I need a list

[a4a]

pissed again.

 

Just went out to mow the lawn and no fuel... even though we talked about getting the fuel cans filled. He was supposed to take them with him to work and fill up the diesel on his way home.

 

This is the kinda shyte that pisses me off.

 

oh well....no lawn mowing for me

[SmoochieFace]

pissed again.

 

Just went out to mow the lawn and no fuel... even though we talked about getting the fuel cans filled. He was supposed to take them with him to work and fill up the diesel on his way home.

 

This is the kinda shyte that pisses me off.

 

oh well....no lawn mowing for me

 

Just get the divorce. You're not happy and your husband is not gonna change permanently. Oh, he'll be 'good' for a short period but he will go back to his usual - as he seems to have done re the fuel cans.

 

You two are simply not compatible. Time to face that fact.

[basscatcher]

ah pada did you not give Charlie a list on how he needs to behave with you?

 

like the affection thing you wanted????

 

 

No list dear.. I just told him I needed affection and innerpersonal communication.

 

He is doing this now. He claimed to have a wall up due to his previous relationship and says that wall is now down and he is willing to take the risk of giving again.

 

Which he is. I feel no tension anymore or as of yet; like before..

 

I didn't give a list I made a claim of what I needed.

 

The relationship wasn't fullfilling then--

 

your relationship with your hubby seems to be full and fullfilling. Just routine and expected. You and he seem to be stuck in rountine and normalicy. Just looking for a spark. When routines get settled imingination can get dull and spontinaity can lesson.

 

I had this with my xh.. 11 1/2 years.. routine, dull, boring, (excluded from the constant abuse.) I didn't know what to do for him nor him for me. We were so set in our routines and expectations we didn't know how to break out of the box..

 

Maybe thats it--your hubby might just need a spark to get his imagination going again..

[JackJack]

pissed again.

 

Just went out to mow the lawn and no fuel... even though we talked about getting the fuel cans filled. He was supposed to take them with him to work and fill up the diesel on his way home.

 

This is the kinda shyte that pisses me off.

 

oh well....no lawn mowing for me

 

 

His mind must be elsewhere or he would have had the fuel cans filled correct? Either he simply doesn't care, or he figures you will do it anyway. This might be part of where the problem lies, you do for him even when you say you wont and are tired of it. He throws his socks in the floor, if they lay there long enough you will eventualy pick them up, he knows this, so he is less likely to do anything. There is still that deadline, right? He better get to crackin then if he wants to participate in saving his marriage, but I have this odd feeling that he might not care one way or the other.

[a4a]

No list dear.. I just told him I needed affection and innerpersonal communication.

 

He is doing this now. He claimed to have a wall up due to his previous relationship and says that wall is now down and he is willing to take the risk of giving again.

 

Which he is. I feel no tension anymore or as of yet; like before..

I didn't give a list I made a claim of what I needed.

..

 

 

well I did the same, he asked for it to be written after telling him. He also was the one looking for ideas for doing things like surprise dinners..... he said he is clueless.

 

So my list is just like you saying to Charlie " I need more affection and communication".... just in written form as the H requested me to do.

 

Our life is not routine. His life is chaotic due to his lack of F-ing planning ahead. Like him running the hell out of gas....... utter chaos. I cannot stand it. Just like no diesel here now due to lack of planning and execution on his part. he damn well knew we were out of diesel as he drove the tractor the day before yesterday.

 

I am irate again. and I just had to pay the damn elec. bill because he did not..... due today...... no routine no responsibility....... now I am pissed again..... highly pissed.

 

I am tempted to take every fruckin gas can out there and throw them out on the front lawn!

 

But of course I will just mention it to him if he could please pick up the fuel like we discussed and said he would on Sunday. So I don't have to drive 8 miles out of my way to do so.

 

where is my fork? :lmao:

[JamesM]

There is still that deadline, right? He better get to crackin then if he wants to participate in saving his marriage, but I have this odd feeling that he might not care one way or the other.

 

THAT is what I wonder as well. And he may say he says what his expectations are, but truthfully, I wonder if he says completely what is in his heart. If he says that his expectations are not met, will he receive a litany of all that is being done for him, so he should appreciate what is being done? Or will his expectations not be what he really "needs." Hence, he may not care.

 

If I asked my wife for a list of things that would make her happy, they would no longer make her happy...because I did not come up with that list.

 

And if my wife made me a list of things that made her happy and I did not ask for it, then I would not have fun doing what she expected because I had not thought of that list, and none of them would be a surprise. So either way, I cannot see how a list would help.

 

No matter how you look at it...either he wants to do it or he doesn't. He may say he doesn't want to be that way, but inside the rewards for that success are not sufficient. Either he doesn't think doing what is expected is enough, or he doesn't want to do what is expected.

 

At this point, I am afraid of what the answer would be.

[a4a]

His mind must be elsewhere or he would have had the fuel cans filled correct? Either he simply doesn't care, or he figures you will do it anyway. This might be part of where the problem lies, you do for him even when you say you wont and are tired of it. He throws his socks in the floor, if they lay there long enough you will eventualy pick them up, he knows this, so he is less likely to do anything. There is still that deadline, right? He better get to crackin then if he wants to participate in saving his marriage, but I have this odd feeling that he might not care one way or the other.

 

 

yep Jack bottom line I don't think he will care either way...... like I told him he can boo hoo to his friends about how I just suddenly walked out on him. :lmao:

 

Fuel cans to the front yard or not??? Damn I am mad about that..... this is a fine example of why he frustrates me so damn much.

 

Just like he is driving my truck and I asked him to drop it off at his buddys garage for an oil change on his way to work... I asked last week.... is it done.

nope...... should I take my friggin keys away from him or what? His truck needs a fuel pump so he is driving my little truck...... I still have my big one but damn I am again going without my errand truck and he cannot be bothered to drop it for a oil change that I am paying for...... I am not asking him to even pay for it...... sheesh....

 

see I get my button pushed and then it avalanches....... but it will pass. Or maybe I should let the shyte hit the fan for a change. Not be nice about it, try to have a nice productive conversation about fuel and oil changes..... just take the truck run it into a tree and throw the cans on it and light the bitch on fire right in front of him........ :lmao:

 

honestly I am pissed/disappointed but I am not one to scream at him about this.... maybe I need to?

[JackJack]

I am irate again. and I just had to pay the damn elec. bill because he did not..... due today...... no routine no responsibility....... now I am pissed again..... highly pissed

 

And you will continue to be like this until he steps up to the plate and does what is expected of him. Or whatever it is he needs to do. He might have once fullfilled your wishes or expectations, but for whatever reason right now it seems he is not. Unless he does a complete turn around in your eyes, I think you will continue to find fault in him because he is not doing what needs or expected to be done.

[a4a]

THAT is what I wonder as well. And he may say he says what his expectations are, but truthfully, I wonder if he says completely what is in his heart. If he says that his expectations are not met, will he receive a litany of all that is being done for him, so he should appreciate what is being done? Or will his expectations not be what he really "needs." Hence, he may not care.

 

If I asked my wife for a list of things that would make her happy, they would no longer make her happy...because I did not come up with that list.

 

And if my wife made me a list of things that made her happy and I did not ask for it, then I would not have fun doing what she expected because I had not thought of that list, and none of them would be a surprise. So either way, I cannot see how a list would help.

 

No matter how you look at it...either he wants to do it or he doesn't. He may say he doesn't want to be that way, but inside the rewards for that success are not sufficient. Either he doesn't think doing what is expected is enough, or he doesn't want to do what is expected.

 

At this point, I am afraid of what the answer would be.

 

 

well the deadline may come sooner......

 

and f the list..... did you read it?.... yes if he did those things it would make me happy. It is not detailed..... like spend time away ...... plan ahead for our time...... it is not a detailed list I think it is open for his own ideas to be put into place.

 

 

Monday:

crab dinner, buy flowers, hold the door for me.

 

Tuesday:

make bed, light candles, eat me, rub my feet.

make goat cheese, carve pumpkins,

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

If your wife came to you and said "honey, I would love it if we could spend the weekend together away, could you plan that for us?

 

what would be your reaction? That is what i have done. He wanted the written list as a reminder so he did not forget...... he is a list kinda guy.

[basscatcher]

I am tempted to take every fruckin gas can out there and throw them out on the front lawn!

 

Stratically stack the gas cans in a pile. Add some decorations like sunflowers in the cans place a sweet loving sign with beautiful writing on a peice of cardboard in the front lawn with some over killed nicey nicey statement on it stick a few forks through the cardboard and you could even put a pile of tators at the base...

 

End your sing with I love you. Maybe put a few of his dirty socks of the sign.. and keep adding his forgetfulness to the pile in the middle of the yard as he come up to the house door.

 

Halloween is coming maybe by the time its here you will have one frickin scarey ornament on your front lawn.

[quankanne]

confession time: I admit that I've only read the first and last page of this thread, but what pops into my head when you talk about "lists" is something marked in HUGE BLACK LETTERS saying "Do not take me for granted. Period."

 

I think that covers a variety of ills, like overlooking doing nice things, like expecting you to always take care of things the other person never thinks of doing, of you being expected to be happy little spousey all the time and never mind whenever you're overlooked or forgotten. Because really? It all boils down to being courteous of each other. I don't mind doing little things for DH because I love him and want to do them; and I like that kind of treatment in return. Doesn't have to be grand gestures, but not having to worry about the air in my tires, keeping the rose bushes alive, a bar of chocolate and passionate kisses "just because" are all nice things that say, "I'm thinking about you and I love you."

 

My guess on all this is that he just is using me and really does not love me one bit.

 

I imagine he loves you, he just doesn't understand that there are other ways of showing you, especially when it comes to being self-sufficient to a a point where you're not having to play caretaker with him. Sometimes, it's like training a child (or a dog) in positive behavior so that they veer away from negative behavior. I know you hate the thought of having to "train" your husband, but honey, it may just have gotten to this point, because he isn't going to figure it out on his own :p

[quankanne]

He wanted the written list as a reminder so he did not forget...... he is a list kinda guy.

 

well, I just saw this last comment, which completely supersedes the last half of what I posted above. He needs that visual reminder. Which, in a way is good, especially if he pays close attention.

[a4a]

I am irate again. and I just had to pay the damn elec. bill because he did not..... due today...... no routine no responsibility....... now I am pissed again..... highly pissed

 

And you will continue to be like this until he steps up to the plate and does what is expected of him. Or whatever it is he needs to do. He might have once fullfilled your wishes or expectations, but for whatever reason right now it seems he is not. Unless he does a complete turn around in your eyes, I think you will continue to find fault in him because he is not doing what needs or expected to be done.

 

 

Your damn right. I married a man that would sit down and pay his bills once a week.

 

I married a man that would say "hey lets go out and get a bite to eat"

 

I married a man that would never leave dirty clothes on the floor.

 

I married a man that would never neglect such matters.

 

I married a man that would never put crap on the front porch and leave it there.

 

I married a man that did the laundry without question.... and kept this property impecable...... now that I am here why should he...... I am his slave I guess.

 

Marriage made him into a lazy worthless sot...... like the stereotypical wife that ends up 400lbs sits and watches soaps and does nothing.

 

He best do a 180 and add a few more degrees to it.

 

Gas cans are heading to front lawn......... :lmao:

[a4a]

He wanted the written list as a reminder so he did not forget...... he is a list kinda guy.

 

well, I just saw this last comment, which completely supersedes the last half of what I posted above. He needs that visual reminder. Which, in a way is good, especially if he pays close attention.

 

he says it makes things easier if he has a visual reminder of some sort....

but he needs to start making his own reminders. :lmao:

 

Do you think the 8 gas cans scattered in the front lawn may remind him to get fuel? :lmao: :lmao:

[basscatcher]

he says it makes things easier if he has a visual reminder of some sort....

but he needs to start making his own reminders. :lmao:

 

Do you think the 8 gas cans scattered in the front lawn may remind him to get fuel? :lmao: :lmao:

 

 

I think putting flowers or sunflowers in them will be a perfect reminder. not to mention encircling them with forks or pitchforks.

[a4a]

confession time: I admit that I've only read the first and last page of this thread, but what pops into my head when you talk about "lists" is something marked in HUGE BLACK LETTERS saying "Do not take me for granted. Period."

 

I think that covers a variety of ills, like overlooking doing nice things, like expecting you to always take care of things the other person never thinks of doing, of you being expected to be happy little spousey all the time and never mind whenever you're overlooked or forgotten. Because really? It all boils down to being courteous of each other. I don't mind doing little things for DH because I love him and want to do them; and I like that kind of treatment in return. Doesn't have to be grand gestures, but not having to worry about the air in my tires, keeping the rose bushes alive, a bar of chocolate and passionate kisses "just because" are all nice things that say, "I'm thinking about you and I love you."

 

My guess on all this is that he just is using me and really does not love me one bit.

 

I imagine he loves you, he just doesn't understand that there are other ways of showing you, especially when it comes to being self-sufficient to a a point where you're not having to play caretaker with him. Sometimes, it's like training a child (or a dog) in positive behavior so that they veer away from negative behavior. I know you hate the thought of having to "train" your husband, but honey, it may just have gotten to this point, because he isn't going to figure it out on his own :p

 

 

giving him biscuits just makes him figure out to stand closer to the biscuit jar.

 

time to pull out my sorting stick and train him like a horse.

 

Alpha mare...... foal gets out of line.... mare bites it, horse kicks at another horse..... horse kicks back. I think I have been too nice..... way way too nice.

Too accomedating, too easy on him.

 

Either he complies and learns appropriate behavior or I send him off to slaughter....... :lmao:

[quankanne]

:lmao: I personally like the idea of bopping him on the head with said can and getting his attention ...

 

sometimes, you've just got to act the role of shrew before the message gets through. Not too often though, because then it loses its effect.

 

stabbing fork, anyone? :bunny:

[a4a]

Just get the divorce. You're not happy and your husband is not gonna change permanently. Oh, he'll be 'good' for a short period but he will go back to his usual - as he seems to have done re the fuel cans.

 

You two are simply not compatible. Time to face that fact.

 

F*ck that I want to torture him first..... he is not getting off that easy........ :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

[a4a]

:lmao: I personally like the idea of bopping him on the head with said can and getting his attention ...

 

sometimes, you've just got to act the role of shrew before the message gets through. Not too often though, because then it loses its effect.

 

stabbing fork, anyone? :bunny:

 

 

As much as it would kinda feel good to toss the cans...... I just probably cannot bring myself to do it.

 

Maybe I should?

 

Although we did have the talk about him being like a kid that won't clean up his room and he said he would take the kids toys and crap laying around and throw them in a garbage bad to teach the kid to clean its room....... so maybe that is what he needs....... gas cans on the front lawn?

[SmoochieFace]

F*ck that I want to torture him first..... he is not getting off that easy........ :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

He seems to be getting off easy now, doncha think? How about putting your money where your mouth is, so to speak?

[JackJack]

Your damn right. I married a man that would sit down and pay his bills once a week.

 

I married a man that would say "hey lets go out and get a bite to eat"

 

I married a man that would never leave dirty clothes on the floor.

 

I married a man that would never neglect such matters.

 

I married a man that would never put crap on the front porch and leave it there.

 

I married a man that did the laundry without question.... and kept this property impecable...... now that I am here why should he...... I am his slave I guess.

 

Marriage made him into a lazy worthless sot...... like the stereotypical wife that ends up 400lbs sits and watches soaps and does nothing.

 

He best do a 180 and add a few more degrees to it.

 

Gas cans are heading to front lawn......... :lmao:

 

 

You all have not really been married all that long. I still say its possible, you all are just hitting a rough patch in your marraige. Maybe he is burnt out on towing the line so much. Maybe he got a little to comfortable? Hell I dunno.

 

Do you feel, that you have had NO hand in him acting this way at all? Do you feel he is just being this way due to his own depression, or his own laziness? Do you think its possible at all, that maybe, just maybe you are a contributing factor to why he acts, or feels the way he does? I'm not saying YOU are, I am simply asking you if you see this as a possiblity? Please don't fork me today.

[Moose]

I married a man that would say "hey lets go out and get a bite to eat"

 

I married a man that would never leave dirty clothes on the floor.

 

I married a man that would never neglect such matters.

 

I married a man that would never put crap on the front porch and leave it there.

Pay attention to the first four words in each of these sentences.

 

"You married a man"

 

What does that tell you?

 

Did you think he'd be the same person forever?

 

Did you think he wouldn't go through a few changes?

 

Did you think he was a robot?

 

And do you think he'll stick to your, "lists"......??

 

The answer to all of these is a resounding NO!

 

I'm not trying to be rude, or judgemental......but it's true that succesfull marriages or relationships are ones where some change is accepted.....

 

And guess what????

 

He will change AGAIN!!!

 

Maybe for the better......maybe for the worse.....

 

The thing is....you MARRIED him......YOU married HIM.......

 

Out of all these wonderful things that you say you are and do.....I would hate to think you're the type to walk away from your comittment.....

[a4a]

You all have not really been married all that long. I still say its possible, you all are just hitting a rough patch in your marraige. Maybe he is burnt out on towing the line so much. Maybe he got a little to comfortable? Hell I dunno.

 

Do you feel, that you have had NO hand in him acting this way at all? Do you feel he is just being this way due to his own depression, or his own laziness? Do you think its possible at all, that maybe, just maybe you are a contributing factor to why he acts, or feels the way he does? I'm not saying YOU are, I am simply asking you if you see this as a possiblity? Please don't fork me today.

 

jack I so went over that with him for a good couple of weeks..... what do you need me to do..... how can I help you.... am I doing something to upset you..... what can I do to help. I still am doing that.... and I finally quit taking the responsibility for him and the blame for his lack of action....

 

 

If you asked him right now he would tell you that he is so so so so happy to be married to me. The only thing he would change is that I would be more happy with him....... well I would if he would just get back to himself.

 

Again he keeps saying he is not himself...... he does not know why he is doing what he is doing..... he says he is neglecting me .....

 

and it is not a hostile enviroment here at all. I give him his morning kiss goodbye and have a nice day sexy man...... we discuss..... we do not yell.

 

I did call him a retard.... well asked if he was a retard..I was angry and apologized later that same night..

 

but he says it has nothing to do with me at all...... nothing.

 

I think he is in the middle of male mentalpause :lmao:

[hotgurl]

although a4a that is a pretty big change in just a year. I wonder if thisis how he really is. And he was just working overtime in the wooing phase and now that your married.....

[a4a]

Pay attention to the first four words in each of these sentences.

 

"You married a man"

 

What does that tell you?

 

Did you think he'd be the same person forever?

 

Did you think he wouldn't go through a few changes?

 

Did you think he was a robot?

 

And do you think he'll stick to your, "lists"......??

 

The answer to all of these is a resounding NO!

 

I'm not trying to be rude, or judgemental......but it's true that succesfull marriages or relationships are ones where some change is accepted.....

 

And guess what????

 

He will change AGAIN!!!

 

Maybe for the better......maybe for the worse.....

 

The thing is....you MARRIED him......YOU married HIM.......

 

Out of all these wonderful things that you say you are and do.....I would hate to think you're the type to walk away from your comittment.....

 

 

If a person becomes a drunk or abusive you are damn right I will walk right the hell out...... if he cheats....... later...... right now I am giving him a chance...... his choice to take action or not. Quite honestly this is why I was not keen on getting married. I do not take such a commitment lightly. But ya know it takes two. And if he was ever upset with me I would give a crap enough to take heed and make adjustments where need be. There is no glory in being a martyr..... life is too short.