I need a list

[Walk]

We have "All about (insert name here)" days, where the whole day is spent focused on that person. (or however long you have together) What ever the person wants on that day is granted. Say it's my day, then we get to go where I want, do what I want, eat what I want, and anything I say goes for the day. Vice versa for the bf. If it's his day, then we do everything he wants, and I have to do all the work to make it happen, just like he does all the work to make my day happen.

 

I like it, its fun, but we don't get too carried away about it. It's not meant to take advantage of the other person, but to show each other how important they are to us. No set schedule for these days, either I call it when I feel he's having a tough time, or he calls it for me. Can't call it for myself or him for himself. Has to be called by the other person. Ensures that no one feels taken advantage of, and also shows the other person that you want to do soemthing special for them.

 

Just a thought.

[a4a]

Thanks Walk and I have asked for that. A day where I can choose what we do. No show as of yet.

 

I am checking out the loving you website... sheesh it is long winded and full of fru fru crap.... yeah I want a leaf and twig picture frame. Oh a romantic door hanger....... :love: :lmao:

 

back to it..... maybe I can find something on there so he gets a clue.

[Moose]

Well then you suck!! :lmao:

 

how does any of those things show real effort?

 

putting the dishes he dirtied into the dishwasher on occassion is showing me he loves me?

 

he likes the cuddle and hand holding

 

lets me choose the movie or the tv channel :lmao:

 

oh yeah big effort in the romance dept. with those

Migawd, woman, what more do you need???

Alot of women would be happy to get half of what you are getting from your husband. Sure we all have room for improvements in our relationships but doesn't seem he is doing to bad.

See a4a.....I'm not the only one here that believes you could be making unreasonable expectations from him.

 

I realize that you SAID he's the one who wanted you to make the list......

 

BUT, I'd be curious to know exactley HOW that conversation took place.

 

AND, (per your persona),....why is it that so far you've shot down every suggestion the board has came up with?.......

[JackJack]

You seem to put a whole lot of effort in your marraige or trying to get things to work, and thats great, marriage is work sometimes. However, after all is said and done, what are your plans if he doesn't follow through with these requests on the list? I know you stated that HE suggested the list, but what if after you make one he doesn't follow through?

[Walk]

Thanks Walk and I have asked for that. A day where I can choose what we do. No show as of yet.

 

Write it on the list along with the words "Every other Sunday".

[a4a]

You seem to put a whole lot of effort in your marraige or trying to get things to work, and thats great, marriage is work sometimes. However, after all is said and done, what are your plans if he doesn't follow through with these requests on the list? I know you stated that HE suggested the list, but what if after you make one he doesn't follow through?

 

I will leave and live happily ever after.

 

He has made a promise to me to attempt to remedy this. If he breaks that promise through sheer laziness without an attempt what is left to deal with then?

 

Oct 31st is still the deadline he has set for his own goal for improvement.

[Roo]

a4a,

 

As best as I can tell from your posts what you are REALLY looking for is for him to notice the little things, to pay enough attention to you to do some of the small things without being told, to say something sweet to you, to appreciate the quirky way you do something, to do some mundane chore not because it'll score him points but just because it'll make you smile??

 

the sort of little things that require him to really know you, things that while not so romantic to the outsider would prove he knows you intimately??

[a4a]

a4a,

 

As best as I can tell from your posts what you are REALLY looking for is for him to notice the little things, to pay enough attention to you to do some of the small things without being told, to say something sweet to you, to appreciate the quirky way you do something, to do some mundane chore not because it'll score him points but just because it'll make you smile??

 

the sort of little things that require him to really know you, things that while not so romantic to the outsider would prove he knows you intimately??

 

You know what would impress me. Anything that had to be planned ahead of time. Anything he had to put the slightest amount of time, effort, and planning into.

 

Simple as a single rose with a note waiting at our dinner table at our favorite haunt.

Him buying some friggin candles and bubble bath and us taking a bath together.

Him planning a movie night in.... popcorn, sodas, bad candy, and maybe a fun pair of jammies to lounge in while watching the movies.

I suggested we have a gourmet cookie baking night....... he likes to cook.

I suggested this to be done naked and with cocktails

 

Not him picking up his socks....... hell if he leaves his socks on the floor they stay there. I am not his maid anymore :lmao: I let my dog tear them up :lmao:

 

How is what I want so damn difficult? Maybe something like this once a month.

 

Once again I have simply become a very useful tool in the life of another. Handle all the problems, deal with the **** without reward.

[Gunny376]

T

Is there a book out there that is written in such a manner for men to actually want to read it....... brief to the point?

 

Yes there is actually.

 

Actually, he's got three. I recommend them in order, because the first one lays the foundation for the others. They've got list galore, and more. There also not written in Somenex style but more in conversatonal style

 

 

By Gregory J. P. Godek

 

Romance 101 Lesson In Love

1001 Ways To Be Romantic

1001 MoreWays To Be Romantic

 

And, its not all about "romance" although that is the central theme. Romance 101 contains a bunch of chapters each about five pages or less long. Some of the Chapters:

 

Affection

Arguing

Balancing

Brainstorming

Celebrating

Change

Commitment

Communicating

Compromise

Control

Creativity

Dancing

Eccentricity

Emotions

Empowerment

Expectationos

Fantasy

Fear

Feelings

Forgivness

Games

Gifts

Growth

Habits

Help!

Interdepnedence

Intimacy

Kissing

Learning

Listening

Logic

Love

Lovemaking

Marriage

Masculinity / Feminiity

Math

Mistakes

Mythology

Oneness

Parenting

Past

Patterns

Playing

Questions

Responsibility

Self Esteem

Sensuality

Sexuality

Shopping

Skills

Spontaneity

Time

Togetherness

Touching

Trust

Truth

Uniquness

Vacations

Vision

[Roo]

What about love languages?

 

Seems to me a4a that you are a "deeds" girl but the deeds need to indicate he's thinking of you.

 

when I find my book (looking ....)I'll see what they called that and write you a snippet.

 

how about suggesting then that he do something planned with no further instruction.

 

plan an evenings worth of events for you every other week you plan that evening inthe off weeks.... a night without decisions. When you are the DO-er as it sounds like you are sometimes a night with zero responsibility for the planning or production is luxury enough. And try to remember if you do go this route... that the initial attempts may come far from a great evening but remember to praise what he's done right, and appreciate the effort even when he gets it wrong, if you continue to priase he'll continue to try and sooner or later he'll get it just right.

 

I'd also reccomend going for a walk a couple times a week together just to talk away from all distractions and noise, no pets, no phones, no tv, just the two of you.

[a4a]

See here I am again doing the work for him :lmao: now thinking about it I am getting a tad bitter.

 

Now with my bitter outlook I am thinking. Hummm..... I bet I do all this research as he as asked me to " I am clueless, help me" and I present it to him and he does nothing with it.

 

oooops just got more bitter thinking about that. :lmao:

 

So I think I will present my list, save the websites and book names and tell him here is the map ...... you go find it yourself

[Roo]

 

So I think I will present my list, save the websites and book names and tell him here is the map ...... you go find it yourself

 

Now that sounds like a plan! you can lead a horse to water....

[JackJack]

See here I am again doing the work for him :lmao: now thinking about it I am getting a tad bitter.

 

 

Kind of like a parent who knows they should not continue to do for their child who is old enough to do for themselves, but for whatever reason you just can't help it. The more you do for him the less likely he will learn on his own. Nothing wrong with communicating to him how you feel and what you want/need, but I see you doing alot of work while he sits like a dog waiting for his command to be given, and even then its no gurantee he will jump.

[bab]

-buy you a camel

[a4a]

-buy you a camel

 

 

I am going to buy that camel myself this coming spring :)

[a4a]

Now that sounds like a plan! you can lead a horse to water....

 

and stab it in the head with a fork?

 

Is that how that saying goes?

[2sunny]

Ahhhhhhh - forget the whole thing and run off and marry Moose! :lmao:

[a4a]

Ahhhhhhh - forget the whole thing and run off and marry Moose! :lmao:

 

There are not enough forks in the world to make that relationship work :lmao: :lmao:

[2sunny]

There are not enough forks in the world to make that relationship work :lmao: :lmao:

 

You would be like Green Acres with the big a$$ pitchfork in hand!

[melodymatters]

You're my favorite poster here, so i'll reply even though I have no friggen idea aboutthe parameters of 'healthy relationships". Personally, I admit, I LOVE BEING IN CHARGE. Control freaks-r-us ! Soooo, when I found a guy who wanted to be ...um....not in charge, I was thrilled. I always went for the dominant type, but then we'd butt heads. Now I'm with a 'youngest child" he's even 9 minutes younger than his identical twin and he lets HIM boss him around. ( BUT, he's all Harley-ed up, drives a fuel tanker, and looks mean as hell, only I know he's a sweet little teddy bear)

 

I guess what I'm saying my funny friend, is maybe what makes you guys WORK, is that he lets you be the dominant partner and we all know nothing is for free.

 

I've accepted the role, and accept the downsides that come with it. But MAN, it beats the other way with a BIG stick. Quite literally:cool: :cool:

 

is he at least considerate ? Like : buys your favorite cookies when he's at the store, or washes his hair with soap if there's only one serving of shampoo left, and we all know girls hair is more important ? stuff like that ? If so, I'd just bask in the power.....

[CynicalP]

I am kind of curious what is your list of things you do for your husband to show him you love and appreciate him?

[a4a]

You would be like Green Acres with the big a$$ pitchfork in hand!

 

This bring back a dream I had when we first started dating.

 

He pissed me off, I cut off his head, then proceeded to swing his decapitated head around by the pony tail he did have, swung his head right into the pig pasture for the pigs to play with.......

 

hummmm..... maybe I am psycho... I mean psychic....... :lmao:

 

Get this damn cat the hell off of me!!!

[a4a]

I am kind of curious what is your list of things you do for your husband to show him you love and appreciate him?

 

 

oh you want that list do ya?

 

besides the general things like his laundry dinners and what I think are trivial things like running errands for him and what not.

 

ok

 

gifts, things he mentions I take heed when he says he likes something. (many many gifts from clothing to pet chickens)

needs new tires I go get them for him

I will go out of my way and pick him up beer for a surprise on the weekend

tell him always how sexy and smart he is.

I make his lunch for work at 6:30 am many times for him

Take him out for surprise dinner and drinks

clean his work shop as a surprise

Oh do everything around here so he can have fun on the weekends, not just do what needs to be done.

blow jobs at the slightest hint of him wanting one....even a highway hummer here or there.

wash him in the shower

back rubs

foot rubs if they are clean

of course the mundane things but I don't think washing his clothing or cooking dinner is not that grand of a thing. But I do make him special gourmet dinners things that I know he likes.

pick up materials he needs for a project he wants to work on.

sleeps in on the weekends........ I never wake him, I do all the morning work every morning here.

play with him..... I may run buck ass naked thru the house bite him in the ass and just keep running.

buy him tools he wanted- surprised

gave him a horse he wanted

 

I know there is more but I never really tried to keep a record.

[basscatcher]

Are you having a melt-down like I was having?

 

Life gets routine, expected, mundane, and too normal at times.

Daily stresses, expectations, and routines will stir anxiety in us.

 

Maybe you just need to break out of the total norm..

 

Do something majorly different together..

 

Look at me for example:

I felt like I was losing my mind. I felt like everything was out of control. I was becoming more depressed and irrational as the days ticked by.

I've been in a consistant routine for almost 3 years daily. There have been some changes here and there but nothing that eased my tension or totally free'd me from the daily grind.

 

I say take that hubby of yours (hire someone to do the daily chores for 2 days) and get the hell off the farm. Pack up some goodies, grab a tent if you like to rough it, or delve into a bed & breakfast with scenery that is opposite of what you are use too.

 

I've lived in a big city for 9 years. (3 yrs in suburb of Minneapolis- 6 years in Fargo, ND) For me to break out of the city atmosphere was like heaven on earth to me. Going up to Charlies cabin, on the lake, no radio or tv, fresh air, no traffic, wild life was the opposite in my life these days.

 

If your in the country maybe a little bit of city life will do you a wee bit of good or go deeper into the country and rough it..

 

I think your missing adventure. The type of adventure that brings you and your hubby to joke around and blossom each others personality the way it was when you first were dating.

 

Break your rountine and go someplace not so familiar where you both look toward one another as partners instead of yourselfs as individuals..

 

In all this your hubby will find his creative side again if he can lt his mind go free of the responsibilities of home and work..

 

Get him to tap into the raw unseasoned area of his brain on his own...

 

Giving him a list is fine and dandy but your giving him the answers. I think you would much more enjoy something he spontaniously out of character did for you.. Something unexpected and if your lives are mundane and routine his creative juices won't flow well. He needs to have his mind open up.. Its too clogged from the daily grind.

 

This is my opinion.... Take him for a canoe ride and tip the frickin boat and then laugh at him... go for a walk along a river and start a mud fight ...

 

Be like teenagers again. Find the child inside of you!! Make his inner child come out too.

 

There is more to life then SEX.. Sex is good, sex is great, we love it but get out of bed and get life back.

[Guest]

I see alot of physical and material things you do for him, which is fine, but what do you give to relationship emotional wise?