Pink Amulet Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Women use romance books. The written descriptions buried in these are of overt sexual acts and quite explicit. Do women really read that literary vomit? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkShadows Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 I'd say men are more competitive, more promiscuous, and less nurturing than women—since their hormones, brains, and evolutionary histories are fundamentally different. Yeah it would be nice if they were a little more.. nurturing. :x If they could see what some of us good women do for them, even the little things, for example, whenever I am out I buy him this candy bar that he absolutly loves. Yet he does nothing like that for me, in fact he does crap for me. He's not very lovely dovey at all. But if guys could see this and be thankful for the stars they have a decent women, and respected them more, then I think most women would stop complaining. I'm really just speaking about my current relationship. I have told him i feel like he is taking me for granted. He expects me to make his breakfast, lunch, dinner and tea constantly. He half the time says 'thanks.' I told him I wish he would do a little more 'little things' for me, just to let me know he is thinking of me.. but does he? Nope. Of course not. To show me he is thinking of me, shows he cares! Oh no can't show feelings.. Bleh. (Again talking only about my relationship.. and maybe some of you guys out there. ) How to make a guy show he cares and continuly show he does. Not just a once, here babe, I care then it is done ... If anyone could answer this question I would love you to death! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Do women really read that literary vomit? Obvioulsy not all women Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Do women really read that literary vomit? Clearly some do, otherwise it wouldn't be out there....! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 If they could see what some of us good women do for them, even the little things, for example, whenever I am out I buy him this candy bar that he absolutly loves. Yet he does nothing like that for me, in fact he does crap for me. He's not very lovely dovey at all. But if guys could see this and be thankful for the stars they have a decent women, and respected them more, then I think most women would stop complaining. I'm really just speaking about my current relationship. I have told him i feel like he is taking me for granted. He expects me to make his breakfast, lunch, dinner and tea constantly. He half the time says 'thanks.' I told him I wish he would do a little more 'little things' for me, just to let me know he is thinking of me.. but does he? Nope. Of course not. To show me he is thinking of me, shows he cares! Oh no can't show feelings.. Bleh. (Again talking only about my relationship.. and maybe some of you guys out there. ) How to make a guy show he cares and continuly show he does. Not just a once, here babe, I care then it is done ... If anyone could answer this question I would love you to death! I can! *Puts up hand* You're in the wrong relationship!! No, seriously! My SO shows regularly how much he cares, how much he notices the little things I do for him. He does things for me in return, big and little! He shows he respects me, adores me, loves me. He tells me how much he loves me, cares for me, how great I am. Simple truth... you don't have the man you're looking for. But they are out there.... Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Yeah it would be nice if they were a little more.. nurturing. :x If they could see what some of us good women do for them, even the little things, for example, whenever I am out I buy him this candy bar that he absolutly loves. Yet he does nothing like that for me, in fact he does crap for me. He's not very lovely dovey at all. But if guys could see this and be thankful for the stars they have a decent women, and respected them more, then I think most women would stop complaining. I'm really just speaking about my current relationship. I have told him i feel like he is taking me for granted. He expects me to make his breakfast, lunch, dinner and tea constantly. He half the time says 'thanks.' I told him I wish he would do a little more 'little things' for me, just to let me know he is thinking of me.. but does he? Nope. Of course not. To show me he is thinking of me, shows he cares! Oh no can't show feelings.. Bleh. (Again talking only about my relationship.. and maybe some of you guys out there. ) How to make a guy show he cares and continuly show he does. Not just a once, here babe, I care then it is done ... If anyone could answer this question I would love you to death! Please don't tar all of us guys with the same brush. There are a few thoughtful, nice guys out here! I try to show my SO she's appreciated every day, maybe not as much as she'd like, but I go out of my way to let her know she's one of the most important things in my life and the most fantastic person to ever walk this earth in my eyes... I wouldn't classify myself as a sensitive guy, but I'm intelligent enough to realise I need to let her know just how much she's appreciated each and every day, and I have to say, it's far from a chore! I'd have to agree with LK to a certain extent, your guy doesn't seem to understand the importance of showing you appreciation! Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkShadows Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Funny thing is... I moved all the way to Ireland with this man... Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Please don't tar all of us guys with the same brush. There are a few thoughtful, nice guys out here! I try to show my SO she's appreciated every day, maybe not as much as she'd like, but I go out of my way to let her know she's one of the most important things in my life and the most fantastic person to ever walk this earth in my eyes... I wouldn't classify myself as a sensitive guy, but I'm intelligent enough to realise I need to let her know just how much she's appreciated each and every day, and I have to say, it's far from a chore! I'd have to agree with LK to a certain extent, your guy doesn't seem to understand the importance of showing you appreciation! If only there were enough guys like Spidy and my SO to go round eh.... Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Funny thing is... I moved all the way to Ireland with this man... Was this before the cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkShadows Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Spiderman - How do you let her know? I want to give my guy some ideas, and I have tried but he has failed to do any of them. I don't know if he forgets or just plain out doesn't care. Maybe if I gave him some insight of what others guys do, without letting him know 'these guys said this', he would do it? Maybe my requests are too "girly" for him. Which in my opinion aren't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkShadows Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Was this before the cheating? Actually I found out about the cheating about 5 and a half months after we moved here. Then about 2 months later he did it again. I told him he would need to make up for it. I asked him if he thought about how he was going to make up for it, he said "No." Later I asked him if he was serious and he said No I was kidding. I'll take you out on the weekend. So the weekend roles around and I get ready to go out and ask him "So are you taking me out?" And he said "No. I'm sick of this. I don't care anymore, yadda yadda." I guess he was sick of me bringing it up. So I left crying. On my way home I ran into him .. The weekend before we went for a walk and found a berry bush where we picked some berries and ate them. It was the best time I have had with him in awile. So on my walk I went and picked him a few berries and when I ran into I gave them to him, in hopes to wake him up. I said to him "Here, I got these for you in hopes you can see what a jerk you are being and in hopes you can see how great I am." He tossed them and said it was an insult. (Which I clearly made the mistake of saying "in hopes you can see what a jerk you are" But he was!) I said to him I can't believe you. All you ever do is see the negative side in me and in everything! You didn't even see your smile when I handed you those berries!. So I demanded he get on his knees and apologize, in which case he did. But come on man... The hard headed stubborn act of his is not cute. It's not cute in any woman or man. It's insulting. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Spiderman - How do you let her know? I want to give my guy some ideas, and I have tried but he has failed to do any of them. I don't know if he forgets or just plain out doesn't care. Maybe if I gave him some insight of what others guys do, without letting him know 'these guys said this', he would do it? Maybe my requests are too "girly" for him. Which in my opinion aren't. I'll send her flowers I'll cuddle her I'll kiss her sensually, without me intentionally wanting it to lead to sex I'll tell her I love her, I respect her and am proud of her. I'll tidy the house on sporadic intervals in her absence I'll leave little notes for her. I'll ask her how to do something, even if I know I can do it, just to make her feel good. I'll smile at her when she looks at me I'll listen to her I'll run her a bath I'll hold her hand I'll ask how she's feeling I'll let her chose the movie I'll buy her a gift I'll let her chose what we watch on the TV, every so often!! & I'll try not subject her to too much football! In a nut shell I'll just basically let her know I care... Just small insignificant daily gestures, that's all it takes! Hope this helps Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Most of that stuff makes me want to hurl but carry on Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Most of that stuff makes me want to hurl but carry on Awwww I think he's cute....! And when you're in a relationship with someone like that it makes all the difference! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Actually I found out about the cheating about 5 and a half months after we moved here. Then about 2 months later he did it again. I told him he would need to make up for it. I asked him if he thought about how he was going to make up for it, he said "No." Later I asked him if he was serious and he said No I was kidding. I'll take you out on the weekend. So the weekend roles around and I get ready to go out and ask him "So are you taking me out?" And he said "No. I'm sick of this. I don't care anymore, yadda yadda." I guess he was sick of me bringing it up. So I left crying. On my way home I ran into him .. The weekend before we went for a walk and found a berry bush where we picked some berries and ate them. It was the best time I have had with him in awile. So on my walk I went and picked him a few berries and when I ran into I gave them to him, in hopes to wake him up. I said to him "Here, I got these for you in hopes you can see what a jerk you are being and in hopes you can see how great I am." He tossed them and said it was an insult. (Which I clearly made the mistake of saying "in hopes you can see what a jerk you are" But he was!) I said to him I can't believe you. All you ever do is see the negative side in me and in everything! You didn't even see your smile when I handed you those berries!. So I demanded he get on his knees and apologize, in which case he did. But come on man... The hard headed stubborn act of his is not cute. It's not cute in any woman or man. It's insulting. He's beginning to sound like a bit of a jerk... He breaks his own self imposed rules, and won't apologise for it until pushed into it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkShadows Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Most of that stuff makes me want to hurl but carry on Wow seriously? Geez, I would love a guy who did half of those things for me! I write my bf notes, I put notes in his lunchbox. I get up in the morning even if I am not feeling good and make his lunch. I make him tea about 30432483124 times a day. I do his laundry. I take good care of him. He's diabetic so I go and buy him soda, when he still has a bottle left. Just in case he runs out. I buy him candy bars when I am out because it always puts a smile on his face. (And no I do not eat the candy I buy him.) I msg him notes saying *I love you* I go up to him sparatically and give him a hug. I compliment him on physically/emotional attributes I love about him. He does nothing for me, but complains about minor bs. Like *I make too much noise when I am cleaning." He said he was unhappy. I said what am I doing that makes you unhappy. He said "You make too much noise when you're in the kitchen." That's all he came up with! WTF! One night I was planning on making him a great dinner. I had the chicken marinating in the fridge. I went to take it out and it slipped out of my hands and I ruined dinner. I cried, I don't know why. Had a bad day. And he said that he wasn't happy at that because he thought I was mad and crying at him when I was mad at myself for ruining dinner! And he couldn't see that. One day he asked me why I am so miserable and I didn't know the answer. So the next day while he was at work I was thinking about it and came to the conclusion because he broke my trust and cheated on me. That whole entire day that was all I could think about. I called him on his lunch break and he said he was having a bad day, so that night (around 11:30 pm) I made him a cup of tea and walked half way from his job and home and sat on a bench until he showed up and gave him that warm tea and cookies to accompany it. So he could sit down half way home and relax a bit. In hopes that would put a smile on his face even though I was flipping miserable! He didn't even say thanks. Hardly a hug. When we got up from the bench he kissed my hand and I asked did you like that and he said "Yes that was cute." That's the crap I do for him. When I'm miserable I make him happy. When's it my turn... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkShadows Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 He's beginning to sound like a bit of a jerk... He breaks his own self imposed rules, and won't apologise for it until pushed into it. When I found out he said 'sorry.' But it was a half hearted sorry while looking on the ground. I demanded a better apology. A "On your knees begging for forgiveness kind" but not literally.. Took him a week to get that kind of apology and I had to ask 3 times for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Most of that stuff makes me want to hurl but carry on Every one to their own I suppose PA Don't get me wrong, I could list twice as many unsavoury traits I used to sport when I was younger and less mature, when I had little or no respect whatsoever for women. I've now grown up, found the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and don't feel the need to act in that way any more. As I said, I wouldn't say I was an overly sensitive guy, I am just intelligent enough to realise that when in a committed loving relationship you need to let the other person know they are appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 As I said, I wouldn't say I was an overly sensitive guy, I am just intelligent enough to realise that when in a committed loving relationship you need to let the other person know they are appreciated. Oh don't get me wrong... I couldn't agree more with that, and a few of the other points you made... However, if a guy I was in a relationship with said "how are you feeling?" I would probably just laugh I don't like flowers, gifts, or little sappy notes and I wouldn't need anyone to patronise me with"I'll ask her how to do something, even if I know I can do it, just to make her feel good". Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Oh don't get me wrong... I couldn't agree more with that, and a few of the other points you made... However, if a guy I was in a relationship with said "how are you feeling?" I would probably just laugh I don't like flowers, gifts, or little sappy notes and I wouldn't need anyone to patronise me with"I'll ask her how to do something, even if I know I can do it, just to make her feel good". Damn, women really are an enigma! So you wouldn't want the guy you were in a relationship with to worry about your welfare and how you were feeling?! Just out of curiosity, how would you want him to show you he cared? You may not like flowers and gifts but that's just your preference. No disrespect but you sound like hard work to me PA Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Do women really read that literary vomit? no. at least not anyone i've ever known. honestly. ever. i think they're cheesy and lame, and i've not heard anyone say differently. i think it's funny that men seem to think reading fabio novels is as common as men looking porn. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 no. at least not anyone i've ever known. honestly. ever. i think they're cheesy and lame, and i've not heard anyone say differently. i think it's funny that men seem to think reading fabio novels is as common as men looking porn. Maybe you don't, but as LK so rightly said 'clearly some do, otherwise it wouldn't be out there....!' Link to post Share on other sites
Author DarkShadows Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Anyone have any comments about the last two posts I made? I don't mean to stop your conversation, but I really would like some help here. Maybe a mans opinion on what would work? I know it would be much easier if I didn't move to a whole new country... Link to post Share on other sites
Kinger25 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Darkshadows, you really do alot for this guy huh? I feel for you because I know what it's like to be in a relationship like you are in. Your original post has spiralled a bit and now I am seeing that there are more issues in this relationship of yours than JUST the porn one. I am like you are with your BF. I make him breakfast in bed every Sunday, he's a mechanic so while he's working I make him tons of cups of tea, I wash his AND his kids clothes (they are not my children), I make dinner every night, I feed the dog, water the plants, clean the toilet, Cuddle him when he needs it, buy him things, talk to him, when he works in London he leaves at 2am so I wake him gently with a cuppa and a teacake and I respect him. Only difference between our two scenario's is that he KNOWS and APPRECIATES how much I do for him and he does make an effort to show me this. Sometimes he'll come home with flowers (I hate flowers cause it embaresses me but its the thought that counts). He doesn't do it all the time and its not always big gestures but there's little things that he says and does that let me know that he appreciates and loves me. He's not ALL perfect, he can be a complete **** sometimes but I know that he loves me. It doesn't sound like your BF gives two hoots about you and if you treat him so well, he shouldn't be like that towards you. It may be REALLY hard but why dont you ask him to move out for a while. Just a week or so and see how he copes without you then. Its not fair for him to keep treating you in this way as he's going to make you even more insecure than you already are. You need to do SOMETHING Darkshadows. I dont know you or your relationship so I cant tell you definitivley what the best course of action is but you HAVE to make a stance and believe in yourself to win his respect back. However you do it you need to stick to it. I wish you luck Link to post Share on other sites
CrushedOrgans Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Maybe you don't, but as LK so rightly said 'clearly some do, otherwise it wouldn't be out there....!' okay. but it is a more widely known phenomenon that most men watch porn, not that some women read romantic crap. and in case you didn't notice, i said "no one i've ever known." i'm speaking for myself in answer to the question put forth "does anyone actually read that literary vomit." there ya go. Link to post Share on other sites
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