yes Posted February 1, 2002 Share Posted February 1, 2002 Hmm... i think i have some self-esteem issues. i have a HARD time accepting rejection; i worry a lot about my worth - comparing myself to others all the time, being down if someone my age seems much more successful than me; my mood can improve from a simple compliment - so i sort of depend on others to know i'm smart/cute/whatever else ... If not to see a therapist, what else can i do to help myself with this? I have tried convincing myself that i am this n that n etc, but deep down im not really sure of myself and constantly afraid to fail... even in little things... I cant seem to just accept how i am, relax, and enjoy whatever i do ... i worry worry worry... im sick of myself for worrying but it's a cycle... ANy advice, please? ... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
bunny Posted February 1, 2002 Share Posted February 1, 2002 there are several good books on this subject at your local library and book stores. off the top of my head i cant think of any but i know there are several out there. Hmm... i think i have some self-esteem issues. i have a HARD time accepting rejection; i worry a lot about my worth - comparing myself to others all the time, being down if someone my age seems much more successful than me; my mood can improve from a simple compliment - so i sort of depend on others to know i'm smart/cute/whatever else ... If not to see a therapist, what else can i do to help myself with this? I have tried convincing myself that i am this n that n etc, but deep down im not really sure of myself and constantly afraid to fail... even in little things... I cant seem to just accept how i am, relax, and enjoy whatever i do ... i worry worry worry... im sick of myself for worrying but it's a cycle... ANy advice, please? ... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted February 1, 2002 Author Share Posted February 1, 2002 i've looked at some - they describe what low self-esteem is and that it comes from certain childhood experiences, etc. but don't really give any suggestions about how to handle it. ISn't there anything but seeing a councelor? there are several good books on this subject at your local library and book stores. off the top of my head i cant think of any but i know there are several out there. Link to post Share on other sites
bunny Posted February 1, 2002 Share Posted February 1, 2002 don't know that this will help either but i'm reading a book called "the power of your subconscious mind" by joseph murphy. it does not deal directly with self esteem but it sure does make you feel good and motivate you as well. i hope some one else comes along and gives you some more advise, warm wishes. i've looked at some - they describe what low self-esteem is and that it comes from certain childhood experiences, etc. but don't really give any suggestions about how to handle it. ISn't there anything but seeing a councelor? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 1, 2002 Share Posted February 1, 2002 Rejection is one of man's worst fears. It stems from an irrational need for love and acceptance...often from people we don't even know. Don't feel bad. You're just fine. You don't need the love and acceptance of any particular person. If you did, you would die if you didn't get it. If enough of your friends accept you as you are, you're doing OK. Rejection isn't pleasant but it beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Link to post Share on other sites
boomerang Posted February 1, 2002 Share Posted February 1, 2002 yes, if that's any help, it gets easier with time. part of it is that it becomes a numbers' game. If you've tried 5 times rejected 5 times that's devastating, tried 100 times rejected 95, all you'll remember is the 5 succesful times. Also with age you get to accept yourself (most people do) I'm 32 and each year of my life I've become a happier person. I know what I like, how to make myself happy, I've noticed and corrected some flaws in my character and I'm looking forward to correcting some more b/c I know I can do it, I've seen my friendships grow to something substantial and deep and I know I played a part in that, and most importantly I've found out that as a young woman my life seemed a linear process: there was only one way from A to B. Now I know that there are millions of ways from A to B, some of which are very scenic, and B is not that big of a deal anyways, I can go to C or D or E instead and be equally happy. Does that make any sense? Hope it does! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted February 1, 2002 Author Share Posted February 1, 2002 That does help ! Thanks ... i didnt really consider how it will be in future...... i guess all people around 20 are sensitive on the self-esteem topic... makes sense... I'm very glad your life is going well best of luck! yes, if that's any help, it gets easier with time. part of it is that it becomes a numbers' game. If you've tried 5 times rejected 5 times that's devastating, tried 100 times rejected 95, all you'll remember is the 5 succesful times. Also with age you get to accept yourself (most people do) I'm 32 and each year of my life I've become a happier person. I know what I like, how to make myself happy, I've noticed and corrected some flaws in my character and I'm looking forward to correcting some more b/c I know I can do it, I've seen my friendships grow to something substantial and deep and I know I played a part in that, and most importantly I've found out that as a young woman my life seemed a linear process: there was only one way from A to B. Now I know that there are millions of ways from A to B, some of which are very scenic, and B is not that big of a deal anyways, I can go to C or D or E instead and be equally happy. Does that make any sense? Hope it does! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted February 1, 2002 Author Share Posted February 1, 2002 teehee.... true true about that poke in the eye for me, its not about needing someone's love but about being able to get ANYONE to like me ... idiotically unreasonable, i know... im fighting this stupid perfectionism ... thanks for your reply. Rejection is one of man's worst fears. It stems from an irrational need for love and acceptance...often from people we don't even know. Don't feel bad. You're just fine. You don't need the love and acceptance of any particular person. If you did, you would die if you didn't get it. If enough of your friends accept you as you are, you're doing OK. Rejection isn't pleasant but it beats a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Link to post Share on other sites
witchbreed Posted February 1, 2002 Share Posted February 1, 2002 The problem is, as long as you dont like yourself ... its first of all hard to see and believe that other do like you and secondly it is harder for others to like someone who doesnt like him/herself. If you dont like counsellors, what about a support group? Or just do things you truly like, be it sports, arts, going dancing whatever ... doing things you really like, specially in a group with others, will help you to build up your self-esteem, will help you to accept yourself. Another thing could be to write letters to yourself. You could start by telling yourself where you feel that you want to improve, but the most important thing is, to write to yourself about the things you like about yourself. Kind of like writing a love-letter to yourself. I know in the beginning its usually hard to compliment yourself, but in time it will get easier and you will feel easier about yourself. But a counselor is a very good idea. If you dont like talking about yourself there is other forms of therapy, like painting, dancing, acting, martial arts can be a therapy form too .... Sometimes these forms help more, it depends on your own personality. Wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted February 1, 2002 Author Share Posted February 1, 2002 Thanks for your advice! I normally don't feel too bad about myself but what i'm working on is making my self-esteem independent of others' opinion - ... i dont want a compliment to pull me up or a criticism to pull me down... i sort of wanna be more immune to the reactions of others... But doing what I enjoy definitely helps - thanks for that idea. Good luck to ya too! -yes The problem is, as long as you dont like yourself ... its first of all hard to see and believe that other do like you and secondly it is harder for others to like someone who doesnt like him/herself. If you dont like counsellors, what about a support group? Or just do things you truly like, be it sports, arts, going dancing whatever ... doing things you really like, specially in a group with others, will help you to build up your self-esteem, will help you to accept yourself. Another thing could be to write letters to yourself. You could start by telling yourself where you feel that you want to improve, but the most important thing is, to write to yourself about the things you like about yourself. Kind of like writing a love-letter to yourself. I know in the beginning its usually hard to compliment yourself, but in time it will get easier and you will feel easier about yourself. But a counselor is a very good idea. If you dont like talking about yourself there is other forms of therapy, like painting, dancing, acting, martial arts can be a therapy form too .... Sometimes these forms help more, it depends on your own personality. Wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted February 3, 2002 Share Posted February 3, 2002 Take care of yourself & keep your head high. Trust no one & depend on yourself. Dont let anyone get you down. Not even you. If you are unhappy with anything change it best you can. Dont look back at anything but what you cherish and are proud of. Associate yourself with successful people. Keep your mind off drugs, sex, and from going in the gutter. and dont forget education,education,education. Hmm... i think i have some self-esteem issues. i have a HARD time accepting rejection; i worry a lot about my worth - comparing myself to others all the time, being down if someone my age seems much more successful than me; my mood can improve from a simple compliment - so i sort of depend on others to know i'm smart/cute/whatever else ... If not to see a therapist, what else can i do to help myself with this? I have tried convincing myself that i am this n that n etc, but deep down im not really sure of myself and constantly afraid to fail... even in little things... I cant seem to just accept how i am, relax, and enjoy whatever i do ... i worry worry worry... im sick of myself for worrying but it's a cycle... ANy advice, please? ... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
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