I'm going nuts!! Friend or more????????

[ColdDuck]

Here is my story.

 

It's a long story so I'll try and keep it short. I'm not going to retell the entire history so I'll just give the highlights because it spans 15 years.

 

My best friend had identical twin sisters. I liked both but I liked one a little bit more than the other because we always talked alot more and realy clicked. Everyone always though we would become a couple someday. Through some misunderstandings and quick decisions I ended up going out with the other twin sister. Bear in mind that we were all in our teens back then.

 

We'll I ended up marrying the sister after 8 years of beeing a couple. Understand that I realy loved and cared for her. After two years of marriage she divorced me for another guy but I still helped her after what she had done and we are still friends.

 

Now this is where things go wirly birly. During my divorce and during my difficult times her twin sister realy helped me cope because she had also just went through a messy relationship. We helped each other with support. Just friends like always. Nothing sexual or such between us.

 

We became very close the year that followed and we became best friends. That is when my old feelings I had for her returned with an intensity I had never experienced before. Now before you say I just developed feelings for her because she looks like my ex is totaly wrong. They look totaly different for me now because I know them almost 16 years and they have completely different personalities. I have no such feelings for my ex and would never take her back. I fell in love and didn't know what to do. You could think what everyone would say. Ex-husband takes ex-wife's twin sister. It sounds kinda bad?

 

After some time I managed to tell her how I felt about her. She reacted positively and told me she once had feelings for me too and was very jealous when I asked out her twin sister. She was very upset about it then.

 

The problem now is she has a boyfriend. An abbusive and alchoholic type thats more drunk than sober and cheats on her but she still loves him and can't get him out of her head. He is a master at mindgames if you ask me. A real player, even his friends told her that but still she loves him.

 

She doesn't have romatic feelings toward me but she say she wish it would happen. She gives me cards and says stuff like I can't love you "right now" and "don't ever give up" and she tells me I should let her suffer so that she can clear her head and don't pick the fruits while they are still green. All such suble hints. I tried to go away once because I couldn't take it anymore because I have such strong feelings and she begged me to come back because I am the light in her life. She even told me that if I had asked her out in the beginning we would have been happily married today.

 

The problems she face is this: She is in love with someone abbusive and can't get him out of her head. Part of the romance problem between us is the long time I have been together with her sister and the problem of getting past that memory in her head. She tells me all the time that she realy wishes things can work out for us. She even cries about it and says stuff like she wishes she could fall on her head or something to get that memory out of her head.

 

Before you say what would her parents and family say. Well I have talked to them all and they all understand and support my cause. They realy want things to worked out for us. Even my ex-wife, her twin sister have excepted the idea although she is a bit jealous, but hey she left me.

 

All this must sound very confusing but if I had to explain everything in detail then I have to write a book. So what I like to know is, What must I do? I can't go on like this forever, it's driving me nuts. It's been going on like this for a year now. Do I leave? Do I stay? I realy love her. Should I just wait and wait?

 

What should I do? I don't know anymore.

[norajane]

Staying around makes it easier for her to stay with her abusive husband. I'd tell her that you love her, and it hurts you to see her abused and you can't stand that anymore. Tell her if she needs help to get away from him, she has your support, but until she leaves her husband, you can't be part of an emotional affair because it's painful for you to be near her. Tell her if she won't leave him, then you have to leave her.

 

She has to make this decision for herself, and she has to end that relationship before she can make room in her heart for you. If you continue to stick around, you are making the situation bearable, because she know she has you to turn to when things get rough at home. Back off and let her do what she needs to do.

[Yamaha]

Staying around makes it easier for her to stay with her abusive husband. I'd tell her that you love her, and it hurts you to see her abused and you can't stand that anymore. Tell her if she needs help to get away from him, she has your support, but until she leaves her husband, you can't be part of an emotional affair because it's painful for you to be near her. Tell her if she won't leave him, then you have to leave her.

 

She has to make this decision for herself, and she has to end that relationship before she can make room in her heart for you. If you continue to stick around, you are making the situation bearable, because she know she has you to turn to when things get rough at home. Back off and let her do what she needs to do.

 

Great advice, Norajane!!!

[JCD]

I agree, it's the right decision but also most painful because you're giving up on an affair and thus being close to her. But, you want a real relationship and not an 18 year affair with no resolution, imo. So you must go on with your life and let her decide. You do want strong decisive woman right? I think you do.