MATT Posted January 29, 2002 Share Posted January 29, 2002 Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago because she cheated on me. I recently started seeing a wonderful girl but then my ex comes over and does the whole "I still love you" thing. I really want things to be over with my ex and I want to try to get things going with the new girl in my life but my ex does this every couple of weeks and I hurt for days afterward. Can you guys please help me to decide what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted January 29, 2002 Share Posted January 29, 2002 tell her to take a hike, then change your phone number, your e-mail address, just make yourself inaccessible. Once she gets the picture that you're not her plaything, she'll move on. We hope. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted January 29, 2002 Share Posted January 29, 2002 The answer might be simpler than you realize. Stop letting your "ex come over." If you don't see her/don't let her come over, then she has no opportunity to suck up and tell you that she loves you (she doesn't know what love is. Love is not cheating on your partner, it's anything BUT). Once a cheater, pretty much always a cheater. She probably thought the "grass was greener on the other side" but woke up to realize it was only Astroturf. Too bad, so sad for her. You need to put your foot down, as hard as that may be. Explain to her that she had her chance with you, she blew it, she betrayed you and cheated. She hurt you but you've MOVED ON and there's no going back. Ask her to leave you alone, it's the least respect she can show you now. Don't let her come over, don't take calls from her, don't return emails from her (if she mails you). Make your position clear and then ignore her totally.....and have fun pursuing your relationship with the new girl. L Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted January 29, 2002 Share Posted January 29, 2002 Don't answer the door when she comes over. Don't let her in if you answer accidentally. And call the police if she won't leave immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted February 2, 2002 Share Posted February 2, 2002 Okay Matt, let's cut through the crap... You're certainly not the helpless victim here without a mind of your own, and the "ex" isn't Glen Close. More than likely you're uncomfortable being alone. Especially now since your pride has been wounded by the cheating "ex". Having another lady around helps you to somehow validate your own self worth...makes you feel wanted, desired. And now that there are *two* (including the ex who's learned her lesson and now wants to come back) your ego has been restored and you're wallowing in the overdose of attention. Yes, you have been vindicated...but now what? If you really wanted the "ex" out of the picture, you wouldn't be so wishy-washy about the whole thing and would have already told her so in no uncertain terms. But you're still angry, and want to punish her some more. Let's admit it, you enjoy seeing her grovel. Who wouldn't? And as far as the new girl goes, although you're curious, you're not really sure it will lead to anything and having a *fall-back girl* on the side guaranties that you will not be left stranded all alone, no matter what decision you finally make. And *being alone* is actually what you fear the most. Take some time out to get your head together. Figure out what exactly it is that Matt wants, and why you claim to be so "hurt" every time the ex pops in. You say you really want things to be over with the ex. So what's standing in your way other than your stubborn pride???? Me and my ex broke up about 3 months ago because she cheated on me. I recently started seeing a wonderful girl but then my ex comes over and does the whole "I still love you" thing. I really want things to be over with my ex and I want to try to get things going with the new girl in my life but my ex does this every couple of weeks and I hurt for days afterward. Can you guys please help me to decide what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Seems like your giving her some sort of space to believe there is another chance for her. I dont know the conversations you have had with her but you have to tell her that she has lost any second chances. Be blunt. Dont talk about how she made you mad or how she did this, and did that. Dont give her anymore room to talk. Be blunt, say its over and tell her if she cant accept that she needs counceling. If she doesnt give in, make her mad. Tell her shes a psycho bit**. Say you are in love with someone elese. But give her all she needs to hear. About 1 second is all you need to say something for her to leave you alone. Okay Matt, let's cut through the crap... You're certainly not the helpless victim here without a mind of your own, and the "ex" isn't Glen Close. More than likely you're uncomfortable being alone. Especially now since your pride has been wounded by the cheating "ex". Having another lady around helps you to somehow validate your own self worth...makes you feel wanted, desired. And now that there are *two* (including the ex who's learned her lesson and now wants to come back) your ego has been restored and you're wallowing in the overdose of attention. Yes, you have been vindicated...but now what? If you really wanted the "ex" out of the picture, you wouldn't be so wishy-washy about the whole thing and would have already told her so in no uncertain terms. But you're still angry, and want to punish her some more. Let's admit it, you enjoy seeing her grovel. Who wouldn't? And as far as the new girl goes, although you're curious, you're not really sure it will lead to anything and having a *fall-back girl* on the side guaranties that you will not be left stranded all alone, no matter what decision you finally make. And *being alone* is actually what you fear the most. Take some time out to get your head together. Figure out what exactly it is that Matt wants, and why you claim to be so "hurt" every time the ex pops in. You say you really want things to be over with the ex. So what's standing in your way other than your stubborn pride???? Link to post Share on other sites
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