The truth about one income households

[2sunny]

I am not taking away from how hard being a staying at home parent is...I fully agree it is tough as any other job. My only argument is that if a parent that chooses to stay home with the kid(s) thinks all they have to do is take care of the kids and not contribute to house duties or other helpful things around the house then I don't think that is exactly fair.

 

I wouldn't mind supporting her and paying for what ever she needed or wanted but in return I don't think its too much to ask that I not also have to do all the laundry, clean the house, cook and all the yard work. It is still give and take and being a stay at home parent does not automatically releave you of your share of chores or responsibilities. I think most stay at home parents do pull their own weight and don't just sit around and watch TV. But I think before the decision to allow one person the opportunity to stay home that some expectations of what all would be done should be discussed.

 

 

As a Mom that has been home for about 7 years full time, I can shed a bit of light on this neverending topic...

 

I am now considering going back to work after being married (and now divorced for 20 years)...

 

First off (and most important in my book- a child's brain and personality are most vulnerable and forming at rapid pace from birth to age 5. If YOU are not there to form them the way YOU want them to turn out and to have that interaction with them through these vital years, they will turn out the way someone else raises them to believe and act/or react!

 

For me- I was always organized and had a plan for the day... when they were younger especially this was my day...

Up early, start laundry... make breakfast, head to the beach or park with my boys. Allow them to run and play and swim - enough to get their energy level worked off.

 

Head home about 11:30 am... get them a bath, lunch and then nap time...

 

While they slept I cleaned the house spotless...did more laundry and made dinner... if time would allow I would work in the yard after they woke up (they would "help" me).

 

Next came some brain time... puzzles, learning to read, write and count...games to stimulate their minds and challenge them in any way...

 

I still to this day NEVER turn on the TV during the daytime... too much to accomplish/enjoy while the sun is shining...

 

When hubby got home - we would have a nice dinner and enjoy an evening with the boys.

 

After getting them to bed we would have sex and enjoy the rest of a quiet evening...

 

I was always exhausted at the end of the day....

 

So rewarding though... and worth making them the people YOU want them to turn out to be...

[HeyYouGuys]

Are you married? Do you have children? My mom worked in healthcare most of her adult life. I never saw here as a child. She worked second shift, my dad worked first.

 

By the time we got home from school, dad would show up a few hours later already buzzed on beer.

 

I started smoking at 12 years old....hanging out with the wrong crowd, skipping school, tagging, beating up kids, just being a real destructive punk....

 

I'm not saying that I would've been 100% different if mom was around, but I guarentee, it would've only been a positive change had she been there.

 

 

Well, with all due respect...that's YOUR experience, Moose. My house was two-income household. My dad was an attorney (still is) and my mom was a nurse and then a teacher.

 

Me and my three siblings didn't skip school (with the occasional 'senioritis' episodes), didn't beat up other kids, didn't act like destructive punks. We all went to college and work in professional fields.

 

We all understand finances and investing. We have networks of work associates, many of whom become friends. I can't imagine how narrow my world would be if I were to stay home all day.

 

Now I do not have children. I might make adjustments if I had children; work part-time perhaps, or take a few years off.

 

The friends I have who were SAHMS for any length of time all described to me the utter monotony and isolation of being a homebound, non-working mom. Several of them went on Prozac.

 

Some of them LOVED being a SAHM. It suited their personality.

 

I don't think you can lump everyone into a 'this is how you should live' category.

 

 

 

I think my mom set an excellent example for her girls.

[a4a]

Who's fault is it that the kids are acting this way? Certainly, not the kids! I think with good parenting and discipline, 3 lil' wee ones can go to the grocery store and behave properly....it's not that hard.....

 

Yeah you just reason that unwanted behavior right outta the brain of a 2 year old :lmao: It's not that hard :rolleyes: BULLshyte it is not hard..... it is damn hard work. and you cannot slap the crap outta them either. Just wave a magic wand and make it all better

 

this is where Otter steps in and explains brain development of children and their reasoning skills/cognetive thought and all that jazz.

 

I actually see the physical struggle as well of putting the three kids into the car with the groceries..... it is not easy for those moms.... lifting all day, chasing,..........

 

and not all 2 income families have alcoholic fathers or negligent parents that do not properly supervise their children. Not all work sep. shifts.....hell some even have dinner together

[TUDOR]

This whole thread is making me reconsider having kids.

[hotgurl]

Well I spent the first year if my daughter's life at home and IMO I would do it again. After that since I am a single parent I went to college so I could better provide for my daughter and worked part time. I always made sure I was home by three. Then I got a professional job and started working more.

 

It is tough and if I could I would work part time so I could be home around 3pm. But it is not a finacial possiblity even living with my boyfriend. We don't live extragantly but the cost of oil etc.. Plus my daughter is involved in sports and band and camps and that all expensive.

 

I could never afford a house or even a 2 bedroom place on my salary alone and I am above the poverty line ha what BS!

[Pink Amulet]

I think my mom set an excellent example for her girls.

 

I am so glad to hear.

 

My dad wasn't around much, and my mother has always been a high profile, highly paid, professional. Which of course means she wasn't around much...

 

I was also raised by a nanny, and boarding school... HOWEVER, I excelled academically, I have great social skills, a strong work ethic and I consider myself a well balanced individual. I'm 20, and I have achieved a lot already, and I am certain I wouldn't be like this if it wern't for the values my mother instilled in me.... strength, determination, ambition, self-belief and a hammer to attempt to smash through the glass ceiling...

[a4a]

This whole thread is making me reconsider having kids.

 

Think hard about it and test drive before you buy..... watch a couple of them for a week straight.....you stay home with them.

 

Say bye bye to freedom as you once knew it.

 

Maybe you could adopt an older one?

[Roo]

Tudor don't you feel special I took time out from barfing and changing dirty diapers to respond..

 

for the record:

My only argument is that if a parent that chooses to stay home with the kid(s) thinks all they have to do is take care of the kids and not contribute to house duties or other helpful things around the house then I don't think that is exactly fair.

 

I do all of the childcare (H does bedtime for K, and started to around 9 mo of age, as well from sept-April I do a park and rec fitness class so he watched her and put her to bed 1.5 hours or so those nights) HE DOES HELP with whatever I ask/need him to do... but primarily it all falls on me.

 

I do 99% of the cooking (he grills on occaision or will cook for me if I need him to or ask nice=)

 

I do all of the planning, food, budget, doctor appointments etc...

 

I do all of the shopping

All of the interior cleaning (unless I ask for assistance in that case he does and will help me out)

All of the Laundry (if I didn't he'd do his own but it's jsut easier to do a full load most of the time, he won't touch my laundry though lol)

 

I manage our finances, from paying bills to reasearching for our investments etc...

 

AND... I'm starting my own photography business ....

 

Not every, and probably not most, SAHM's assume that the ONLY thing that's expected of them is to watch the kids, though it's by far the most difficult and rewarding.

 

The point is...

 

the more you help her, the more you are ABLE to have help etc, the more time she'll have to do whatever it is that's on her plate well...

 

I personally thrive on being balls to the wall 24/7 I like the challenge!

[Roo]

Are you married? Do you have children? My mom worked in healthcare most of her adult life. I never saw here as a child. She worked second shift, my dad worked first.

 

By the time we got home from school, dad would show up a few hours later already buzzed on beer.

 

I started smoking at 12 years old....hanging out with the wrong crowd, skipping school, tagging, beating up kids, just being a real destructive punk....

 

I'm not saying that I would've been 100% different if mom was around, but I guarentee, it would've only been a positive change had she been there.

 

So your mom working is the culprit huh, not your dad the drunk??

 

do you ever post anything that's not completely ridiculous and sexist??

 

My parents were divorced both remarried and both worked, My mother was SAHM until I wasin kindergarten and worked full time from then on at age 7 they split and we had afterschool care until I was 11 or 12 then I watched my yougner brother afterschool, helped with chores, made dinner etc etc..

 

she remarried around the time I was 11 or so as well, STill... we came home to an empty house..

 

I did not do more than the normal amount of teenage experimentation, I excelled in both college and HS and I was quite accomplished in the business world before I began my stint as a SAHM, and in a few years I'll be telling you I own my own sucessful photography studio, (granted I intend for mystuido to be outof my home so I can continue to be home with my kids as much as possible)... BUT

 

CLEARLY you can grow up and be sucessfull without one parent/and specifically the mother being a SAHM for life...

 

BTW my mother now has her PHD as well...

[ThumbingMyWay]

Say bye bye to freedom as you once knew it.

 

no offense to you a4a...

 

but like I said b4.....selfish people have a hard time raising kids.

 

You make sacrifices. Like not being able to go golfing when ever you wanted....or be on 3 softball leauges....or hunting every weekend in Oct and Nov.....you just have to change YOUR ways to FAMILY ways.....

 

 

The best gift you can give someone is your TIME

[a4a]

no offense to you a4a...

 

but like I said b4.....selfish people have a hard time raising kids.

 

You make sacrifices. Like not being able to go golfing when ever you wanted....or be on 3 softball leauges....or hunting every weekend in Oct and Nov.....you just have to change YOUR ways to FAMILY ways.....

 

 

The best gift you can give someone is your TIME

 

Really tho.... if I had kids that means I could not work... that means I could not help hundreds if not thousands of people every year. Including kids that belong to other people. Many kids that are challenged and/or raised by selfish parents.

 

Would not a selfish person think.....oh I want kids screw the other people that count on me. My desire to procreate and make a little me is more important than helping other people that really need me?

 

Don't assume I am selfish at all just because I don't want kids. That has nothing to do with being a selfish or not.... maybe even less shelfish in many ways as I want just do it because it would please me in someway to have them. I certainly can do more for others if I don't have them.

[Roo]

no offense to you a4a...

 

but like I said b4.....selfish people have a hard time raising kids.

 

You make sacrifices. Like not being able to go golfing when ever you wanted....or be on 3 softball leauges....or hunting every weekend in Oct and Nov.....you just have to change YOUR ways to FAMILY ways.....

 

 

The best gift you can give someone is your TIME

 

Not for nothing Thumbing.. but that's a little low.. while it might be true the selfish thing to do would be to have kids just because you want to, when you aren't cut out for the task.

 

It's a very mature and unselfish thing I think to know it's not something you need or want to do. Beyond that it's simply a choice we all have a choice on how we'd like to live our lives, some people CHOOSE to have children (which should mean choosing to be unselfish but isn't always the case) and some people choose not to... that doesnt make her selfish.

[Moose]

Yeah you just reason that unwanted behavior right outta the brain of a 2 year old :lmao:

You have no clue what you're talking about. But yes, you're pretty close.

It's not that hard :rolleyes: BULLshyte it is not hard..... it is damn hard work.

You would know wouldn't you? After all, I've helped raise 5 kids......how many have you hauled to the store?

and you cannot slap the crap outta them either.

Oh yes you can....and if you love your kids, you would too. Not literally slap the crap out of them, but you definitely should spank their bottoms when they don't behave.

Just wave a magic wand and make it all better

It's not extreemely hard work, but it's not THIS easy a4a. It takes time and effort, I grant you that.

 

If you love your kids, the way we love our kids, bringing them up was a joy for us....

[ThumbingMyWay]

Really tho.... if I had kids that means I could not work... that means I could not help hundreds if not thousands of people every year. Including kids that belong to other people. Many kids that are challenged and/or raised by selfish parents.

 

Would not a selfish person think.....oh I want kids screw the other people that count on me. My desire to procreate and make a little me is more important than helping other people that really need me?

 

Don't assume I am selfish at all just because I don't want kids. That has nothing to do with being a selfish or not.... maybe even less shelfish in many ways as I want just do it because it would please me in someway to have them. I certainly can do more for others if I don't have them.

 

I understand what your saying. And I did not mean to imply your selfish.

 

You can still have kids and help people. I am joing interfaith volunteer network very soon. I plan on helping people with fall yard work and winter snow shoveling. I also plan on taking my kids with me to help.

 

I could also help with senior citizens at nursing homes....and bring my kids with me....the bright smiling faces of child bring joy to old folk....unless your some old crotchity person who doesnt like kids.

[Moose]

So your mom working is the culprit huh, not your dad the drunk??

You're putting words in my mouth. I didn't blame anyone. I did say that if mom was at home instead, it would've had a positive impact on my life.

 

I'm not saying my situation is the friggin' norm people.....you're assuming I believe this......

do you ever post anything that's not completely ridiculous and sexist??

Take a look at the statistics, then tell me that....

[Roo]

You're putting words in my mouth. I didn't blame anyone. I did say that if mom was at home instead, it would've had a positive impact on my life.

 

I'm not saying my situation is the friggin' norm people.....you're assuming I believe this......Take a look at the statistics, then tell me that....

 

I'm not trying to be offensive but thus far I've pretty much not responded to anything you've had to say because it just comes off as arrogant ranting from someone who thinks his way is the only way, and to boot, you think we live in the 1960's...

 

maybe I'll find differently as I continue to pke around.. just my observation so far.

[ThumbingMyWay]

... that doesnt make her selfish.

 

like I said above...I was not implying a4a was selfish.

 

I was commenting on her post "say bye bye to your freedom"

 

The context of that statement came across selfish. IMO. Like...dam if i have kids, i dont have freedom....and thats just silly. You still have freedom...its just now you have more responsibilty which may cut into the ME time freedom.

 

My wife and I like ME time too. We actually have to PLAN our ME time...yeah it can be frustrating at times....but my point is...when you have kids, you must accept the fact that they are ALWAYS there...24/7. You cant just run away because its too hard.

 

its all relative and a matter of self choice. When I choose to have kids...I also choose to become less selfish for ME. BALANCE as you say....

[a4a]

You have no clue what you're talking about. But yes, you're pretty close.You would know wouldn't you? After all, I've helped raise 5 kids......how many have you hauled to the store?Oh yes you can....and if you love your kids, you would too. Not literally slap the crap out of them, but you definitely should spank their bottoms when they don't behave.It's not extreemely hard work, but it's not THIS easy a4a. It takes time and effort, I grant you that.

 

If you love your kids, the way we love our kids, bringing them up was a joy for us....

 

 

ah just because I don't own any does not mean I have not interacted with them on a long term basis.

 

Foster kids in our family..3 babies from catholic service program... friend with 6 kids 3 of them previous crack babies she adopted....yes did haul them to the store with her often (she was a lesbian mom too and she works she is a college professor ) I miss her..... she is such a fine person. I will always admire her.

 

Ahhhhh.... I run a program all summer for kids from 10-13 so yep..... 5 years of running a camp...... many of them special needs too.... so yep some exp. there.

 

And more shocking the kids love me!!! I don't know why but they do. :lmao:

[Roo]

Thumbs... I follow you and I conquer.

[Moose]

Whoops....I think Roo meant, "concur".....

[Roo]

Whoops....I think Roo meant, "concur".....

 

 

LMAO.. yep.. whoops... can I blame it on being sick or should I just admit I'm too lazy to spell properly... talk about a faux pas!

[a4a]

like I said above...I was not implying a4a was selfish.

 

I was commenting on her post "say bye bye to your freedom"

 

The context of that statement came across selfish. IMO. Like...dam if i have kids, i dont have freedom....and thats just silly. You still have freedom...its just now you have more responsibilty which may cut into the ME time freedom.

My wife and I like ME time too. We actually have to PLAN our ME time...yeah it can be frustrating at times....but my point is...when you have kids, you must accept the fact that they are ALWAYS there...24/7. You cant just run away because its too hard.

its all relative and a matter of self choice. When I choose to have kids...I also choose to become less selfish for ME. BALANCE as you say....

 

I agree but too many people just think there is nothing to it. Then once in it they are so disappointed with their life. Not every person is cut out to make a good parent. Again I think you would rarely find a person that will admit they wish they never had their kids....... that is not socially acceptable to do so.

 

Same with those that think puppies are cute until they start pissing all over and chewing the sofa to shreds..... but you can crate them or throw em out back

 

I have always wondered if even wanting kids in itself is a selfish act. You would not be denying/harming a child if you never had it.... but you want it for you.

 

I mean an unborn child never concieved is not going without because you did not have it..... you have it because you and you alone want it.

[ThumbingMyWay]

Not every person is cut out to make a good parent.

 

thats an understatement. And I admit, i am not the best either, ...but i pray for strenght everyday...

 

Same with those that think puppies are cute until they start pissing all over and chewing the sofa to shreds..... but you can crate them or throw em out back

 

which reminds me....do you want a free cat? it really nice and freindly. Likes to bite your feet and ambush you in the hall way. Perfect wake up call at 3:30 am everynight.....and is black to boot.

 

I have always wondered if even wanting kids in itself is a selfish act.

 

no its not. Life wants to live and reproduce....its in our DNA. Not just humans, mind you....every living thing has a built in desire to reproduce.

[a4a]

thats an understatement. And I admit, i am not the best either, ...but i pray for strenght everyday...

 

 

 

which reminds me....do you want a free cat? it really nice and freindly. Likes to bite your feet and ambush you in the hall way. Perfect wake up call at 3:30 am everynight.....and is black to boot.

 

 

 

no its not. Life wants to live and reproduce....its in our DNA. Not just humans, mind you....every living thing has a built in desire to reproduce.

 

what happened to my desire than? :lmao:

 

Oh and for your free cat thought how bout this instead:

 

HELP NEEDED ASAP:

 

 

Please help!!!! After two long years of being on a waiting list for a

dog, we have been notified by breed rescue that, at long last, our number

has come up and ... WE ARE HAVING A PUPPY!!!

 

 

We must get rid of our children IMMEDIATELY because we just know how time

consuming our new little puppy is going to be and it just wouldn't be

fair to the children. Since our little puppy will be arriving on Monday

we MUST place the children up for adoption this weekend!

 

They are described as:

 

One male - His name is Tommy, Caucasian (English/Irish mix), light blonde

hair, blue eyes. Four years old. Excellent disposition. He doesn't

bite. Temperament tested. Does have problems with peeing directly in

the toilet. Has had chicken Pox and is current on all shots. Tonsils

have already been removed.

 

Tommy eats everything, is very clean, house trained &

gets

Along well with others. Does not run with scissors and with a little

training he should be able to read soon.

 

 

One female - Her name is Lexie, Caucasian (English/Irish mix),

Strawberry blonde hair, green eyes quite freckled. Two years old. Can be

surly at times. Non-biter, thumb sucker. Has been temperament tested but

needs a little attitude adjusting occasionally. She is current on all

shots, tonsils out, and is very healthy & can be affectionate.

 

Gets along well with other little girls & little boys but does not like

to share her toys and therefore would do best in a one child household.

She is a very quick learner and is currently working on her house

training-shouldn't take long at all.

 

 

We really do LOVE our children so much and want to do what's right for

them; that is why we contacted a rescue group. But we simply can no

longer keep them. Also, we are afraid that they may hurt our new

puppy.

 

 

I hope you understand that ours is a UNIQUE situation and we have a real

emergency here!!! They MUST be placed into your rescue by Sunday night at

the latest or we will be forced to drop them off at the orphanage or

along some dark, country road. Our priority now has to be our new puppy.

 

Author Unknown

 

:lmao: :lmao:

[ThumbingMyWay]

what happened to my desire than? :lmao:

 

 

maybe your H stuck a fork in that part of your brian while you were sleeping