Good girl vs Bad girl - the ever present conflict

[Teacher's Pet]

If you're pushed into being a certain way when growing up, you can become resentful of it.

 

FW is so right, DS. :) *lol*

 

When I was growing up, I was a trained classical musician, my family bought me medical books when I was 6, and by 9, Julliard was knocking on my door.

 

Now I'm 35.

 

I'm a phone sales rep (no, not a telemarketer lol), part-time bartender, and a professional filthy-mouthed comedian.

 

I've gotten wasted at frat parties, had one-night stands, one orgy (yes, one thing to tell my grandkids about!), smoked pot, traded in my piano for a bass guitar and my Mozart for Metallica, worked **** jobs on and off for years, got a woman pregnant out of wedlock (and subsequently LOSING that child), got engaged to a Catholic (I'm Jewish) Bisexual woman, and even wrapped my Mustang Convertible around a truck, and barely made it out with my life.....

 

Sometimes, we just don't meet expectations.

 

I was EXPECTED to be "the golden child" to my family, and I resented it.

 

All through GRADE school I was shy, introverted, and nerdy. I wore a 3-piece suit to my 8th grade dance, played Dungeons And Dragons, sang in the choir, and played in the marching band.

 

I still have NO fashion sense today, I don't play D&D anymore (though I'm a huge video game player), but I'm a huge fan of the genre (Lord Of The Rings, etc..), still sing (on occasion, you'll see soon enough lol), and I still think marching bands are neat (even though I used to play in a metal cover band)

 

For me, it took pledging a fraternity (and drinking LOTS of tequila) my freshman year of college to "find myself". What I found was that my "perfect self" is a combination of the "good" me and the "bad" me.

 

We never remain who we are when we are young, yet we never totally abandon it, either.

 

I remember being in the 3rd grade, thinking girls were "icky".... 27 years later, I've learned that some of my favorite body parts can ONLY be found on a woman.

 

In high school, I thought drinking was stupid, then I found out alcohol helps you gain access to those aforementioned "favorite body parts".

 

I used to think smoking pot was bad. Well, I actually still do. Just not my thing.

 

I used to think sex was something a married couple does when they want a baby. Now, it's just "Saturday Night, 11:35pm - 11:42pm" for me. (Yes, at times even the great TP pulls the trigger a bit soon).

 

I used to think knock-knock jokes were the greatest thing on earth. Now I write jokes for a (partial) living, and the only knocking there involves boots (and those aforementioned body parts).

 

When I was 6, my favorite movie was The Wizard Of Oz (can a kid be gay at age 6?), until some cute little movie came out in 1977 called "Star Wars".....and it's 2006, and I'm trying to "get these m*****f*****' snakes off this m*****f*****' plane!" (ha!)

 

So what's my point?

 

You begin life with one set of values, and over time, and through personal experience, they change. It did for me.

 

Except for one thing.

 

I'm still a mess.

 

Hang in there, DS, you'll find yourself, even though we all "find you" pretty damned great as you are.

 

Love ya DS (and FW!!!!)

 

-tp "SB"

 

P.S. Here's a really bad joke from my act that kinda fits the topic......

 

"People always say that as you get older, your tastes change. I have to disagree with that. I like the same things now as a 35 year old man that I did as a 14 year old boy. Namely, 14 year old girls!" haha (Ok, I suck)

[blind_otter]

I'm a perfect example of why doing drugs and wild sex does NOT help you find yourself. It just makes you lose yourself. Don't fall into that trap.