tony_pjp Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Hi peeps I'm in an 7 month relationship with my g/f and we're both virgins. Anyways when we argue a few occassions, I would say about 4 times a months. We exchange some words and as usual I always spit when I'm mad and she doesn't stop cursing nor shuts up, in which she reponds back physical by shoving me or punching me with her fists or kicking me hard on the legs. This time when I spit on her face today, I got punch in the eye, so now I have a black eye. She says I deserve it for spitting at her, is that fair??? I'm not the one hitting, I don't hit anyone (much less a girl), I just spit or say sarcastic comments to her when I'm mad(that's my way). Then she pretends to be the victim and says spitting in her face is abuse and justifies it when she hits me. And yes she also stated since the beginning that if I ever were to dare lay a hand on her, she would grab anything and reply back, even a broken bottle or chair. Link to post Share on other sites
Baybee9404 Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 I know she was hitting you and everything but spitting in her face is gross and disrespectful. You should have just walked away to cool yourself down. I know its easier said than done but if you just walked away you wouldnt be asking for advice right now because you would know that just walking away is the right thing to do. But needless to say hun if your girlfriend is hitting you it's time to have a nice talk with her and let her know if she cant keep her hands to herself then she's not going to be your girlfriend anymore. There is no reason for it unless it is self defense and your not hitting her so she shouldnt hit you. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 You're both being abusive toward each other. Spitting in someone's face is abusive. Hitting is abusive. Punching and kicking is abusive. Hurling insults and sarcastic comments and yelling is abusive. Both of you need to get away from each other and seek counseling to determine why you react in such anger, as well as to go to some anger management classes. It's only a matter of time before one of you ends up in the hospital or with the police at the door. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 spitting on someone is inexcuseable abusive behavior. It totally makes a situation worse, and makes the person feel like absolute sh*t. How she reacts is not laudable either, you are BOTH exhibiting abusive behavior. Get out of this relationship and get help with anger management. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tony_pjp Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 I know right, it's not like I'm hitting her. I know spitting in someone's face is still wrong, but she asks for it too, can't explain her in order way (I have try sarcastic comments). The reason I don't break up is well I'm so in love, she's my first and only girl I ever kissed. Thing is she just hits if I spit at her, keeps saying I asked for it. In a way it's true, she told me about it already and I stupidly did it anyways and like she stated, I got what I deserved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author tony_pjp Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 You're both being abusive toward each other. Spitting in someone's face is abusive. Hitting is abusive. Punching and kicking is abusive. Hurling insults and sarcastic comments and yelling is abusive. Both of you need to get away from each other and seek counseling to determine why you react in such anger, as well as to go to some anger management classes. It's only a matter of time before one of you ends up in the hospital or with the police at the door. That's a news, I did NOT know spitting was considered abusive. Norajane I have told her many times about her temper, that she seriously needs to change, she does needs help but ends up getting defensive and rubbing things in my face saying "What about you with the comments and slangs", in which I replied "Only if you start them first, but at least I'm not the one hitting". Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 Hi peeps I'm in an 7 month relationship with my g/f and we're both virgins. . Curious why share this.......does if have something to do with your fights? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 If ny H spit in my face he would probably get a fork to the head.... It is abusive, nasty, and very degrading to any person. Are you part camelid? Link to post Share on other sites
Author tony_pjp Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 Curious why share this.......does if have something to do with your fights? You're right, that has nothing to do with our arguments, that was just the intro.. Anyways I'm amaze you also find her hitting me is justified? Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 I know right, it's not like I'm hitting her. I know spitting in someone's face is still wrong, but she asks for it too, can't explain her in order way (I have try sarcastic comments). Well if that's not perfect abuser logic I don't know what is. I only spit on her because she is asking for it. I have no control over what I do. Seriously spitting is gross and inmature. Who over the age of three spits at people. Why would you ever spit at someone in an argument. And sarcastic comments again immature way of delaing with conflict. You both need help expressing your emtions in a proper way and you need to be away form each other. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 You're right, that has nothing to do with our arguments, that was just the intro.. Anyways I'm amaze you also find her hitting me is justified? I did not say I justify it.... I am saying it is just as bad as you walking up to some stranger and spitting on them and not expecting to get popped in the eye. Who the hell do you think you are to spit on another person? And not expect a reaction... do you think she should just sit there and take it..... next time just slap her in the face :lmao: I bet she slaps you back :lmao: geeze....... do yourself and herself a favor break up and get therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 That's a news, I did NOT know spitting was considered abusive. Norajane I have told her many times about her temper, that she seriously needs to change, she does needs help but ends up getting defensive and rubbing things in my face saying "What about you with the comments and slangs", in which I replied "Only if you start them first, but at least I'm not the one hitting". You clearly also have a temper, so don't think it's just her. YES, spitting is abusive - did you grow up in a house where people spit on each other when they got mad and you think that's normal or something??? If anyone spit on me, yes, they'd get a punch in the nose too, just as if they'd slapped me or punched me. Spitting is aggressive, disrespectful, and ABUSIVE. If you think it's normal, you need to get some serious help NOW. Link to post Share on other sites
tikigods Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 If this isn't a powderkeg of a relationship I don't know what is! I think you guys need to break up, there is waay to much anger on BOTH sides. You both are being abusive and I don't see why either one of you would stay in a relationship like this Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 I agree with the other posters that you are both being abusive towards each other. Your relationship sounds very unhealthy, you should both learn to deal with arguments in a mature way. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 I know spitting in someone's face is still wrong, but she asks for it too, Did she say "Please spit in my face?" If not, she wasn't "asking" for it. You did it because you were pissed and wanted to degrade and insult her. Listen, I think what you were saying is that you two get into an argument, you feel she gets really defensive, you get thoroughly frustrated and then spit on her, and she responds by hitting you back. Is that basically it? You're responsible for your behavior. You can't control anyone else, but you can control your own. Next time the two of you are arguing, and you start to feel yourself getting so mad you want to spit, call a time out. Stop everything right then, and go away. Go listen to music, take a walk, whatever you have to do to cool off. You two aren't going to make it if you keep this type of behavior going. Neither of you are right. So why won't you work together with her to change how you two argue? Read up on better ways to argue, talk to other people about how they effectively argue. Learn how to change your behaviors so that you aren't caught in a ever tightening circle of abuse. Its not healthy for either of you, and the relationship won't survive for long. Stop pointing fingers at each other. Both of you are wrong. You are wrong. She is wrong. All you're doing is attempting to justify your behavior. But what are you going to do now that you know we don't agree with you? Get mad and spit on your screen? Why not just end the relationship now? Save both of you the mental and physical trauma. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 She says I deserve it for spitting at her, is that fair??? Yes. IMO you both sound revolting, very deserving of eachother. Good luck with everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 You are BOTH dead WRONG! You're spitting at her to provoke her to hit you. That way you can get sympathy. At the same time, you are more passive, and I'm guessing you're not starting the fights. People who spit and hit like this are generally looking for control through physical intimidation. That's a dead end street for everyone involved. The only god given right you have when you're being treated badly is leaving the relationship. It's a skill you should develop early on. People who hang on to bad relationships to try and "fix" them, have a tendancy to lead more miserable lives for it. If you're being treated badly, find another partner. You'll learn about your own faults in the process, you'll learn to deal with break-ups (they're not the end of the world), and the abuser will hopefully also learn that their behavior will result in people leaving them. You'll certainly find a better partner if you learn from experience. Everyone wins. Compare this to staying together and beating the hell out of each other, where everyone loses. Link to post Share on other sites
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