alphamale Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 The Nice Husband’s Guide An actual 2006 Article Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for her return. This is a way of letting her know that you have been thinking about her and are concerned about her needs. Most women are hungry when they come home from their high-powered job and the prospect of a good meal (especially her favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when she arrives. Shave, cut your nose hairs and put on deodorant. She has just been with a lot of work-weary people.Be a little gay and a little more interesting for her. Her boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Don't be afraid to emulate some of the homosexuals you see on TV. Women like homosexuals because they are happy, stylish and not sexually threatening.Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your wife arrives.Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. And don't forget to hide the porn.Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for her to unwind by. Your wife will feel she has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for her personal comfort is why you were put on earth.Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes/diapers. They are little treasures and she would like to see them playing the part. Minimize all noise by turning off all electrics and gagging the children.Be happy to see her even if you can't stand to be in the same room with her.Greet her with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please her.Listen to her. You may have a dozen important things to tell her, but the moment of her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first – remember, her topics of conversation are more important than yours. After all, your opinions and observations mean diddley squat.Make the evening hers. Never complain if she comes home late or goes out to dinner with her much younger lover. Instead, try to understand her world of strain and pressure and her very real need to have cheap sex with a moronic yet buff stud.Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your wife can renew herself in body and spirit.Don’t greet her with complaints and problems. Keep quiet about negative things that may cause her to go into a PMS fueled rampage.Don’t complain if she’s late home for dinner or even if she stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what she might have gone through that day.Make her comfortable. Have her lean back in a comfortable chair or have her lie down in the bedroom and give her oral until you can't feel your tongue. Have a cool or warm drink ready for her afterwards.Arrange her pillow and offer to take off her $800 Jimmy Choo sandals. Yes, the same ones she bought right after she decided you could not have that new HD-TV.Don’t ask her questions about her actions or question her judgment or integrity. Remember, she is the mistress of the house and as such will always exercise her will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question her...especially when she has the whips and chains out.A good husband always knows his place. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Ah alpha, I adore you. AND your quote is hilarious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 Ah alpha, I adore you. AND your quote is hilarious. thanx b_0 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Good one alpha! And yeah, you siggy is funny too! I can hear it in my head, thanks! lol Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
HopefulOne Posted August 30, 2006 Share Posted August 30, 2006 Good One !!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted August 30, 2006 Author Share Posted August 30, 2006 LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead...HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead....HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead. Dude........I saw this last night on TV and I thought WTF? Is it for headaches or what? Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead...HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead....HeadOn, apply directly to the forehead. Dude........I saw this last night on TV and I thought WTF? Is it for headaches or what? I don't know but the commercial is driving me insane! Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 And then I saw that you have over eleven thousand posts and that became a bigger WTF???????? What started your adventure here at Loveshack? Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 But WAIT!!! There's More!!!! If you're one of the first fifty callers, we'll include............. Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/89/79/pr-Over-the-Counter_Medicine-HeadOn-Apply_Directly_To_Forehead_Tension_Headache_Relief-resized200.jpg Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I don't know but the commercial is driving me insane! Goddammit, I saw it again and it's playing in my head! Someone shoot me, please! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 :lmao: :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Interloper Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 How about "the nice Wife's guide" ? But, you can't do a list of nice things that a woman can do for their men. That would be oppressive!!!! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 ahhh Alpha you missed : Subscribe to clothing and shoe catalogs so your wife can relax while reading and deciding which products she would like to purchase from the catalogs while you are making dinner. Then sit down with her briefly so she can show you her selections and you can give your opinion if she should purchase the sling backs or the open toed shoes. I do this with my horse tack catalogs while my H slaves over the stove!!! :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 How about "the nice Wife's guide" ? But, you can't do a list of nice things that a woman can do for their men. That would be oppressive!!!! :laugh: dude, originally this was a nice wives guide in the 1950s however someone has changed it into the nice husbands guide just to be funny .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted September 2, 2006 Author Share Posted September 2, 2006 dude, originally this was a nice wives guide in the 1950s however someone has changed it into the nice husbands guide just to be funny .... yeah, that was me! Link to post Share on other sites
UnknowingOW Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 LOL!!!! I was just sent me a copy of the original [COLOR=#010101][FONT=Verdana]An Actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article.[/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=4][COLOR=#0080c0] [/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][FONT=Arial][COLOR=#010101][COLOR=#010101][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/FONT][FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][COLOR=#010101][COLOR=#010101][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Roo Posted September 2, 2006 Share Posted September 2, 2006 lol great job Alpha.. my H is rolling... then he said... as if... lol figures! Link to post Share on other sites
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