Things to do BEFORE Marriage....

[DeeBrod83]

Hey!

I read an article in a magazine about things every person should do before they tie the knot and settle down. I was thinking that you guys would probably have a lot of good ideas too.

 

Here's one I had:

-Live alone. I think everyone should be able and confident in taking care of themselves so they don't get 'stuck' in poor relationships b/c they're afraid of being unable to take care of themselves.

 

What do y'all think!? Serious, fun, silly: anything is acceptable!

[KittenMoon]

Make at least one major financial transaction alone. i.e. buy a car, an apt, a house, get loans for schooling.... etc.

 

And be, if only for a short time, entirely financially independent.

[a4a]

get the threesomes out of the way and the same sex experimenting out of the way :lmao:

 

cancel your porn subscription.

 

oh and hang out with the soon to be inlaws for at least one week straight...to see if they are tolerable or not.

[RecordProducer]

Try out lots of sex with different people so you don't wonder later if the grass is greener elsewhere!

 

I was serious.

 

But most importantly, I think you should get to know as many types of the opposite sex as possible in relationships to be sure what you don't want in your spouse. Often we accept things because we don't know any better.

 

The system of elimination works well if you have lots (of features and type of people) to eliminate!

[DeeBrod83]

Ok, so far: you should be financially independent and have sex with lots of different people (same and opposite sex). This sure sounds like a lot of fun that's for sure!

[superconductor]

Buy tools. Drills, saws, all manner of hardware for the house and the car. Once in a relationship, the money's always going somewhere else, but if you've already got a good set of tools you'll never regret it.

[onmyownagain]

Never buy a property, that way if your wife leaves you in the future you are not stuck with a mortgage for her house why you live in a small flat, you have to rent because you can't afford another mortgage :-)

[DeeBrod83]

Never buy a property, that way if your wife leaves you in the future you are not stuck with a mortgage for her house why you live in a small flat, you have to rent because you can't afford another mortgage :-)

hmmm.... sounds like this comes from personal experience....! But can't I buy a house BEFORE I get involved with someone? Especially seeing as I'd be the wife? I'm j/k.

[Walk]

Redo one room in your house together, or work on a project of moderate proportions together. If you can't hack it, at least you'll split before you get married.

 

Actually.. I was thinking it'd be good to make goals for "after" the wedding. Like where you see the relationship 3, 7, 10 and 15 years later. Where you want your communication levels to be, what you both see your relationship as during those times. How you would want your SO to approach you for problems, etc.. Like a generalized plan for the good, bad, and the ugly, and whether your ideals match up with each other.

 

Otherwise, I think we tend to see marriage as the final step, instead of just another step in the evolution of a relationship.

[DeeBrod83]

I was thinking more as a single person, but since we hit this subject, what do people think about pre-martial counselling? Yay, nay? Has anyone tried it?

[laRubiaBonita]

I was thinking more as a single person, but since we hit this subject, what do people think about pre-martial counselling? Yay, nay? Has anyone tried it?

 

i think pre caounseling is a great idea! even if just for some ideas on how to deal with things once married.

 

 

while single: i think living by yourself, maybe with a roomate, not nessesarily alone... is a Biggie!

also the finacial thing, making payments is a real life experience, especially to an entity that could careless if the mail was slow or what ever your excuse maybe for a late payment!

 

LEARN HOW TO COOK! and i am not talking hotdogs, mac and cheese, or spaghetti. The best way is to throw a dinner party... which is great fun too!

[littlekitty]

I'd pretty much agree with all of the above!!

 

1. Living alone
   
2. Finacially Independent
   
3. Major life purchase
   
4. Cooking
   
5. Sexual Experimentation
   
6. Travel Alone
   
7. Party harty... stay out all night!
   

[superconductor]

Never buy a property, that way if your wife leaves you in the future you are not stuck with a mortgage for her house why you live in a small flat, you have to rent because you can't afford another mortgage :-)

Well, this wouldn't be an issue providing you get a prenup signed with excludes previously-owned property. No prenup = no marriage.

[Spiderman]

1. Sexual experimentation

2. Stay out all night partying and sexually experimenting!

3. Buy a car - sexually experiment in it!

4. Buy a house - sexually experiment in the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, garden, spare bedroom and the shed!

5. Travel - Sexually experiment in every country!

 

 

 

Hope I've helped

[Ripples]

I can't better Spiderman's suggestions, think he's got it taped. However, I think it's a good idea to make sure one has a life of one's own. Own interests, own friends, own hobbies.

[Adunaphel]

Learn to pick locks, to crack email accounts, to snoop without leaving trace and to hide or destroy evidence after you have been messing around yourself.

 

Serously:

Live on my own, learn to drive a car properly and to change a tire.

[Mz. Pixie]

Live on your own and learn how to buy a car- make financial decisions. That way, if anything happens with your SO you can make it on your own.

 

I think you should have your own little nest egg- and not tell anyone about it- just in case. Not a huge amount- but enough to be able to get an apt should it get bad.

 

Before you ever get married- discuss at length with your so

 

1. Money styles- who's going to handle the money- joint or separate accounts- all of those kinds of things.

 

2. Religion

 

3. Children- yes? No? How many? If you are different religions what religion does your SO expect the children to be brought up in?

 

4. Goals for the future

 

5. Should the wife continue to work after the kids are born? If so how would that be handled.

 

6. Household chores- who is going to handle what. What are his expectations towards you regarding housework- and cooking- stuff like that. What is his contribution going to be.

 

7. Any sexual issues- frequency- lack of whatever- how often you guys should date- who should plan them- any type of sexual issue that needs to be brought up. What's his idea of frequency and what's yours??

[LittleLady]

I don't plan things that methodically like a robot... I just let the wind carry me.

The problem with lots of sexual experimentation is that it's hard to find someone to please you after a while. Because after you felt those one or two men do it RIGHT, you don't want to settle for less. I'm very picky now of days and it hasn't helped matters.

 

All of these plans and discussions tears the romance out of the relationship to me. I know too many people who carefully planned their "perfect" lives only to let it all go up in smoke. I don't ever plan on living in stepford.

[CynicalP]

If the OP is a man I would say not to get married at all. The return of investment is not in your favor. It's is better to wear the badge of non-commitment then get caught in the quagmire of marriage.

[Spiderman]

If the OP is a man I would say not to get married at all. The return of investment is not in your favor. It's is better to wear the badge of non-commitment then get caught in the quagmire of marriage.

 

Quagmire - Nice word

 

CynicalP, harsh statement! You sound like you've had your fingers burnt?

[Spiderman]

I can't better Spiderman's suggestions, think he's got it taped. However, I think it's a good idea to make sure one has a life of one's own. Own interests, own friends, own hobbies.

 

Glad someone agrees with me ;)

[justagirliegirl]

If the OP is a man I would say not to get married at all. The return of investment is not in your favor. It's is better to wear the badge of non-commitment then get caught in the quagmire of marriage.

 

If you can't do all those things after marriage, marriage sounds like a death sentence to me.

 

As a woman I'm really not seeing any advantage to being married either. More mess, more laundry, more problems.

[Spiderman]

10 positive facts to getting married :-

 

1. Marriage allows people to overcome feelings of loneliness and incompleteness by forming a complementary union, and provides a relationship of mutual care, respect, and protection.

 

2. Married people are happier and healthier than widowed, divorced, separated, cohabiting or never-married people, and tend to live longer than those who are not married.

 

3. Unmarried people spend twice as much time as patients in hospitals as their married peers and have lower activity levels.

 

4. Married people experience the lowest rates of mental disorder among all social groups of people, and are less likely to commit suicide than unmarried people.

 

5. Marriage protects women from domestic and general violence.

 

6. Marriage provides the highest levels of sexual pleasure and fulfilment for men and women.

 

7. Married people enjoy greater wealth than unmarried people - and the longer they stay married, the more their wealth accumulates

 

8. Married employees are generally happier and healthier than employees who are divorced, cohabiting, or un-partnered, and on average, they earn higher wages than their single counterparts and have lower absenteeism

 

9 . Married parents give children the best chance of becoming happy, healthy, and morally upright citizens in the future.

 

10. Married parents tend to have better parent-child relationships

[superconductor]

It's also been said that married men live longer than unmarried men.

 

That may be true, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

[DeeBrod83]

Wow... I never thought about that aspect of the sexual experimenting thing..... it would definitely be difficult to settle for mediocre when you've had "WOW"......

BTW, I'm the OP and I'm a chick. And I agree that sometimes getting married isn't the best option! But call me crazy, I still believe in romance and happiness in a lifelong relationship.....!!! Just not ready to be there yet! I'm having too much fun being NOT MARRIED!