Should I confront the guy my girlfriend cheated on me with?

[transformer]

My girlfriend of two years just admitted that a week ago she made out with a guy she met through me. He is a photographer and was taking photos of her when it happened. He is not a close friend, more like my friend's friend - but he knows me and knew that this girl was my girlfriend.

 

I broke up with her because if she wants to kiss other guys that's fine. Of course, she should have broken up with me first. I just want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Period. If she doesn't, no hard feelings, I'm sure I'll find someone who wants to just be with me.

 

But what about him? I feel really disrespected by him. He knew she was my girlfriend. I really want to confront him / punch him in the face / destroy the photos he took of her. I really don't want to go crazy but I feel he should feel the consequences of his actions.

 

Advice anyone?

[a4a]

Do not bother to confront this guy .......not worth the trouble that it may cause you.

 

Just move on.

[kimmillah]

Transformer,

a4a is right. I understand how you feel, because the first thing I wanted to do was confront the woman who my husband met online. You just really want the person to pay for the crap you went through and the disrespect towards you. Just remember that karma is a bi$ch and people who think that its okay to betray others in that way, will soon find out how it feels 10 fold. Be cool, this guy isn't even worth it!

[Guest]

As long as he couldn't kick your ass...i'd give him 1 good shot in the face and let him know why you did it then leave it at that.

[Bryanp]

I know it is hard but I agree with the others that you should just move on. Look this guy is an ass but he did not make a committment to you. He was not in a relationship with you. He hit on your girl and she responded positively. The problem is with her. She could have said NO I am in a relationship instead of making out with the guy. Most men will hit on any girl they feel will respond to them.

 

You did the right thing breaking up with her if she feels the need to disrespect your relationship and making out with another guy. The bottom line is that this OM will not feel guilty and could care less about the pain he brought to you. Actually in a way he did you a sick favor. You now know how your ex girlfriend perceived your relationship. Now you can move on find someone who can respect you and respect a committment. I wish you luck.

[Spectre]

Leave him be, but if he sees you again and tries to instigate anything, like say going "how is your gf" well, beat his ass

 

walking away is fine and all, but not at the expense of your pride, let it go if he lets it go.

 

what about the gf, she remorseful at all? or just like eh

[witabix]

In an unusual turn of events I will disagree with the other posters.

 

Take this guy out. He knew she was in with another guy, if he didn't, then he needs a lesson.

 

Your pride and dignity is at stake here. Stand up for yourself.

 

DO NOT TAKE THIS OUT ON HER, NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS NOT COOL.

 

HE stepped across you, sort him out. Teach him that he must bemore careful.

 

The law of the jungle does appy here.

[JAZZYJ]

Well... ask ya self this ! can you trust her after doing this to you?... the answers no, so waste ya time getting into a fight over a girl thats just not worth it?,... all you will do is make ya self look a fool, fighting for a girl who dont love ya !

 

Use that energy to find yourself a nice lady who is going to respect and love you.

[scrybe74]

In an unusual turn of events I will disagree with the other posters.

 

Take this guy out. He knew she was in with another guy, if he didn't, then he needs a lesson.

 

Your pride and dignity is at stake here. Stand up for yourself.

 

DO NOT TAKE THIS OUT ON HER, NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE. VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN IS NOT COOL.

 

HE stepped across you, sort him out. Teach him that he must bemore careful.

 

The law of the jungle does appy here.

 

Wrong...wrong ...wrong. It will just show the world what an apeman you are. Just walk away. You did the right thing but having some selfrespect. Those two are the lowlifes that did the dishonarable thing. Let Karma run it's course. You were not put on this planet to control or judge people. There is no law against a man kissing another man's woman.....unless it was against her will. She wanted to so he did. Be angry at both of them but cut them both out of your life and move on. There is absolutely NO benefit to getting violent or confrontational with this guy. Upside...you'll blow off some steam and feel better for 2.5 seconds.

 

Downside: You might get your butt kicked for one, you'll look like an idiot, you could end up in jail and paying civil and criminal penalties, the guy could retaliate and lastly people would think that she was smart to leave a violent ape man like you and you'll come out looking like the bad guy instead of the victim.

 

Cool down and move on.

[SoCalCatman72]

I'm torn.....

 

The evil part of me says hunt him down, strip him naked and put a 9mm in the back of his head.

 

So I do know how you feel. However from personal experience I can tell you that violence doesn't solve anything. You know what a slimeball this guy is, he knows what a slimeball he is, and even your ex knows what a slimeball he is.

 

Find someone who will be true to you, and let this guy get taken out by the next guy who isn't as restrained as you are (it will happen if he doesn't change his ways).

[witabix]

Ok, I get your point.

 

I will say this though, the more you tolerate people disrespecting you the more it will happen.

 

Ape man? Yes I am. Lowlife? No.

 

Respectful? Yes. Respectful of you and your girlfriend, respectful of you as a man. I would, and have, apologised for stepping in anothetr mans patch, unbeknowenst to me.

 

OK.

 

Give him the chance to apologise for disrespecting you.

 

If he does, shake hands like a respectful ape man. If he doesn't tear him apart like a lowlife ape man.

 

If he can kick your arse? Prove him wrong......

 

We all believe that women should be allowed to be themselves, empowered, and all that.

 

Well, amongst ourselves, we men should also behave as we are.

 

If he disrespects you? What do you owe him except a good beating.

 

It is the twenty first century but.............

 

Get real, I still have hair on my back, give me a banana.

 

Stuff all this lets be reasonable horsefeathers. You step on my foot and I will explain why it is not cool.

[littlepiggy1]

Not only did he make out with your g/f, but his ethical conduct as a photorgrapher is in the toilet. I'm assuming the guy was no pro.

 

Personally, it's a toss up between walking away and kicking his ass. The latter could result in legal problems (i.e. assault and battery), so you'll have to weigh the risks versus your own anger about the situation.

[johan]

I'd confront him. I wouldn't fight him. But I would confront him.

 

Sometimes life requires confrontations. Sometimes you have to let someone know what you're made of. Sometimes you have to be able to show your anger. You have to be clear about what the things in your life mean to you and that you don't let them go easily. You have to be able to look guys like that in the eye. You have to let him know you won't just let it go without so much as a squeak. He knows it was wrong. He should know you'll be there in his face every time. He'll respect you just for showing up and not backing down. And he'd have to be pathological to try it again. He'll put the moves on some other guy's girl, but not yours.

 

I recommend a face to face talk in public. Make your point. Tell him what she meant to you. Tell him you think it's low behavior to make a move on another guy's girl. Make him look you in the eye while you say it. Don't insult him. Don't get into a shouting match. Don't let it escalate. Don't shake his hand or let him try to be your buddy. Don't let him off the hook. Say what you have to say, and then just clear out, and let him live with himself.

[witabix]

I'd confront him. I wouldn't fight him. But I would confront him.

 

Sometimes life requires confrontations. Sometimes you have to let someone know what you're made of. Sometimes you have to be able to show your anger. You have to be clear about what the things in your life mean to you and that you don't let them go easily. You have to be able to look guys like that in the eye. You have to let him know you won't just let it go without so much as a squeak. He knows it was wrong. He should know you'll be there in his face every time. He'll respect you just for showing up and not backing down. And he'd have to be pathological to try it again. He'll put the moves on some other guy's girl, but not yours.

 

I recommend a face to face talk in public. Make your point. Tell him what she meant to you. Tell him you think it's low behavior to make a move on another guy's girl. Make him look you in the eye while you say it. Don't insult him. Don't get into a shouting match. Don't let it escalate. Don't shake his hand or let him try to be your buddy. Don't let him off the hook. Say what you have to say, and then just clear out, and let him live with himself.

 

I agree in its entirety, except, break a few of his bones, good ones.

 

Like his nose, and any other parts he relies upon. Teach this guy a lesson. Think of the brotherhood of men. YOU DO NOT STEP ON ANOTHER MAN.

 

ONCE AGAIN I WILL POINT OUT THAT YOU DO NOT DO THIS TO WOMEN. EVERE, EVER, EVEN IF YOU THINK SHE WAS AT FAULT.

 

NOT EVER, EVER, FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER.

 

A man should be able to defend himself, and he is fair game, if he stepped on you.

[johan]

I don't think the girl is worth fighting over. There's no glamour or dignity in a street fight with some idiot over some idiot girl.

 

I'd say what I had to say and then walk away from them both and be glad I don't have to deal with either of them anymore.

[superconductor]

No chick on the planet is worth going to prison for.

[witabix]

I don't think the girl is worth fighting over. There's no glamour or dignity in a street fight with some idiot over some idiot girl.

 

I'd say what I had to say and then walk away from them both and be glad I don't have to deal with either of them anymore.

 

I would have you in my corner everytime Johan.

 

So right.

[transformer]

I just want to say I appreciate all the feedback I am getting from everyone on this site.

 

I am taking it all in and it is really helping me deal with my feelings which will of course inform my actions.

 

I like the idea of facing him as a man and scaring the **** out of him, the whole time him wondering if I am going to throw a punch, then leaving him, communicating that he's not even worth my anger and fists.

 

I also like the idea of making him destroy the photos. Honestly, my girl made a mistake - I may or may not get back together with her. That will depend on all sorts of things. But the photos, they are a hard reminder of the infidelity - I want them destroyed. Even if I never see my girl again, I never want a hard physical documentation of the infidelity/violation to exist. Call it pride.

[amerikajin]

I'm not sure confronting him is a good idea, though it may work if you're a large and intimidating guy.

 

But what if he tells you to f*ck off? What if he tells you that he thought you two were broken up, or maybe she told him that she was going to leave you for him? What are you going to say or do then? If you don't feel like actually fighting him now you most definitely will if that's his response, so be sure you're prepared to handle any escalation.

 

I think the thing to do is to leave him alone. If you know this guy has friends, then his friends should know that this guy's not exactly a trustworthy guy. Believe me, that is far more effective a message to send that threatening someone with an #sskicking. If his friends stop hanging around him because they know that one day their own girlfriends might come into his view, I think that would be the ultimate form of revenge. Just desserts, don't you think?

[amerikajin]

Witabix, I understand what you're saying but not everybody's a former heavyweight pro boxer like you. I know I have size on some people but I'm hardly going to strike fear into anyone's heart, so would you recommend that I or someone like me threaten someone with an #sskicking?

 

I think the best thing to do is to let behavior lead to their natural consequences. His friends should know that this guy is a snake, and when the word gets around I am guessing he will have fewer friends. It will make him think about it far more in the future. True enough, a good beatdown could do the same but it'll also make the poster liable for criminal and civil penalties, so he'd end up being the bigger loser.

[Spectre]

some have made a good point, fighting over this girl is like fighting over a penny. Why do it when theyre cheap and you can just go get another one?

 

 

Still, if it was me, I'd probably fight him, lol.

[Touche]

Sorry but I don't agree with those who have said to confront. It will only make you look desperate and pathetic. Walk away from this with your dignity intact.

 

Amerika made some great points.

 

And are you SERIOUS that you may take her back? Destroying the pics won't destroy her basic nature. Unless you want this to happen again with her I'd just walk away from this one.

[Spectre]

He said he'd take her back? Does she have beer flavored boobs? Is she an heiress to a billion dollar fortune? If not, what reason is there to even speak to her again?

[fishtaco]

Bryanp's response is the best. I agree with everything he said.

 

Plus you only heard the story from your ex. Who knows, maybe she put the moves on him first and he was just thinking with the wrong head. As if she would actually admit she wanted to cheat on you. It's always... OMG, I don't know what happened, this guy was totally hitting on me!

[skeletonindacloset]

There's always more than one side to each story so before ya take a swing at the guy I'd reccommend getting his side because like some have said before, this guy could've been mislead. Or maybe he was fine with it all and deserves a punch in the face or maybe this just ain't worth your time. Who knows. I was the other man for a good long while and as much as I loved her it still felt like some big horrible lie and it was awful dealing with it but when you're in love you'll deal with most anything. Every single day I wake up I feel deserving of whatever horrible thing happens to me. I never fear her boyfriend coming after me because it's something I feel I deserve so I'm just gettin what I got comin to me. Call it a death wish. But for some folks out there the worst punishment in the world is having to live with yourself. I'd say save yourself the sprained wrist and live your life. We homewreckers just aren't worth it.