Breaking up after two years...

[Lostgurl]

Hello everyone! Smile, someone out there that you don't even know exists, loves you.

Has anyone ever noticed that most of the people that post here have broken up around the average of around 2 years, give or take a few months?

I wonder why that is? Is it some sort of average breaking point as to when the relationship should be taken to the next level, or is this the average time when one's expectations of taking the relationship to the next level come into play?

Just curious as to what some of your opinions or experiences are is all

[Maddy7777]

I always though that it was the three month mark that made or break a relationship at first.

 

I think that it depends on the relationships and the persons in said relationship. Each one will move one differently and at their own pace.

[CrushedOrgans]

i've always done the breaking up, and the first one was 8 months, then 7 years, and then 15 months or something.

 

so it doesn't hold true for me.

 

it may seem like that here because , at least for me, if i were posting, and i was breaking up with someone after 1 year and 7 months, i might say "almost 2 years" or "just about 2 years." same it were 2 years and 3 months.

 

it's a round-about kind of thing.

 

or maybe it takes a lot of people a year to realize it's not working, and another year to complete that pesky break-up process.

[Nietzsche's Superman]

I wanted to share my experiences of the two year thing. This a bit tangential/off-topic. Does this sound like just a case of the ‘two-year’ itch?

 

I’ve just graduated from Cambridge University. My academic career was… chequered. But the most wonderful thing happened at the start of my second year… A close friend of mine suddenly grew closer, for a fortnight we were inseparable, apart from lectures and classes, we were always together. Often we would sit up into the night talking. One night, about four weeks into the michalmas (first) term of our second year, we sat talking in my room. I leant over… and kissed her. Until then, she had thought I was disinterested, or gay. She stayed the night. She stayed every night from then on. In our third year we decided to share a college flat. Our names were synonymous in college. We planned a future, six months before graduation she started dropping hints I should propose. I felt so warn and happy, knowing that I loved her and that she loved me. We graduated. I planned to take a year out, then come back to Cambridge to take a teaching qualification. She, being a medic, would return to college to begin her clinical qualification. It was going to be hard, but I love her. Even if I could only hold her, and be held, every fortnight that would be enough… The almost spiritual joy, the complete contentment of those moments could sustain us. Or so I imagined.

 

A few days ago she phoned to say that she ‘ just doesn’t love me anymore’. I pleaded, begged. She was so cold. I lost it. I should have kept calm, but I can’t. I hardly sleep, I haven’t eaten since she phoned. I quit my job today. How can you just ‘decide’ you don’t love someone? Is this normal, is this an example of the ‘two year itch’. I’ve noticed from the forums that a lot of seemingly happy relationships just end like this, one partner just… decides the don’t love the other.

 

I pray every day that she’ll call me. She won’t. I read Nietzsche and the Stoics now to try and calm my self. They cannot seem to help.

[Maddy7777]

...A few days ago she phoned to say that she ‘ just doesn’t love me anymore’. I pleaded' date=' begged. She was so cold. I lost it. I should have kept calm, but I can’t. I hardly sleep, I haven’t eaten since she phoned. I quit my job today. How can you just ‘decide’ you don’t love someone? Is this normal, is this an example of the ‘two year itch’. I’ve noticed from the forums that a lot of seemingly happy relationships just end like this, one partner just… decides the don’t love the other...[/quote']

 

I had the same thing. It was roughly 2 years, more like 2 years and 2 months. One night he told me how things weren't going anywhere, and how he didn't love me anymore... and he hadn't for 5-6 months before that. He was just the same, he was so cold and he didn't seem to care that I was crying my heart out. I had that period of no sleep and no eating (thankfully I have found some strenght and have stopped that)

 

I don't know about others, but I can say that that is exactly how my relationship was ended for me. I thought we were happy, but apparently he wasn't, he was faking it and didn't love me anymore....

 

So you're not alone

[Guest]

Hey Nietzche

 

Just read your post and it's very similar to the situation that I was in six months ago (substitute Oxford for Cambridge, and add a few years onto the ages of yourself and your ex). If you can be bothered you could search for some of my posts from around that time.

 

I guess that you guys lived together and then moved apart after finals? I came to the conclusion that such a fundamental change in the dynamic of the relationship is what screwed things up in my situation.

 

Anyway if you want to chat any time then I'd be happy to listen.

[bchlvr]

Nietzsche et al......

 

Have you read the book, He's Scared, She's Scared by Steven Carter and Julia Sokol

 

It's excellent and gives some insight into the individuals you described, those whose fear of intimacy causes them to cut and run. They also talk about why we may be attracted to those types.

 

They also wrote: Help! I'm in love with a narcissist. Kind of a cheesy title but the book is excellent. It's about what it's like to be in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, the traits and behaviors that make being in relationship with them so difficult.

 

I feel for you having experienced a similiar situation...the person with who claimed I was "the one" and with whom she couldn't be happier, suddenly severed the relationship.

[Divine]

Same exact thing happen to me, even though i convice myself that my situation is the worst in the world, totally happy and totally in love and then my boyfriend deceided he wasnt the relationship type. Yikes!!!!!

 

oh by the way, we were 2getr for almost 3years, can u imagine how my world turned upside down.