how can i tell him how much i love him?

[bobinjeetinbobber]

My fiance and i have been together a year, and we always get through everything together, and i've never been so content and happy as i have been this past year. But i have an extremely hard time expressing to him how I feel, and he gets pretty hurt by it, because he thinks i just don't care that much about him. In the past it was me showing affection, like hugging him and kissing him, without him having to initiate it, and I'm doing okay thus far. But now, when he asks how much I love him, no words come out. They're there, in my head, but they just don't come out, and it kills me, because he just sits there, looking at me having nothing to say to his question. I know it hurts him alot, and i hate it, because he's always been so affectionate and caring towards me. I want so much to just tell him how much he means to me, but I can't understand why I just can't seem to do it. I know that I love him with all my heart, and will for the rest of my life, and I know i should be doing everything I can to make him happy, but the words just don't come out! I have never been very affectionate, even with family, but I know that I have to be with him, because, well, I want to. I want him to know that I'd do anything for him, that I was made to make him happy for the rest of his life, but how do I tell him that?

 

I guess i'm just looking for a magical solution that one of you will have and then everything will be fine, but I'm pretty sure none of you do. So maybe just some words of wisdom or advice on the matter?

[Tony T]

There are two possibilities.

 

The most likely is that you simply aren't up to the task because of the way you were raised. Your family was not demonstrative or verbal in the "I love you" department. People who come from families where there was little or no verbal pronouncements of love are not likely to grow up and have an easy time doing it. It simply doesn't feel right and is not comfortable because it isn't something you're used to doing.

 

If that's the case, I recommend you working with your guy once or twice a day and just saying the words, over and over, until you can reprogram yourself. No, it's not a phoney thing because you mean those words. You just need to program yourself to feel comfortable with that. It's something that in adulthood is very foreign to you because as a child you just weren't taken there. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

The other possiblity is that you are subconsciously very reserved because in the past you had to initiate all the affection towards your guy and you possibly built up a fear that these feelings were one sided. Nobody likes to tell another they love them if they don't think it's a two way thing. You indicate at this time you do feel he cares deeply about you.

 

Again, the same exercise may help.

 

As you get older and realize that each day, hour and minute could be your last...that life is very fragile and can end at any moment...you will be a lot more eager and much less reserved in being vergal about your love for those around you for whom you have those feelings.

[velvet]

I agree with Tony, and that it comes from your background and the way you were raised. I was raised by divorced parents and my mother and I always said I Love You after each phone call and before we ever said goodbye. My father raised me. He was very lenient and loving. But for the 18 yrs I lived with him we couldnt say I love you with out our faces turning red. After I moved a thousand miles away from him we started to say I love you after each phone call. Now that I have moved back and hes within miles from me, we dont say I love you like we used to. But its easier than it was before I left the nest.

 

I would reccomend some creative writting. Perhaps explaining that it is hard not express how much you love him but the stage fright keeps you from doing so. Valentines Day is coming up very soon. I would reccomend that you come up with something very special for him to express yourself. Start off with a card to write down your story. Just like the one you wrote for advice on this forum.

 

Than a second card to say Happy Valentines day. Than something very sweet and seductive as another gift for Valentines. Maybe some chocolate cigars, a smooth drink, and a deck of cards for a game of strip poker.

 

It doesnt have to be hard to express your feelings. If you can right it on paper, its a start. Than gradually you can train yourself to verbally express.

 

 

 

There are two possibilities. The most likely is that you simply aren't up to the task because of the way you were raised. Your family was not demonstrative or verbal in the "I love you" department. People who come from families where there was little or no verbal pronouncements of love are not likely to grow up and have an easy time doing it. It simply doesn't feel right and is not comfortable because it isn't something you're used to doing.

 

If that's the case, I recommend you working with your guy once or twice a day and just saying the words, over and over, until you can reprogram yourself. No, it's not a phoney thing because you mean those words. You just need to program yourself to feel comfortable with that. It's something that in adulthood is very foreign to you because as a child you just weren't taken there. Don't be so hard on yourself. The other possiblity is that you are subconsciously very reserved because in the past you had to initiate all the affection towards your guy and you possibly built up a fear that these feelings were one sided. Nobody likes to tell another they love them if they don't think it's a two way thing. You indicate at this time you do feel he cares deeply about you. Again, the same exercise may help. As you get older and realize that each day, hour and minute could be your last...that life is very fragile and can end at any moment...you will be a lot more eager and much less reserved in being vergal about your love for those around you for whom you have those feelings.

[yes]

I don't see the necessity of expressing your love verbally.

 

Yes, i've been raised in a family where we dont say 'i love u' to each other but god do we all know we love each other.

 

Words are nothing... actions are everything. If he FEELS your love, u dont need to say it.

 

if somebody asked me how MUCH i love them, i'd simply make fun of them... it's a silly question ...

 

So if u think u must learn to be verbally affectionate - take tony's advice.

 

I'm not verbally affectionate at all, but u can always tell from my actions, from the way i treat a person, from the way i look at them, etc ... I guess I'm pretty affectionate physically - lotsa hugs n all ... it makes up for it.

 

Just letting u know verbal affection isn't really ESSENTIAL. I personally find sweet-talk yucky ...

 

Best of luck!!!

My fiance and i have been together a year, and we always get through everything together, and i've never been so content and happy as i have been this past year. But i have an extremely hard time expressing to him how I feel, and he gets pretty hurt by it, because he thinks i just don't care that much about him. In the past it was me showing affection, like hugging him and kissing him, without him having to initiate it, and I'm doing okay thus far. But now, when he asks how much I love him, no words come out. They're there, in my head, but they just don't come out, and it kills me, because he just sits there, looking at me having nothing to say to his question. I know it hurts him alot, and i hate it, because he's always been so affectionate and caring towards me. I want so much to just tell him how much he means to me, but I can't understand why I just can't seem to do it. I know that I love him with all my heart, and will for the rest of my life, and I know i should be doing everything I can to make him happy, but the words just don't come out! I have never been very affectionate, even with family, but I know that I have to be with him, because, well, I want to. I want him to know that I'd do anything for him, that I was made to make him happy for the rest of his life, but how do I tell him that? I guess i'm just looking for a magical solution that one of you will have and then everything will be fine, but I'm pretty sure none of you do. So maybe just some words of wisdom or advice on the matter?