Guest Posted August 31, 2006 Share Posted August 31, 2006 I feel awful even writing this. I've been married for 7 years-the thing is that our marriage is loveless. I really, really tried but alot of the time I feel like something is missing. We don't even talk anymore-he does get sex though. He seems to be happy with things the way they are. I'm not. When I try to tell him that I need things to change, he blows me off. For a while, I thought if I did everything to make him happy (never argue, always agree) he'd come around. Instead i feel like a maid and a nanny and a sex toy, and honestly, most of the time I cannot stand being around him, although i hide it well. He's forgotten my birthday for 7 years now, and is very, very critical. he is a good man though and I do not want to break our family up. He may be a bad husband but he's a fantastic father-and I'd rather put our children first. I don't want to be a singal mom-although I begged for a divorce a year ago. he has poor health and I do worry about what would happen if left. The problem is that for many years now, I have been in love with my ex. I have pushed down these feelings because he did not love me back. I let him go with love and hope he does well. I did make the mistake of emailing him 3 weeks ago-I was rather formal and well, he didn't email me back. I understand why-because I lied to him when we were together. He also has a good set of morals and probably doesn't want to interfere with my marriage. I totally understand. How do you go through life acting one way and thinking another? Any advice would be great. PS I'm not going to leave my husband or have an affair, although it is very tempting Link to post Share on other sites
Sal Paradise Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Sounds like to me the problem isn't him its you. You married a guy while you were in love with someone else. That isn't his fault, its yours. There is no way you could be a good loving wife to a man while loving another. Even if you (as you said) "buried those feelings". How can he be passionate for you when you're not passionate for him? Thats not to say he would be a better husband if you weren't in love with someone else. But considering you went into this relationship based on a lie I think its a bit harsh to place the blame on him when its you who entered this marriage while loving someone else. The very fact you emailed him while feeling this way is a way for you to feel him out. If he was willing to initiate something with you I think we both know what the end result of that would be. Leave your husband, he deserves a wife that loves him and not someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
maxmarkeeteer Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Sometimes people make the wrong decision at the wrong time. I am in the same predicament as the thread starter.I have been with my gf and current wife for more than 9 years. I married her because i always believed love is abt commitment not about feelings.Since i promised to love and cherish and nurture her..i married her and cared for her. Deep inside, my heart went out for my ex . I have been thinking to get a divorce but it doesnt seem right.I cant abandon my wife just because of my feelings. Love is a commitment. sigh...no one said it will be easy... Link to post Share on other sites
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