james007 Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I believe every pre-married couple should go to pre-marital counseling before getting married. What do you have to lose? Find a good pre-marital counselor. A good pre-marital counselor will advise the two of you to break up and cut all contact with each other for 6 months before getting married. The 6 month break will give you a pretty good idea of whether or not the two of you are right for each other. Date others during that time if you want. It's not necessary. Use the 6 month time to reflect on the relationship and introspection. During this time you'll get a feel for whether or not you want to live without your significant other. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 A good pre-marital counselor will advise the two of you to break up and cut all contact with each other for 6 months before getting married. I seriously doubt that. Pre-marital counselling is about learning to get to know each other better, not staying away from each other. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Where did you come up with this idea? If some person claiming to be a counselor told you this they were making it up. Couples counseling in preparation for marriage can be very helpful - but go to a certified and licensed counselor with good references and who has completed their internship or is doing their internship and has an on-site mentor to monitor and assist. Six months of no-contact is not part of any legit counseling I've ever seen. People can't build communication skills if they don't communicate. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 some churches have established pre-marital retreats or "engaged encounters" designed to help a couple know each other better; my former bishop was the one who established the couple-to-couple program in our state in which an engaged couple meets with a married couple sponsor for up to a year before the wedding. All these programs are designed to better prepare a couple for the realities of marriage, not just focus on the wedding day, and there have been times that the couple decides to postpone or even call off the wedding because they realize they're incompatible or just not ready for the responsibilities of marriage. Avoiding someone for long periods of time is self-defeating because you thwart yourself of that time of maturation as a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 The purpose of pre-marital counseling, as I understand it, is to help couples consider and discuss some of the practical realities of marriage that can cause issues in the future. Things like, what are each of their expecations about where they will live, how they will handle jobs and housework, financial goals and how they will handle their finances, do they agree about children and how many, religious differences, sexual expectations, time management, conflict management... It's about communication to understand each other, not spending time apart. Link to post Share on other sites
ShoeGirl Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I have never heard of a premartial counselor suggesting a 6 month break with no contact. I go to a Christian college where I am minoring in psychology, two of the professors are nationally known for their marriage counseling. I have taken several classes from them and they have never mentioned any period of no contact... in fact they reccommend that couples spend a lot of time together discussing future goals, many of which norajane pointed out, as well as going through some work books that they developed to go along with a few of thir books. They have written at least a dozen books on marriage and different aspects of dating, all of which have sold incredibly well, so I would tend to believe thier advice when it comes to premartial counseling and marriage issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 I believe the theory of counselling presented was the OP's own personal theory. Link to post Share on other sites
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