I think we should start IM'ing other people

[fraidycat]

Okay, I shall forewarn you, this is one hell of a story. Here's the situation...

 

I have developed strong feelings for someone I've known 6 years from the internet. (No, I can't get a date by any other means the cliche is totally true) He's 27 and has a daughter and coming from an extremely messy divorce. I'm 21. We have a lot of things in common not just hobbies and likes/dislikes. We come from similiar family structures and have strugged with similiar demons and/or situations. When It came up that I would be moving to his area in a few months for career reasons we began talking on the phone a lot and opening up about things emotionally. He admits he holds back his feelings for me on the chance that something happens and I don't move there. He says that he's cynical and that just because things begin looking up doesn't mean the cards can't come crumbling down surprisingly fast. He still at times ends up being very affectionate and he often makes excuses to call me for no reason. That's his side of the story

 

My side..I have strong feelings for him based on what I've gotten to know of his personality and who he is. Is he full of crap? There's a chance, sure. I know this. I have my heart set on him. I do. That's my side of the story.

 

So, Here's what happened..he mentions he has a date..oops I wish I hadn't said that he says. I get hurt. I tell him I'm not mad at him I'm just hurt I think that's a natural reaction to what happens when you have feelings for someone and hear they are going to go sleep with someone else. Let me make it clear he made it clear that was the purpose of the date. Was to get sex. Why did he tell me that? Do you know how bad that hurt? Further more..he made comments like "What if I've forgotten how to do stuff at the right time..I don't mean like perform but" Okay I'm ready to puke just hearing this. He tells me I don't want you to get over me because I want to be with you when there's an opportunity for us to actually be an "us", I just want you to be cool with things like a friend. Okay buddy slow down. He always pulling this honey,baby,sweetheart, you're so cute, so adorable, kissy kissy puff puff lovey dovey crap and now I have to hear this crap. What's going on in this man's head? Seriously. I don't know what to do I'm quite hurt.

[bluechocolate]

Have you even met this guy?

[EnigmaXOXO]

That's the problem when you start confusing these pretend online romances with the "real thing."

 

You have no idea who's on the other side of that monitor or phone line. People can pretend to be whatever and whoever they wish they were and sell the illusion to whoever is gullible or lonely enough to buy into it.

 

Having an anonymous stranger cater to his ego probably did LOTS to bolster his weaning confidence after his divorce. Just think about it --- He got to polish up his game and practice his lines with a virtual stranger who was removed far enough from his real world to feel "safe."

 

Now that you're actually proposing moving closer to him with the anticipation of turning this online fantasy into the real thing … he's probably panicking! Of course he's going to start showing his ayas (small glimpses of the real person behind the image) in hopes it scares you enough to maintain that safe buffer zone between you that he's become comfortable with.

 

And you know … I wouldn't be surprised at all if you later discovered he wasn't actually divorced yet. This could very well be a part of that grand illusion, too!

 

Because I met my current partner on a forum, I can't say that meeting people who you've corresponded with online is a bad relationship move in all cases … but it DOES come with risks. You have to be so cautious about not having expectations; believing at face value everything you've been told; or getting all caught up in some smooth-talking romance novel until you've had ample time to really get to know the other person in real life. And for crap sakes, you don't go making permanent life-altering plans to relocate to a strange area just so you can be closer to someone who you've never even met!

 

It's not just you, Fraidycat. I've noticed that more young women seem to take these online romances so much more seriously than men do. Perhaps because we're not the ones jerking off in front of our monitors prowling for gullible victims to feed our sexual fantasies. There are even horror stories on this very forum about women who have been schmoozed by internet pervs into doing things they wouldn't normally do … like taking naked cam shots that are now stored on some stranger's hard drive being passed around to God-knows-who! Hopefully, you haven't been compromised in that way by this guy, yet.

 

Please, make sure you play it careful and smart when it comes to this internet romance stuff. For your own good, you must learn how to think slowly with your head instead of impulsively with your heart. It'll save you a helluva lot of regret and grief in the long run!