unique friendship

[moneyboat]

I am a senior in college and I have been interested in the same girl since I was a freshman. We dated my freshman year and then early sophmore year we both relized we were not ready for a relationship, so we started to build a frienship. Slowly she became one of my best friends and we could share anything with each other. Well later on sophmore year we defined the relationship because I had strong feelings towards her.

 

During this discussion she said she did not have those feelings for me. We decided just to see where the road takes us. My feelings for her never left. As time went on she became my best friend. In the middle of my junior year she completly told me her deepest secrets. Just recently we have been hanging out alone a lot. Dating type stuff like mini golf, movies, and out for dinners. So I asked her out on an official date and she still stood by her not having feelings for me.

 

During this talk we both realized that if we got in other relationships our friendship would end, we both cried and came to the conclusion that we should all together end the chance for a relationship. The tough part is I can not shake my feelings for her, and spending time with her will be tough knowing that the couple thing will never happen. I will take all the advice or questions I can get.

[bluechocolate]

...we both cried and came to the conclusion that we should all together end the chance for a relationship.

 

YOU should all together end the chance of a friendship too, at least for the time being. You are not her friend. I wonder why she doesn't realise this & cut you loose?

 

At worst she is taking advantage of your friendship knowingly, at best she is taking advantage unknowingly. Either way, it has to end. Meet some other women & stop hanging out with her hoping for something more.

 

p.s. there is nothing unique here, this happens to lots of people all of the time.

[JCD]

I bet she is one of these types that gets a boyfriend that abuses her and she will be with him only because she finds him sexy. Move on with your life. You deserve better.

[Moai]

Hit the road and don't look back. Basically, you are her un-boyfriend boyfriend right now. She gets all the fun, support, and companionship she needs and you get nothing--namely, sex and the close feeling that brings.

 

Never, ever ask a girl like this on an official "date". That seals your doom. Now she knows you want her, which means she will NEVER want you. A previous poster is absolutely right: she will drop you and your friendship in a second to be with an emotionally distant player douchebag, because she knows she doesn't "own" him. That is what she looks for, that is what she needs, that is what she deserves, and that is not you.

 

She might genuinely care about you, but deep down she doesn't respect you or she wouldn't have allowed this relationship to develop as it has. It sucks, but she is using you.

 

If you want a chance with her at all (which you shouldn't), bail on her for a few months, and then talk to her casually and freindly, and whatever you do don't mention dating her! And, date as many other women as you can. If you're lucky you'll click with one of them and you'll wonder what it was that you saw in the first chick in the first place.

[Poboy]

moneyboat, its a tough one cause you two share a great friendship ...generally i advise people to get away but if the friendship is really worth lkeeping cause in reality , one rarely finds those true true friends out there

 

This is what i did & it worked

 

I really liked this girl & we didnt know each other. So i got to know her over sometime & found we were quite similar... so our friendship grew & grew to the extent of people thinking that we were a couple. BUT she was certain in her mind always that we should never be that cause

1) she didnt see me that way as a couple

2) our friendship had reached such a point that it would be stupid to take the pluge into dating & ruin the friendship.

 

Even though i loved her a lot , we both one day sat down & discussed it fully ... merits & demerits of us being in a relationship.

The conclusion we came to it was best we remained friends. So we decided for us not to see each other for a while ... that time period became a long 2 years ( thats how long it took me to get over her which can be different for different people depending on circumstances in life ) ... We did stay in touch through messengers , phone call etc but never met up just like that , we only met in case the other one needed help like moving the house ... that kind of stuff.

Over the 2 years , i met & dated other women & fell in love with someone else which helped me immensely . slowly , that feeling for her started going away and at the end of 2 years , i came to the point thaty i knew i had no feelings for her to be my gf and be just friends.

We then met up again to test this out ( i had communicated to her over time how has been the process for me to keep her updated too cause we never wanted to loose our friendship ). We met & we became like we were before ... but with no feelings in our minds of just being friends.

Today we are the best of buddies & our friendship growing strong & we know its going to last forever types

 

So If she is of the kinds of being the best of friends , dont let her go cause they will always be there when others wont. What you need to keep in mind is , you have to get over her in due time which can be quite long and is dependent on you & how you deal with it. If you think you cant do it , then let her go & get along with your life cause there will be other women & friends.

 

Good Luck