luvstarved Posted September 4, 2006 Share Posted September 4, 2006 I am just curious about other people and not used to a long weekend so sitting here with a spot of time to kill anyway!!! Wondering: most of us have taken the standard or some close variation of the marriage vows and all that as part of a ceremony, but apart from that, have you or your spouse ever clearly and unequivocally expressed any condition that was absolutely non-negotiable and if done/not done as the case may be, would without question end the marriage??? No discussion, no marriage counselor sort of thing? In my case, for example...I told my husband that under no condition would our marriage continue if he were to commit adultery...I mean, with an actual other human being and anything that involved touching leading to orgasm...and I really mean it! If you've read my posts, you know that my first marriage was an "open" one and a total disaster, which is surely why I feel so strongly about this. On the other hand, I am also the one who is struggling with a relatively sexless marriage (work in progress). Yeah it's making me wonder if I have some dots to connect there. But never mind that. Just wondering if other people had clearly voiced vs assumed or implied specific expectations that way... Link to post Share on other sites
jonesgirly Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Good question, luvstarved. At first, I thought I could rattle off the usual "love, honor, cherish, fidelity" crap, but realized that rarely are these things actually discussed before marriage. Most people 'in love' assume these things. If I HAD been lucid enough to initiate a discussion of 'deal-breakers' for our marriage, I would probably have listed: Murder (mine, his, or anyone elses')Betrayal of Trust (including EA's, PA's, deceit, black lies, financial irresponsibility, or harboring a contagious disease without disclosure)Thats pretty much covers it Link to post Share on other sites
kulyok Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Things I would expect in my marriage and would be rather uncomfortable if this were untrue(probably considering counselling at some point): - vasectomy - wearing rings at all times - cleaning after himself(that is, our flat does not become a pigsty) - living in the city - spending quality time together - civil language and absence of agression - taking basic care about his health(gyn once a year, teeth, et cetera) and body(not walking smelly and unwashed in old trainers around the house) - earning a basic amount of money to pay for food, apartment, retirement and water/gas bills (unless I earn enough for two) Of course, he has every right to expect the same from myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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