The truth about one income households

[a4a]

maybe your H stuck a fork in that part of your brian while you were sleeping

 

 

in my Brian? gosh I hope he did not stick the fork there...... he is my pool boy. I may want to use him later.

 

 

no I never wanted kids or even played with toy babies.

 

nor was I raised in a household where being a mommy was the reason to live either.

 

no coo coo over babies.

 

So perhaps it is not a nature thing and a nurture thing instead?

 

could make for a interesting stand alone thread.

[Touche]

I love your idea for a thread!

 

I have one sister who is 14 months younger than me. We were raised EXACTLY the same way...almost as twins. But I loved playing with dolls and she didn't. She liked climbing and playing with guns.

 

I've always known that my life would never feel complete if I couldn't be a mother. In fact when I divorced my ex I was suicidal over the thought that I would never experience motherhood. (Being a single parent was never an option for me.)

 

Anyway, my sister never had any kids. She's totally self-involved and it's really a blessing that she never really wanted kids.

 

I think it's hilarious though when she tries to advise me about how to raise our son!

 

NOTHING can give you the same experience as having your own. I've been a step-parent and NOPE it's not the same just as babysitting or being involved in any other kind of activity with kids will not give you the true experience either.

 

I think you parents will agree and know exactly what I'm talking about.

[norajane]

in my Brian? gosh I hope he did not stick the fork there...... he is my pool boy. I may want to use him later.

 

 

no I never wanted kids or even played with toy babies.

 

nor was I raised in a household where being a mommy was the reason to live either.

 

no coo coo over babies.

 

So perhaps it is not a nature thing and a nurture thing instead?

 

could make for a interesting stand alone thread.

 

Hmm, I don't want kids and I WAS raised in a household where babies were the reason for living, or at least gave meaning to your life. Lots of cooing over babies. Everythng the parents did was to give the the kids a better life. And I did start out wanting lots of kids and being baby crazy as a young teen.

 

Howevah...

 

My mom had my sister when I was 14, and up until I went to college, she was my responsibility as well. The parents worked different shifts, but there was always that time when I had to be there, so I got plenty of experience with diapers and feedings and colds and immunizations and tonsils. No hanging out after school at clubs and sports and things - straight home to watch her because the parents had to work. I love her dearly, but I think that cured me of wanting kids of my own.

[cuddlycuddlebum]

I think that list is romantic. *shrug*

[cuddlycuddlebum]

I love her dearly, but I think that cured me of wanting kids of my own.

 

Wanting kids is not a disease. I feel sorry for whoever ends up with you.

[jerbear]

I don't know. I think that a4a & norajane are interesting and present interesting aspects to kids.

 

One of my ex's presented a very interesting idea that just opened me up to adoption as an option. Her reasons were she wants kids but also wants to adopt one because there are many unwanted babies.

 

Wanting kids is not a disease and many biological organism do exists with procreation in mind to advance the species. Human beings are not immune to that, however; human beings also use sex as a recreational sport. Human beings have the option to avoid sex as a choice.

 

IMO, having kids is a life long committment or capable of dealing with a crimp in there life styles. Kids are not cheap, they take time and money. Not easy having your kid look up to you and say I'm hungry; when it is between feeding them versus you eating your pudding or ice cream.

[Outcast]

every living thing has a built in desire to reproduce.

 

Not this living being. There's a rule about statements like the one up there ^ which is 'saying it doesn't make it so'.

[norajane]

Wanting kids is not a disease. I feel sorry for whoever ends up with you.

 

 

I'll be sure to tell him that the next time we're scuba diving in Bonnaire, spending the kids' college money.

[Touche]

Wanting kids is not a disease. I feel sorry for whoever ends up with you.

 

NOT wanting kids is not a disease either though. I mean I can't relate to it myself BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with people who don't. I look at it as a life experience that I wanted to have and to experience. Another human being to love in a unique way.

 

Someone else might want to go skydiving before they die...nothing wrong with those of us who don't. Just a personal preference. Does it make me a BAD person because there are certain experiences I'm not interested in having?

[alphamale]

NOT wanting kids is not a disease either though. I mean I can't relate to it myself BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with people who don't.

I think society judges females who don't ever want kids much more harshly than men who don't want them. Personally, I believe that many men can take it or leave it when it comes to children. Women have a stronger innate desire to become a parent.

[Touche]

I think society judges females who don't ever want kids much more harshly than men who don't want them. Personally, I believe that many men can take it or leave it when it comes to children. Women have a stronger innate desire to become a parent.

 

You might be right about the first part of your statement but I'm just not so sure about the last part. I've met men who REALLY wanted kids. Even A4A mentioned that her H wants kids but she doesn't.

 

And speaking for my situation my H wanted more kids than he has (our son and my stepson) but I always knew I only wanted one.

 

So I'm just not sure that women have a stronger innate desire to become a parent.

[norajane]

I think society judges females who don't ever want kids much more harshly than men who don't want them.

 

Yes, society does indeed do that. After that horrified expression crosses their face when I tell them I don't want kids, it doesn't take more than a split second for them to try to convince of why I should want them and how much I'll regret not having them. And when I continue to demur, then I'm told what a selfish, unwomanly, unnatural woman I am, as though I am defective.

[ladyinwaiting]

. And when I continue to demur, then I'm told what a selfish, unwomanly, unnatural woman I am, as though I am defective.

 

Interestingly, it's almost the opposite amongst my circle of friends.

 

I don't want kids - never have - and I was fortunate to find a man who wants them even less than me. We only differ in our reasoning. I don't want kids because I'm more ambitious than I am maternal, more selfish than I am giving, and because I have a career that is utterly incompatible with with raising them (and one which I worked damn hard for and don't intend to give up). I'm not anti-kid though - I'm quite happy to pay extra taxes and whatever to fund other women to raise the next generation. My man simply believes the world is overpopulated and it's up to people who have a choice about such matters to stop procreating. He'd consider adopting a child from the third world, but (a) I don't want to care for the child (I'd rather give money to world vision) and (b) he's all filled with moral quandries about the cultural implications. But this is beside the point ...

 

Far from being unusual, this attitude is pretty typical amongst my companions. A woman is more likely to be greeted with shock and awe if she says she wants kids. Then she'll get the standard question: "will you give up work?" and, if she says 'yes', then "you must really trust your husband!". I guess most of us are the children of 70s feminists, raised to put careers first, and used to most of our teachers and mentors doing just that. Plus, most of us are terrified of giving up our independence and finaniial freedom in an era of high divorce. I'll admit that I'm guilty of looking down at women who "go domestic" - I try hard not to, really I do, but I just can't put that slight feeling of dissappointment out of my mind when a high-flying colleague drops out of the rat race to raise kids. And I'm definitely not alone in this - or so the (very) few of my friends who've had kids like to complain!

[a4a]

:lmao: This is like the man fight over Ford vs Chevy.

 

 

 

(Try living with a Ford man when you are a Chevy woman)

 

I have kids and you are missing out.

I have freedom and choice and you are missing out.

You are selfish.

No you are selfish.

 

:lmao:

 

It is funny being a "Chevy don't want kids kinda women" when people tell me what I would be missing out on....... I see the "funny stuff" kids do and I just don't find it entertaining or endearing. I don't have the need to have another person I created to love or need me. But damn I am tired of getting sliced and diced and being told I must be a lesser person for not having kids.

 

In my view I have about 40 kids already that I love and care for daily. My life does revolve around them. My money does go to them. And many would not understand that I cannot just get rid of them..... just like people feel about their children. Of course people will say it is not the same, but how do you really know how I feel?

 

and as for my H wanting kids.... he is living in la la land. How the hell is he going to pay for them?

 

He actually says he does not care one way or the other now. He married me for me not to use me as a brood mare. (BTW he knew I did not ever want kids even when we were just friends)

 

I am not stupid I realize it would all fall on my shoulders if we did have kids. I would have to be the primary care giver. He would not even wake up in the middle of the night to take care of a child. Regardless kids just don't give me a warm fuzzy feeling...... now my animals do though. I will mush my dogs, make them dinners, talk goo goo puppy shmumpy to them. Hell I am putting in a big order for toys and fun for them today. Same with my horses.... and the pigs. Kids don't do that for me tho.

 

I don't care if I share my bed with 6 dogs every night......but if a kid crawled in there I would not be too pleased about it. They are sticky and clammy feeling and they poop themselves.

[norajane]

 

I generally see multiple sides to any issue, and, as such, I can see the pros and cons of both the Ford and Chevy viewpoints...which is why I'm not committed to either one. The scales fall a little heavier on the not wanting kids side, and my SO doesn't want them either, so that works for us. Neither of us feels a burning need to creat mini-me's, so if we were to change our minds in the future, we are open to the idea of adoption and one of those war-torn countries out there is my own, so it would work out for all.

 

However, I am selfish! I like reading books and writing and concerts and fine dining and gardening and diving and traveling and I just don't want to deal with the lifetime responsibility of raising children. I also hesitate at the huge financial responsibility, but it's mostly the time factor for me.

 

Ladyinwaiting, I could have been one of those women in your office - I left a high paying career two years ago when I realized it wasn't so satisfying to me anymore, got dragged back in a year later, and then left again two months ago...not to have kids, but to actually live my life without business travel and lonely hotel rooms and the heavy, stressful demands on my time.

 

I guess it all comes down to how you want to live your life and what you want in it in order to feel as though you've gotten the most out of it. Personally, I don't want to wait til retirement and the kids are out of the nest in order to begin my life. There are plenty of children in my life, but I really like my child-free home, and the option to please myself without having to take children into account.

[a4a]

:and the option to please myself without having to take children into account.

 

 

well people HAVE children just to please themselves. Why else would they do it? :lmao: So one way or the other you cannot be labelled selfish for having them or not right? :lmao:

 

Or both are selfish decisions

[norajane]

well people HAVE children just to please themselves. Why else would they do it? :lmao: So one way or the other you cannot be labelled selfish for having them or not right? :lmao:

 

Or both are selfish decisions

 

Yes, I believe they are!

[a4a]

honestly I think people are so selfish when they have them and do not have the ability to care for them financially or emotionally.

 

those are the people that need to be neutered. IMHO.

 

Or those that have them because it is the "thing to do" without the real desire to care for them.

 

Hell I could have one for the H and care for it quite well I would imagine...... but that would not really be fair to the kid to have a person that is just doing well out of obligation and not true desire.... that would be like a marriage when you really do not care for your spouse at all but never mistreat them.

[hotgurl]

honestly I think people are so selfish when they have them and do not have the ability to care for them financially or emotionally.

 

those are the people that need to be neutered. IMHO.

 

Are you talking about accidents or actual planning?

[a4a]

Are you talking about accidents or actual planning?

 

It can certainly happen in both ways.

[catgirl1927]

Speaking of generalizations, why do so many people think that in order to be right in how they are living their lives someone else has to be wrong? Can't things be done differently and still be done well? Why does there have to be only one answer?

 

My mother stayed home, my father worked. My mother is a monster, and so is my father. I don't think that has anything to do with who stayed home. It has to do with them and why they had kids. Good parents are good parents. Bad parents are bad parents. Wanting kids or not wanting kids is a personal choice, there is no right or wrong, and the important thing is that kids aren't had by people who don't want them. Because I feel safe in generalizing that most people who don't want kids don't make good parents.

[Touche]

Speaking of generalizations, why do so many people think that in order to be right in how they are living their lives someone else has to be wrong? Can't things be done differently and still be done well? Why does there have to be only one answer?

 

My mother stayed home, my father worked. My mother is a monster, and so is my father. I don't think that has anything to do with who stayed home. It has to do with them and why they had kids. Good parents are good parents. Bad parents are bad parents. Wanting kids or not wanting kids is a personal choice, there is no right or wrong, and the important thing is that kids aren't had by people who don't want them. Because I feel safe in generalizing that most people who don't want kids don't make good parents.

 

Amen to that!

 

(And good to see you back CG!)

[penkitten]

Who's fault is it that the kids are acting this way? Certainly, not the kids! I think with good parenting and discipline, 3 lil' wee ones can go to the grocery store and behave properly....it's not that hard.....

 

i go grocery shopping before i pick the kids up from daycare, and it completely solves this whole problem.

[Roo]

lol penkitten I have my husbands 14 yr old cousin come over afterschool to watch the kids for the SAME reason no kids at the store making me crazy while I'm trying to shop means most of our kiddie melt downs happen at home in private where I can let them scream and ignore it!

[Moose]

I have my husbands 14 yr old cousin come over afterschool to watch the kids for the SAME reason no kids at the store making me crazy while I'm trying to shop means most of our kiddie melt downs happen at home in private where I can let them scream and ignore it!

Roo, please don't take this the wrong way.....ok? But, if you're serious about this post, and you're not being sarcastic, this is exactly what I'm talking about.

 

Whether or not your post is really what's going on in your real life, it does go on in millions of families world wide.

 

And I personally think that's why kids don't know, or understand how to act in society.

 

It's too easy to find someone to hang out and watch the brats while we go out and take care of business.

 

A parent that's dedicated to staying home, involving the children in the marriage, and concentrating on educating their offspring how to act, behave, and interact with society can prove more valuable to those children than any amount of money mommy or daddy brings home.

 

It's our job as parents to put in the extra labor and time to allow them to tag along and experience the trip to the store, to interact with others, these are life long lessons.