Worried now I'm gonna go through the "4 years of being a jerK" phase

[Guest]

Hi all

 

Well, my partner of 6 years and I have seperated. It's official.

 

The feelings are absolutely overwhelming and surreal. One minute I'm fine, the next in shock. Then I'm sobbing. Then I'm calm. Sometimes I feel relieved that we've decided to end things and find that I'm actually looking forward to being free. Then I feel absolute terror, that I'll be all alone forever.

 

Reading other people's posts helps. I feel for anyone who is in pain, I really do. But at least it helps to know I'm not alone.

 

One thing does worry me. All my friends who have been through divorce (or seperation after a long-term relationship) all seemed to go through 'jerk' periods.

 

I mean, they were still nice people at heart. But once they re-entered the dating arena, they acted very shallow for a while. I guess it's a protetective mechanism.

 

One friend, I'll call him K, is the nicest guy around. But he acted like a real ******* to a couple of women who were perfectly decent during his initial post-divorce period. Another friend of mine, J, did the same thing. A female friend of mine went through a string of guys after her seperation, pulling them through all kinds of drama and basically torturing these guys.

 

I call it the 'four years of being a jerk' phenomenon, because in each case each one of them acted like this for about four years! Then they seemed to all get it out of their systems and meet nice people and establish nice relationships.

 

So I hope I don't fall into that. I would like to date after a year or so. I like seeing people and I sure wouldn't want to spend all my weekends alone. But I guess I'd have to watch myself so I don't fall into jerktitude.

 

I guess when your heart has been stomped on, it is tempting to stomp on another's.

 

I guess when you're swamped with confusion and still entertaining the thought that possibly, possibly you may get back with your significant other, you keep other people at an arm's length.

 

But I sure don't want to wait years to date again.....

 

Oh well. Anyone else have worries like this?

 

Thanks for listening.