Need help soon!

[Phargus]

Dearest readers,

 

I haven't been dating for quite some time because I've been waiting for someone who was truly worth my effort. I learned long ago that there's no worth wasting time in a relationship with someone you don't see yourself having any future with. Here's my dillema, I've been seeing this girl for almost six months now and since the start I've thought that she was the right person for me. She's everything I've ever wanted my partner to be like. Unfortunately, since the beginning of our relationship my instinct's told me that things weren't right. She isn't incredibly physical with me in fact she plays quite "dead" in bed. Our time on the phone seems bland, and she doesn't really do any of the sweet things other girls have done for me in the past. I've attributed a lot of this in the past to my own insecurity that she may not love me and I brought it up with her several times in conversation. She has always been strong about the fact that she truly cares about me but that this "is just her."

 

I've recently come to a completely different observation though that I believe completely clarifies my relationship. She is completely self-centered and cheap. I've recently tested my hypothesis and my observations were dissapointing to say the least.

 

Here's my questions:

 

1) Is there any hope for her to be cured of this sickness?

 

2) How do I talk to her about this without completely offending her?

 

3) Is anyone else in a relationship like this that can give me information about how they deal with this?

[Tony T]

1) Is there any hope for her to be cured of this sickness?

 

People who are selfish and self centered usually get better with time. Selfish women are often cured as soon as they have a child. If she's like this now, I wouldn't stay around counting on her to change. That's not the way relationships are conducted.

 

2) How do I talk to her about this without completely offending her?

 

It doesn't matter how you talk to her. She's not going to change at this time because her behavior has served her well. People don't change unless they have a compelling reason to. Why should you care if you offend her?

 

3) Is anyone else in a relationship like this that can give me information about how they deal with this?

 

I've been in tons of relationships with selfish, using, self centered jerkettes. The best way to deal with them is treat them exactly the way they treat you. If you're nice to them they will chew you up and spit you out all over the highway so a Mack truck can run over you.

 

The very best way to deal with this is simply to get away from it.

[Anthony]

Just a bit of advice... dump her.. shes a blood sucker...

 

or an ice queen in eighter way you really shouldnt deal with her its unhealthy.

 

If your having doubts about her and your relationship with her its highly unlikely that you 2 are in love.. either that or you have some serious issues to deal with on the part of selfesteem etc.

 

There is a cure.. to the "sickness" but only on your part

 

if she is unwilling to discuss such problems in your relationship its only a indication of other problems with it as well. She takes the easy way out of the discussion of taking it all on her self instead of dealing with the problems at hand.

 

as to your somment on her being selfcentered and cheap

 

well you allready seem to know that she is an unhealthy individual so my question is whats keeping you there...

 

Just confront her and if she still takes the easy way out

 

give her a view of your world and the way she makes you feel. If she still refuses to discuss the problems then just leave....

 

But try to do this in the most caring manner possible....

 

As to question 3 well ive met by far too many women of such nature and i can say that the only ones whom are not like that are allready involved, living in monasteries or for now completely unaware of the true nature of their behavior... then again the same applies to most men so it allways balances out.

 

but for now i suggest that you try to deal with the situation at hand and if she is reluctant then leave...

 

after which you should take time to reflect on how you came upon a relationship with such a person...

 

some counseling might help on that aspect.

 

good luck

Dearest readers, I haven't been dating for quite some time because I've been waiting for someone who was truly worth my effort. I learned long ago that there's no worth wasting time in a relationship with someone you don't see yourself having any future with. Here's my dillema, I've been seeing this girl for almost six months now and since the start I've thought that she was the right person for me. She's everything I've ever wanted my partner to be like. Unfortunately, since the beginning of our relationship my instinct's told me that things weren't right. She isn't incredibly physical with me in fact she plays quite "dead" in bed. Our time on the phone seems bland, and she doesn't really do any of the sweet things other girls have done for me in the past. I've attributed a lot of this in the past to my own insecurity that she may not love me and I brought it up with her several times in conversation. She has always been strong about the fact that she truly cares about me but that this "is just her." I've recently come to a completely different observation though that I believe completely clarifies my relationship. She is completely self-centered and cheap. I've recently tested my hypothesis and my observations were dissapointing to say the least. Here's my questions: 1) Is there any hope for her to be cured of this sickness? 2) How do I talk to her about this without completely offending her? 3) Is anyone else in a relationship like this that can give me information about how they deal with this?

[velvet]

Expierence can play on how feaky the person wants to get.

 

Does she ask anything from you. Men and Women have differnt ways of thinking. women want what they see in "Red Shoe Diarys." Men want what they see in a porno flick.

 

I know where you coming from when you say that you do most the work. You feel left out. But you can help her while in the midst of it. Talk dirty, tell her what you want her to do. Guide her body where you want it.

 

If she continues to resist than I would back off from her sexually. Give her time to build up a STRONG drive and when its time, lay back and tell her to work it.

 

1) Is there any hope for her to be cured of this sickness? People who are selfish and self centered usually get better with time. Selfish women are often cured as soon as they have a child. If she's like this now, I wouldn't stay around counting on her to change. That's not the way relationships are conducted. 2) How do I talk to her about this without completely offending her? It doesn't matter how you talk to her. She's not going to change at this time because her behavior has served her well. People don't change unless they have a compelling reason to. Why should you care if you offend her? 3) Is anyone else in a relationship like this that can give me information about how they deal with this? I've been in tons of relationships with selfish, using, self centered jerkettes. The best way to deal with them is treat them exactly the way they treat you. If you're nice to them they will chew you up and spit you out all over the highway so a Mack truck can run over you. The very best way to deal with this is simply to get away from it.