Bs And Ow's

[Sami_D]

Then please Sami tell us how your MM is so freakin different!

 

Besides the obvious of being cheater and committing adultery.

 

Well obviously, as a MM he cannot be 'different' in respect of cheating and commiting adultery. So what is the point of that question?

 

In fact, what is the point of coming on an OM/OW forum and demanding of anyone 'how is your MM so freaking different!?'

[Walking away]

Sami,

 

What happened to standing up for what you want and NOT settling for less than you deserve?

 

Where did that woman go?

[Sami_D]

And a cake eater is a cake eater is a cake eater. He should respect you enough to not allow either of you to settle into this relationship again. He cannot be there for you all the time. That is not fair to YOU.

 

You deserve better Sami.

 

And if you think I'm going to settle for anything that isn't Good now.. then you have underestimated me. I will, and I am, making the point to him that I need it to be enough now. I will not live for the future. I need it to be good enough... right now.

 

If that is not possible, then it will not be enough. And this affair will not continue. Do you really think that someone who has done 4 months of NC would just settle? Have you managed as much?

[RealityCheck]

Well obviously, as a MM he cannot be 'different' in respect of cheating and commiting adultery. So what is the point of that question?

 

In fact, what is the point of coming on an OM/OW forum and demanding of anyone 'how is your MM so freaking different!?'

 

Simple text....

 

Because you are trying with all your heart and soul to justify that your is!!! When the point is, your the man you are with is married which makes him no different than any other MM who is having an Affair!

 

The situations are different, people are different, it does not change

WHAT IT IS! AN AFFAIR!

[Walking away]

And if you think I'm going to settle for anything that isn't Good now.. then you have underestimated me. I will, and I am, making the point to him that I need it to be enough now. I will not live for the future. I need it to be good enough... right now.

 

If that is not possible, then it will not be enough. And this affair will not continue. Do you really think that someone who has done 4 months of NC would just settle? Have you managed as much?

 

 

Apparently you have.

 

And watch me. I will not settle now or ever. I may have failed in the NC battle in the past, but I am gonna win the war.

 

I won't ever settle.

[Sami_D]

I love him and he loves me. He knows that deserve more than he is willing to give me right now and I agree with him.

 

We are no longer speaking, e-mailing, nada.

 

He loves me enough to let me go and be happy with another. His character is such that he, too, would never go down the path of infidelity again.

 

He said, that if we are to be together, it will be the RIGHT way.

 

And, in my opinion, that is the ONLY way.

 

WA, I do believe you are on the LH forum.

 

Have you read my updates?

 

Then you would not be writing this.

 

And if you think you would be... then respond to my posts there. I no longer update my story here on LS because this is not a great place for OW and I flat out refuse to put my life out there for people to trash.

[Sami_D]

Yeah, well where is he putting your feelings in this so called blissful Affair!

 

HE'S STILL MARRIED!!

 

We have all agreed every situation is different! FACT!

 

BUT AN AFFAIR IS THE SAME THING.... A F F A I R

 

 

I respond to you with the same response I gave WA... if you want to know my updates, then you can see them on LH. If you already have and choose to bash me here rather than respond to my posts there, then ... I don't really know what you're getting out of it, but I can guess.

[UnknowingOW]

Sami,

 

Everyone just trying to keep your eyes open instead of living on the high you are on right now. Can you not see that he is your drug? Can you not see how your attitude has changed since the "call?"

 

I've been on LS and "our" board for 3-months now. This isn't the stronbg woman that has helped me so many times when I am feeling down.

 

Sami, you know better then to let him get back into your head and heart.

 

I feel like your slipping out of NC is my fault because of the question I asked you on the other board...I am sorry I asked.

 

Don't do this to yourself...please. You are far to great of a person to allow this to come back into your life.

 

Get your head back girl...we are coming down on you, we are all trying to make you see what is happening to you.

[Walking away]

Sami

 

I want the BEST for you. This isn't it. No matter how you cut it. You were someone that struggling OW looked up to.

 

Do you have a clear conscience about going back into the emotional coaster ride?

[Sami_D]

Sami,

 

What happened to standing up for what you want and NOT settling for less than you deserve?

 

Where did that woman go?

 

This is one post that I relate to.

 

I am determined not to settle. I am absolutely resolutely NOT going to give in and become any less than I am... and never settle for less than I want and need.

 

DO NOT give up on me.

 

I appreciate that some/many of the words here will be as a response to my having been something of a vanguard for 'freedom for OW'...

 

... is it true?

 

But, we are all women.

 

And I am trying another tack.

 

I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just trying. I have not caved. But... love is love.

 

And yes, I am well aware of ALL my faults. And yes, I do idolise him. But please bear with me! I don't know everything. I don't know anything. I'm just a person. And I'm trying my best.

[Walking away]

Sami

 

We don't want you to get hurt. That is all.

 

Love is love. I understand. But fight for YOURSELF and don't settle for less than you deserve.

 

We are here. We listen to you when we are struggling. Listen to us.

 

We don't want you to get hurt again.

 

WA

[RealityCheck]

I respond to you with the same response I gave WA... if you want to know my updates, then you can see them on LH. If you already have and choose to bash me here rather than respond to my posts there, then ... I don't really know what you're getting out of it, but I can guess.

 

I did not seek you out Sami, you came on this Thread with an opinion that I did not agree with!

 

So now that you are being challenged in your thoughts you feel as though you are being picked on!

 

You certainly have placed your views many, many times on other Threads, but the moment someone does not agree you turn it all around to look as though you are under attack.

 

What you have posted to WA was clearly a personal attack when as I recall her first response to you read "I love you".

 

Now, if you need support we are all here for you, but we will not stand in agreement that an Affair is healthy for you or anyone whatsoever!

 

That's what friends are for!

[Sami_D]

Simple text....

 

Because you are trying with all your heart and soul to justify that your is!!! When the point is, your the man you are with is married which makes him no different than any other MM who is having an Affair!

 

The situations are different, people are different, it does not change

WHAT IT IS! AN AFFAIR!

 

Hmm.... well, first of all, I'd deny that I've tried, anywhere this thread... or indeed, anywhere at all, to say that my MM was different than every other MM. I have stated what has occurred between us. I don't think that I've ever said 'so he's different from anyone'... I think that is in the minds of the reader.

 

And secondly... of course, in the respect of the fact that he's having an affair, he is no different to anyone else who is having an affair. In the same way as any parent is no different from another parent in the fact that they have a child. So what?

[Sami_D]

Apparently you have.

 

And watch me. I will not settle now or ever. I may have failed in the NC battle in the past, but I am gonna win the war.

 

I won't ever settle.

 

Well when your actions match your words, I will listen to your criticism of me.

[Walking away]

No criticism....just the truth.

 

And my actions match my words. I may have stumbled and fell in the past, but my heart and intent were always the same. Emotional healing for myself.

 

Do yours? Do your actions match YOUR words? Read back from a few months, even weeks ago.

[lovernotafighter]

My Dearest Ladies How I love each of you so much...

 

I see every angle on this one because I kept on my roller coaster of MM life.

 

WA and RC I know why Sami is doing this,because love is such a powerful thing..you guys know that so does she, but I think sami is thinking like I have been on my highs yanno?

 

like instead of seeing a cake eater, I see my best friend in a distressful situation (it's easier for me of coarse cause I am still in same boat). I light up his life and he does me the same way.

 

he is his own person and a human being..not property..he must comes to terms on his own,in his time. if he did it any other way it would never feel the same.

 

she wants to be his friend and it's very hard to do that unconditionally but that is what it takes to be a true friend..very hard to swallow that and take the small glimpse of happiness when fleeting, we still take it.

 

Sami, the girls love you, you know that..they just don't want to see you hurting again...so now on the other hand I look at my lows and I wanted out..because I to have needs that are not being met..and in a affair they never will be totally.

 

I ended up on anti depressants and my health was and is failing ,my life is a wreck just like anyone else who is living a double life..anyone who who loves me and knew what was going on would want to shake me to the core to get me to stop..just remember that okay..we all love you allot and know how strong you are,you have done tremendously and we are proud of you..just scared for you..

 

much love sami

 

~LNF

[Walking away]

Sami,

 

You would not coddle me if I chose the same path as you. You are all about "tough love." We are just applying the same concepts to you.

 

We care about you, even though you refuse to see it.

 

No matter what path your life takes, we are here. You KNOW that. But, you would be the same way with us if we chose a possibly incredibly painful path in our lives.....right?

 

I know you are angry at me. But, I care about you. I want what is BEST for you. We all do.

 

WA

[Sami_D]

were someone that struggling OW looked up to.

 

 

Hmm.. well, that puts a whole lot of pressure on me, then, eh..?

 

You have to fight your own fights. I'll try to help anyone I see who is floundering or in need of some input, but ... I am just me... I don't live my life to be 'an inspiration'... my life is mine, to live as I choose. Good, bad, or ugly... it is mine, and me and my life is my focus!

 

I can see that I'm getting a lot of flak because I did follow through with hardline NC... some of you want to follow that, and I have written (AT LENGTH!) on LH, about how I feel that NC is a really good, positive, course for OW... have you not seen that..???

 

And yet now, because I'm trying something else, I'm being attacked..? Why?... because it didn't work out the way OldEurope predicted? Because I have decided on something else..? Because I can't be what you need me to be..?

 

And I can imagine that some of you would like to shoot me down because I know I can come across as an arrogant whatever or other and you see me change my approach and it's a good stick to beat me with?

 

Well, I'm just me. And I'm just doing what I can. As I say... I'm not living my life in order to show others 'the way'... I'm just doing my stuff. And I AM just as lost as anyone. We're all lost... we're all trying to find a way.

 

Don't make me a hero just to shoot me down... if that is what you're dong.. .then that's your problem... not mine.

[Walking away]

I am not making you a hero. I am not a child who has to have a hero to look up to. I am a strong woman in my own right. You are human, just like the rest of us. I am just trying to make you see that you are falling into the same situation again.

 

Enough said. I will be there for you when you need to pick up the pieces. I hope that won't happen, but I will be there for you.

[Sami_D]

Sami

 

We don't want you to get hurt. That is all.

 

Love is love. I understand. But fight for YOURSELF and don't settle for less than you deserve.

 

We are here. We listen to you when we are struggling. Listen to us.

 

We don't want you to get hurt again.

 

WA

 

 

I am trying not to!

 

BELIEVE ME! I am absolutely not going to settle... but I do love him. Have I ever said, once, in all my postings, that I don't believe in him, love him, know that he is the one..? No!

 

But I have said... I am weak! (I remember posting it!), I have said... I will do it.. and I have stuck to NC... and so has HE! And I will not have him dissed here as 'WHATEVER IN CAPITALS'... because.. we're just two human beings, trying our best.

 

I am not a fool... hmm... well, I don't think I am a fool. But, actually... this is one of the places I have come to to discuss affairs... and you would think that everyone who was in this situation had no brains at all. I DO have a brain. I CAN rationalise. I have a fking PhD for x sake. I am no idiot. BUT everything here is reduced to a few simple cliches and we are expected to believe that is the be all and end all..?

 

OK. In YOUR life maybe. As far as I am concerned... yes, I may be WELL misguided... but.. it's my life, my mess ups, and there you go.

[Walking away]

I will leave you alone.

 

I hope it all works out for you. I really do.

 

WA

[Sami_D]

No criticism....just the truth.

 

And my actions match my words. I may have stumbled and fell in the past, but my heart and intent were always the same. Emotional healing for myself.

 

Do yours? Do your actions match YOUR words? Read back from a few months, even weeks ago.

 

 

Well, if you would like to quote them back to me, with dates, and so on, I'll have a go at trying to be the first human ever who was totally inconsistent. But actually yes, I'll take you up on your challenge. Find me something I said that doesn't agree with my present view, and I'll be interested.

 

I don't want to think that I'm changing everything I believe. Really. Do it. Because I am SO determined not to settle. I know no one believes me!

[Walking away]

Well, if you would like to quote them back to me, with dates, and so on, I'll have a go at trying to be the first human ever who was totally inconsistent. But actually yes, I'll take you up on your challenge. Find me something I said that doesn't agree with my present view, and I'll be interested.

 

I don't want to think that I'm changing everything I believe. Really. Do it. Because I am SO determined not to settle. I know no one believes me!

 

 

I don't have the energy.

 

Sorry.

[Sami_D]

My Dearest Ladies How I love each of you so much...

 

I see every angle on this one because I kept on my roller coaster of MM life.

 

WA and RC I know why Sami is doing this,because love is such a powerful thing..you guys know that so does she, but I think sami is thinking like I have been on my highs yanno?

 

like instead of seeing a cake eater, I see my best friend in a distressful situation (it's easier for me of coarse cause I am still in same boat). I light up his life and he does me the same way.

 

he is his own person and a human being..not property..he must comes to terms on his own,in his time. if he did it any other way it would never feel the same.

 

she wants to be his friend and it's very hard to do that unconditionally but that is what it takes to be a true friend..very hard to swallow that and take the small glimpse of happiness when fleeting, we still take it.

 

Sami, the girls love you, you know that..they just don't want to see you hurting again...so now on the other hand I look at my lows and I wanted out..because I to have needs that are not being met..and in a affair they never will be totally.

 

I ended up on anti depressants and my health was and is failing ,my life is a wreck just like anyone else who is living a double life..anyone who who loves me and knew what was going on would want to shake me to the core to get me to stop..just remember that okay..we all love you allot and know how strong you are,you have done tremendously and we are proud of you..just scared for you..

 

much love sami

 

~LNF

 

LNF... I so don't agree with so much you have put here.

 

Your MM is one of the ones that i've been criticised here on this thread for 'dissing'... and you know ... you have looked into this and you KNOW that he is everything you said he was... I know you love him. I have been there too, loving an N (in my case)... but you also know that nothing good will come of it, long-term... don't you..?

 

And of course you want to help him! He is your best friend, and you love to spend time together.. but...? What of the future..?

 

And... LNF... thanks

[Sami_D]

Sami,

 

You would not coddle me if I chose the same path as you. You are all about "tough love." We are just applying the same concepts to you.

 

We care about you, even though you refuse to see it.

 

No matter what path your life takes, we are here. You KNOW that. But, you would be the same way with us if we chose a possibly incredibly painful path in our lives.....right?

 

I know you are angry at me. But, I care about you. I want what is BEST for you. We all do.

 

WA

 

Hmm... well, no. I'm not about 'tough love'. I've never preached it, never advocated it, and in all my time here, I've always been on the side of understanding a situation, gaining trust, and really focusing on the possible, rather than the ideal. No idea where you got the 'Sami is tough love' from... look back a year of postings and see if that makes sense lol. I've been the one who is always criticised for being too soft, gaining trust, looking at all sides.

 

I do not 'refuse to see' that people have my best interests at heart. Perhaps that is your perception. I hope that most people who come to this forum have the best interest of others at heart. Of course some won't. But, I don't count most OW or former OW amongst the greatest offenders in that respect!!

 

And... I am not angry at anyone here. We're all here for a reason. And I'm pretty sure that the majority of us are here through hurt or misunderstanding or naivety or something that leaves us wondering... some of us thrash out at others, some of us try to understand, some of us try to help. All of us are only seeing life through our own eyes and grasping towards the light.