I can't handle praise or criticism

[james007]

I believe most of the criticism I get from my girlfriend, friends, parents, and especially LS posters is destructive criticism. There's very few people on this planet who actually give constrictive criticsm. I personally don't find the criticism on this website constructive at all.

 

What's even worse is that I don't take praise very well either. I don't like to be praised when I do a good job at something. I take offense to my girlfriend anytime she praises my actions. Why? maybe it's because I'm so used to getting destructive criticism that praise is not something I desire anymore.

 

When I'm improving myself I'm doing it for me not to get praised from other people around me. So I would appreciate it if I never get praised again! I don't like getting praise reports from my boss either.

[blind_otter]

What is YOUR definition of constructive criticism?

[james007]

I haven't found a definition for it yet but I do know what the definition of destructive criticism is.

 

Probably another reason I get uncomfortable with getting praised is that I am naturally self critical and self analyzing. Which I think is a good thing. I never want to stop being self critical.

[blind_otter]

I read on wikipedia that people who experience an excessive amount of nagging criticism will start to misinterpret constructive criticism as well and start to become defensive.

 

I also found this on wikipedia.org:

 

In an online forum lacking face-to-face contact, constructive criticism can be easily misinterpreted and online exchanges often spiral out of control, becoming flamewars. Effective interpersonal communication skills can be helpful to assess the recipient's frame of mind. During initial exchanges or when encountering defensive individuals, effective criticism calls for softer language and inclusion of positive comments. When the recipient strongly identifies with contentious areas (such as politics or religion), non-offensive criticism becomes challenging.

 

There is such a thing as being overly self critical. If you fall in to that trap you really are in danger of becoming depressed or pessimistic. AS hard as you are on yourself, you will be hard on other people as well (I do this all the time) and then as a result you can come off as a jerk without realizing it. Which will elicit the same sort of nagging criticisms you mention earlier.

 

If you go easier on yourself, and on others, you start to realize that other people will go easier on you.....

 

JMO, though, take it with a grain of salt.

[whichwayisup]

I don't like getting praise reports from my boss either.

 

Yeah, but if it means you're going to get more money, that's a good thing.

 

I mirror what B_O has said..

[monkey00]

some people are naturally more defensive than others, i wouldnt be surprised that you are. However dont forget that they criticize because they care, they are the closest people in your life afterall!

 

As good as criticism may be, there are always lines that shouldnt be crossed...not to the point of disrespect. And as bad as you think criticism may be, after a certain while after all the criticism you'd expect the person who's criticized to wise up and clean up his/her act...and often that is not the case. People rarely ever change. if you want them to stop nagging at you, then be a man and do something about it. You can either -

 

A) rebel

B) ignore (pretend that you heard nothing)

or

C) conform (and clean up your act)

[RecordProducer]

I don't think any criticism is peaceful in its nature, but it doesn't mean it can't be constructive. In other words, it can be both destructive and constructive at the same time... sometimes.

 

Many people will criticize you just to hurt you. Sometimes they will say BS, sometimes they will be (also) honest and open your eyes about your mistakes.

 

I have a rule in my heart: if it hurts - it's not said to help me. It's said to hurt me. Then I evaluate the criticism, regardless of whether it's with good or bad intentions, and estimate if it's truthful and helpful. If there is anything in it that I want to use for my own improvement, I process their words; if not, I release the thoughts about it.

 

When people tell us how good we are, we feel good. When they criticize us, it feels bad. Sometimes it's just annoying. This is all normal. If we get too much criticism about the same thing, from many people, we should either change that particular thing about us or - change our environment.

[norajane]

Praise is generally welcomed by most people. It can embarrass some shyer people, or it can feel inappropriate if it's too effusive and gushing, or if it's given for the wrong reasons or at the wrong times.

 

Criticism, on the other hand, is pretty hard for most people to accept. It's natural for people to resist...it's a blow to the ego that we might not be as smart or as talented or as whatever as we think or hope we are!

 

For me, if criticism is offered by someone I respect, I'm more likely to listen to it and learn from it.

[james007]

The thing is there is really no way of knowing the intentions behind the criticism of members on a relationship advice board. To be real honest I don't trust the majority of posters here. I mean should we ever really trust a faceless stranger on a message board? I sure's hell don't.

 

I think alot of LS members use "tough love" as an excuse to berate and put me down. Well unless you feed me and pay my bills and put a roof over my head you are in no position to offer me any tough love.

 

There might be only 2 or 3 members that I trust as far as their intentions behind the criticism and consequently I take their advice more to heart than anyone else's. I won't mention any names because I don't think this is the apporpiate forum for it. Plus I've already commended and thanked them in PMs for their contributions. So those 3 members know who they are.