2 kids, high school GF, 12 years on and off,....

[HEREiGOagain]

Hey everyone, I hope you all can help a bit.

 

I am 28 years old, and I have a story for you, I will keep it as short as I can.

 

Met my NOW ex girlfriend when I was 16, ....12 years ago. We dated for a short time in high school, THEN BROKE UP. Then at age 18 she got married (we are the same age), to a guy in the army, she moved to germany, got pregenant, he was abusive, and she said f off, and moved back home. We got back together when her daughter was 3 months old, I was 20 at the time. We spent 4 years together, and had a lot of great times, but some problems and break-ups along the way, mostly minor, but one for a bout a month. We had a child together and when our daughter was 9 months old, she cheated on me and left. I WAS CRUSHED. For almost 2 YEARS, I stayed in DEEP DEEP DEPRESSION. I couldn't let go, and I refused to move on! Then one day, she called!!! Not like any other normal call, but to say she wanted to work things out. I was sooooooo happy. So for the last 3 years we were together again, once again mostly good. But about 3 months ago she broke up with me again. I am not as depressed as I was in the past, but still can't move on, and desire a reunion once again.

 

I loved her so much, I did everything for her, paid for everything, supported her through thick and thin, and loved her and the 2 kids sooooo much. She knows I love her, and she knows I'm soooo upset, although I have been doin an excellent job RECENTLY (last 2-3 weeks) in keeping my composure!

 

We owned a huge home, which I moved out of, but then decided to move back into, then she immediately went out and bought another house, LIKE 8 blocks away! I do real estate, and I was the one who sold her the house, I even gave her $30,000 to put down, $20,000 of which will be paid back. I take the kids all the time, and love her child equally as much as my natural daughter!

 

During the last 1 year of our relationship, I was opening a new business, and was ALWAYS stressed out, what didn't help either was I was a pothead, WHICH SHE HATED, but it helped my stress, AND HELPED KILL MY RELATIONSHIP, I lost my energy, and I guess because of everything goin on, lost my desire to be a active participant in my family. It wasn't that I didn't love them, I WAS JUST LOST. I still did tons of stuff for them and especially her, but didn't do much with them!

 

In the beginning of the break-up WAS NASTY. Then in a short time we started hanging out a little, NOT TO GET BACK TOGETHER EVEN THOUGH THAT IS WHAT I WANTED, and she knows it. After about 4-5 times doing stuff together, I was driving her home, and broke down crying in front of her, saying how I much I love her, and how much I want to work things out. I said that I couldn't hang out with her anymore, and she said she respected that. That was my attempt to take away, and pull back from her! I just can't keep it up.

 

SHE HAS SAID THINGS IN THE LAST 3 MONTHS LIKE:

 

1."I don't know what the future holds"

2.She said, "My friends at work have a pool, to see how long it will take for you to move in with me" why the hell would she say that to me

3.I will always love you, but I'm not in love with you

4.I wish you would have gotten help before all this pain had set in (in repsonse to me going to counseling, taking meds for depression, and quitting pot)

5.I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU.....(but then why keep calling and goin to dinner)

 

MORAL IS SHE SEND TONS OF MIXED MESSAGES!!!! At least that is how I interpurt them, I could be wrong, and more then half are probably negative!

 

In the past she always had someone before she broke it off with me, WHICH HURT ME SOOOOO BAD! But this time she swares she doesn't want to see anyone, (and that gives me hope) but it will only be a matter of time before she does. SHE IS BEAUTIFUL, and won't stay single long. She SEEMS VERY anti-relationship, at this point. BUT WITH THAT BEING SAID, she seems pretty active on myspace, and has some interesting friends.... BULL****!

 

A couple more points:

1. She calls me at least 1-3 times per day, sometimes about the kids, and sometimes for absolutely nothing, I love hearing her voice but it messes with me

2. About a week ago, she got crazy pissed at me, because when I was in her presence I took a call, and she thought it was another girl, she didn't admit that was why she got pissed, but it was.

3. When we talk I try to keep it short, and I try to not do things with her, but sometimes (like 3 days ago) it was my daughters birthday, and her first ever day at school, so me and her went to kindergarten with our daughter (all parents do the first day at this school) but after that, she wanted to get lunch, and I hung out at her home for 2 hours, and cried my eyes out when I got home, because things went sooooo welll, and I want that to be forever, not just one day!

4. Just like #3, I find myself taking them out to dinner sometimes, we hang out at our older daughter's soccer practices, SHE CALLS me everyday (sometimes she starts the conversation off by saying "I'm sorry to call you but I had to tell you something funny" or something like that.

 

 

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO, IN THE BEGINNING OF THIS BREAK-UP I PROPOSED TO HER, KNOWING SHE WOULD SAY NO! Because I should of a long time ago, but I was always too busy working my ass off to buy her something (we have lived in 3 homes in the last 5 years) and had 5 MAJOR purchases in the last 3 years) something was always going on!!!! Not a excuse!

 

Once again I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!! NC is not an option, becuase of the kids! I see her every morning, she drops the kids off and I put them on the bus! She always calls me, and I can't stop myself from picking up the phone, in fact if I don't after 2-3 times, she usually text messages me something ignorant!

 

I love this woman more then anything, I LOVE MY FAMILY. I MISS MY KIDS and HER EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY! I just don't know how to win them back. I have read every book, I go to 2 different counselers, and have a good support system. But I get so many opposite opinions. I'd love to hear some of your guys' advice!

 

PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I am 28 years old, I'm really successful, I am fairly good-looking, and have a HUGE HEART! But that huge heart feels like its been ripped out of my chest, once again, by the love of my life! We are truly great together, but she turns into stone once evry 2-4 years, it seems. She says she is hurt, and doesn't want to be with me at all "RIGHT NOW", but if that is the case then leave me alone,....right? For every one time I call her, she calls me 10-12 times,.....AT LEAST!!!

 

PLEASE HELP!!! PLEASE RESPOND!!!

[Guest]

Hey.....I'm in a really similar situation. I think she probably just wants to let you down gently, if there is such a thing. You sound like you'll do better than me though, I'm 38, not successful (though I was when I met my ex) and I screwed up everything trying to be succesful again when I didn't even have to. We have 2 kids (with one broken daddy.)

 

I reckon if you have a snowball's chance with your ex, you'll have to be super strong, let her know you love her without saying so (gestures only). Date others, show her you are going on with things, and wait for her next reationship to screw up.

 

I wish you luck....