evilsponge Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Sorry for the rant, but I need to vent. So I've been seeing a girl for about 5 months now, lets call her jane. We're nothing serious but we've both confessed to having strong feelings for eachother. Jane has told me that she tells more about herself to me than most others, that she needs me in her life, and goes on and on about how cute I am and is very flitatious at times. I've told her time and again that I don't care if she sees other people (we don't live very close together anymore), but she swears up and down about how she's not. Since this august however, a guy has showed up at Jane's myspace, taken her number two spot, and calls himself "jane's man". He leaves comments about how excited he is about seeing her in november (he lives where I am), and jane is just as flitaous as she is with me is on this guys page. And I'm not happy. How can she say all the things she said above and go and do the same to another person? Hell I'm not even mad that she's seeing someone else, it's just the shadyness of it all (what's worse is that I have to admit this guy looks like a chick magnet. He's big, a marine, and big martial arts guy). I guess it's best that I see who jane really is now, before I really started to feel something for her. I'm not going to bring up the topic of this other guy until she does, but I'll know from now on to take all her sweet words with a big grain of salt. Link to post Share on other sites
britchick Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 You told each other you had strong feelings for each other then you told her you don't care if she sees other people. Perhaps she thought that meant you no longer cared for her, that's how it sounds. Maybe she is flirting online to make you jealous, seems like it's working too. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Is it really shady if she's displaying this behavior on public internet forums like myspace? If you tell her that you don't mind her seeing other people, whether she agrees with you or not, it does send a message that you are capable of these powerful declarations of love without needing the underlying committment. Be direct. If you want to be her one and only fergawdsake communicate that. If you don't care to be her one and only, then don't get mad when she has other paramours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author evilsponge Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 blind otter: No one made any declarations of love, it was a casual relationship from the start. Also I'm not mad that's she's with someone, its the fact that she said she wasn't when its obvious that's not the case. Your right shadyness might not be the right word, but I really can't think of anything better to discribe it britchick: It is possible she could be doing make me jealous, but I haven't seen anything about her that might suggest she would do something out of spite. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 blind otter: No one made any declarations of love, it was a casual relationship from the start. Also I'm not mad that's she's with someone, its the fact that she said she wasn't when its obvious that's not the case. Your right shadyness might not be the right word, but I really can't think of anything better to discribe it I would use the word "flakey". As in, she obviously doesn't have the wits about her to keep up any subterfuge, and she also obviously doesn't understand that when you juggle multiple men, you have to communicate that you are dating other people but never, ever share the details or allow one lover to stumble upon information about another lover. That's just ham handed inexperience if you ask me. It's all well and good to date other people but one should always remember that even when it's agreed upon, no one wants a reminder that the one they are dating sees other men and says teh same sorts of things to all everyone they date. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 I guess she just doesn't want the potential confrontation and hassle of explaining if she is seeing another guy. I mean if you are seeing multiple people for sex & companionship, it's a real pain in the ass if they ask you about the other person or people. In a way it would be much easier if you just say you aren't seeing anyone, because frankly it's none of their business. The problem here is that in classic woman style she is bringing romantic talk into it, when you have a pretty low key thing going on. Most woman just aren't good at the sex without strings thing, even if they genuinely want it and not more, they still talk *as if* they wanted more. I mean you ask why she makes these declarations if she is seeing someone else. The answer is probably "because she's a woman", and that's just how she talks to people she goes to bed with. I'd say idiocy and believing her own bulls**t is the reason, rather than her being a "player". Maybe while she is with a man, she wants to at least feel she is an ok girl and not a whore, so she convinces herself for the moment that it's a bit more than just casual sex. Who knows, and more importantly, who cares? I suggest you simply ignore her romantic declarations, treat them as the sweet-talking crap that they are, and enjoy bonking her brains out. Why do you care about integrity in a f**k-buddy anyway? It sounds like you are wanting more than a FWB arrangement to me. Sort out your own priorities - do you just want sex & hanging out, or do you want something more? IMO it's absurd to expect or demand 100% integrity and great character from someone you are just using to get off. Meet up, have good sex, have a laugh, then forget about her. Forget all this jealousy or feelings nonsense, it's out of place in a relationship of this kind. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 2 points that have caught my eye: "We're nothing serious" "I don't care if she sees other people" Ahhhhh. The joys of sharing confounding messages. You know, I am getting sick of this kind rubbish. "OH! We're not REALLY 'together', but we'll act like we are." Milk meet Cow, Cow meet Milk. Seriously, bro. If you want her take you seriously, then step up to the plate and start taking HER seriously. Be straight with what you want and quit thinking that world is overrun by psychics. She can't read your mind, yo. BUT! If you are not prepared to do so, then let her be. Not trying to be harsh on you, man; however, if everyone would ditch this "non-committed commitment" model, we'd have less headaches. Link to post Share on other sites
Author evilsponge Posted September 9, 2006 Author Share Posted September 9, 2006 The issue of us having a serious or casual relationship isn't in question. We both know we're not in love with eachother. She claims she isn't seeing anyone else at the moment, even though she apprently is. That's what I was angry about. Is a little honesty so much to ask for? In any case, I decided to not to bring the issue up with her, it's not really my place to begin asking her such things and I'm not really not in the mood to spoil a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
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