TiffanyP Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Hi Ya'll! I am getting married in 5 weeks and I'm getting cold feet. I know cold feet is common but I ask myself what is the root of the cold feet. There is nothing wrong with my fiance but my main reasons for cold feet are I feel I'm still young (26 years old) and feel I want to experience more in life before settling down and also not sure if I want to give up my independence and freedom. Is there any test to take to guide me through a decision of sticking with it or calling the wedding off? Am I wrong in thinking these things? Are these valid concerns of mine? As anyone experience the same and what did you do and rationale? Any suggestions or guidance would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the rambling, just trying to make the right decision. TIA! Tiff Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 In my opinion, if you're not ABSOLUTELY sure.....maybe you should post-pone. This is a LIFE long decision....... Link to post Share on other sites
DeeBrod83 Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I agree.... there's not a thing wrong with waiting, but rushing it may lead to catastrophe! But seriously, if you feel that you will have regrets, or that you will be haunted by these desires, you need to listen to your gut. You're gut's never wrong, just sometimes your interpretation of it's meaning.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TiffanyP Posted August 31, 2006 Author Share Posted August 31, 2006 Thanks for the "Quick" responses! I've seem some people say the cold feet was due to having doubts about the fiance which makes the decision much easier but there is nothing wrong with him. It's really me and my future and has nothing to do with him. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 postpone the wedding. you'll know when you are ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Wow. Everyone says postpone!? I'm kinda shocked. Are these not normal feelings she's having? I'd think that since she had says yes to his proposal in the first place, she wanted to marry him. Don't most people get cold feet? I'm not saying that she should jump into it either. I'm just wondering if it is just that serious or if this is normal behavior for five weeks ahead of your wedding date. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Wow. Everyone says postpone!? I'm kinda shocked. Are these not normal feelings she's having? I wish I would have listened to that little voice in me back in 1993. It would have saved me 4 yrs of hell and a lot of money. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I wish I would have listened to that little voice in me back in 1993. It would have saved me 4 yrs of hell and a lot of money. I understand. But doesn't everyone have that voice? Or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Wow. Everyone says postpone!? I'm kinda shocked. Are these not normal feelings she's having? I'd think that since she had says yes to his proposal in the first place, she wanted to marry him. Don't most people get cold feet?Sure, cold feet is normal. But listen to her.....she's talking about her independence and freedom. She has legitimate concerns, and should be adressed. Divorce should be avoided at all costs.....even if it mean not getting married. In my mind, divorce has eternal consequences. And before I get friggin' ripped.....I said, "In my mind"....(Man, I shouldn't have to do this crap to avoid being ripped by just a couple members of this site)..... Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 Sure, cold feet is normal. But listen to her.....she's talking about her independence and freedom. She has legitimate concerns, and should be adressed. Divorce should be avoided at all costs.....even if it mean not getting married. In my mind, divorce has eternal consequences. And before I get friggin' ripped.....I said, "In my mind"....(Man, I shouldn't have to do this crap to avoid being ripped by just a couple members of this site)..... LOL! I gotcha Moose, and you should not be ripped for your opinion. I did notice that she mentioned her freedom and independence as well. I dont want to hog her thread, but I did notice when she said that and I said to myself, "why would she think that marriage is a lost of freedom"? In my mind it isn't. To the OP, maybe you'd want to answer that as well. Do any of you think pre-marital counselling might be on the order here? She sounds like she's afraid of what could be to come, something that she needs to talk with her fiance about. Get a better understanding from him. She may be worrying over nothing. I do see all of your points though. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 YES, listen to that voice. If that voice is talking to you about freedom, etc. you are NOT ready. In 2 or 3 years that voice is going to get LOUDER and then what will you do? Wait until you don't feel that way anymore. Speaking for myself I had a nagging little doubt the first time I got married and it only lasted 3 years (the marriage I mean.) Second time NO doubts and we celebrated 11 years in June. Please listen to your inner voice and put this wedding off until you are SURE with no doubts. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 What are these freedoms you are afraid you will lose? What is it that you think you can't do after you are married that you would like to do? Perhaps these are things you can enjoy doing/experiencing/sharing together, like traveling or taking up sky diving. As to the independence, yes, you give up some when you get married. You have to take your spouse into consideration when making large decisions that impact both of you, like moving to a new city. You also have to take your spouse into consideration for smaller things, like asking them if next weekend would be a good time to go for a spa weekend with your girlfriends. However, unless you have a controlling spouse, you don't suddenly stop being the person that you are just because you're married. It's usually having kids that really impacts your lifestyle; marriage changes it somewhat, but there's no reason to lose yourself in it if your spouse is equally independent in spirit and thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 But doesn't everyone have that voice? Nope. If you regard marriage as some sort of prison, then don't marry. To me, it's freeing in a way - in that part of your life is settled and you are released from going through the hassles of dating, finding, losing, etc etc. You should be looking forward to being with the person; feeling that the experience will be pleasant and something that allows you to grow and develop rather than something that chains you to the wall. As for 'freedom', well, yes, it's loving to let the person you care about know where you are and consider that person in decisions, but if that's a chore to you then I put it to you that you aren't meant to be a couple - maybe not any couple. there's no reason to lose yourself in it if your spouse is equally independent in spirit and thought. Exactly. I think of marriage (and I've been married) as a base from which you can launch yourself - individually or together. Link to post Share on other sites
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