i don't understand please help!

[jess]

me and my boyfriend have this couple as friends,the guy forgot his anniversary and probably he won't give his girlfriend a lot for valentine's. So my boyfriend told me that I should not be mushy mushy and that we should ease up about valentines because that's making our girl friend jealous because i might get more presents than her and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

 

I asked him what he really meant because i don't brag about our relationship and how much he gives me. At the same time I told him that is not my fault that our guy friend is not giving her stuff. My boyfriend said he wants to help our guy friend by not making a big deal on valentines that way we don't hurt feelings.

 

I totally got confused and asked him what he really meant and still he didn't know how to explain it. I felt hurt and had an argument with him. Later he said he meant that unless they ask us about the "event",we shouldn't asked them about what are they're going to give to each other.

 

Do you think my boyfriend is right? he apologized because he use the "wrong words" such as asking me to stop being "mushy mushy" he didn't mean PDA he meant not making a big deal about valentines.

[Tony T]

I don't know your boyfriend so I can't judge what his motivations are. If he is cheap, maybe he's trying to get out of giving you anything meaningful for Valentine's Day by using this ploy regarding the other couple.

 

What another couple does for Valentine's Day should NOT be his concern. He does NOT have the power to hurt the feelings of another couple like that. Second, it is INSANE for him to tell you to tone down Valentine's Day for the two of you because another couple's day won't be quite as special. That is frighteningly nuts!!!

 

If you really care for your guy despite his craziness, do what your heart says to do. Frankly, I don't think people ought to wait until one particular day of the year to do special things for someone they love and care about. That in itself is insane. You should give cards and show love with gifts at reasonable intervals irrespective of some stupid commercial holiday that society has imposed to make people feel guilty if they haven't gone out of their way for the person they love.

 

So, first, conduct your relationship with your guy irrespective of the people around you, including this other couple. What the two of you do on Valentine's Day, what the two of you give each other, is YOUR BUSINESS and nobody elses. You shouldn't be with another couple on that day...it is special and personal just between the two of you.

 

If the other couple, who don't do very much for each other for Valentine's Day, is STUPID enough to ask the two of you what you did or what you got for Valentine's Day...if THEY want to open up that can of worms...be honest with them and let them know.

 

Now, don't rub it in their faces and don't go on and on, but be honest. If this other couple has special, dear feelings for each other...what you or anybody else does or gets for Valentine's Day will be of no significance whatsoever. If their relationship is so tenative and so on the rocks, maybe they need the information so they can see just how badly they need to break up and go find people who aren't so crazy into what people do and get for Valentine's Day.

 

But your boyfriend is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG for being so concerned about this. You tell him his relationship is with you and to think about YOU on Valentine's Day and EVERY OTHER DAY. Let the other couple handle their own head stuff.

 

Tell your boyfriend to live his life for himself and not for other people. It's really nice to be considerate and that's nice. Don't say much about your Valentine's Day experience if that will hurt other and but have the most special day you can.

 

Does your boyfriend refrain from having cavities filled because his friend is afraid of doing to the dentist? Is he afraid his friend might see him as more courageous?

[velvet]

Sounds like your b/f is close friends with the other guy. He does not want to look bad in front of the other male. It doesnt have anything to do with money. It has to do with how much affection he shows you. He doesnt want his friend to see that or even know about it. Its a male thing! Some men dont want other men to see certain things.

 

I think it usually has something to do with their age. How old is your b/f. If he is in his early/middle twentys than I might be right about this.

 

Some men dont want their male friends to know how much they love a girl, they dont want them to know that he likes the theme song from the movie Titanic. Some things males want to keep from other males. Like if he were to buy you 2 karet heart shaped diamond. Men dont like to have that kind of conversation with other men.

 

So instead of you hitting the brakes for Valentine's Day, go ahead and do something really special with him, go all out on each other and than hold your finger up to your lips, tell him shhhh! I want tell if you dont tell.

 

I don't know your boyfriend so I can't judge what his motivations are. If he is cheap, maybe he's trying to get out of giving you anything meaningful for Valentine's Day by using this ploy regarding the other couple. What another couple does for Valentine's Day should NOT be his concern. He does NOT have the power to hurt the feelings of another couple like that. Second, it is INSANE for him to tell you to tone down Valentine's Day for the two of you because another couple's day won't be quite as special. That is frighteningly nuts!!! If you really care for your guy despite his craziness, do what your heart says to do. Frankly, I don't think people ought to wait until one particular day of the year to do special things for someone they love and care about. That in itself is insane. You should give cards and show love with gifts at reasonable intervals irrespective of some stupid commercial holiday that society has imposed to make people feel guilty if they haven't gone out of their way for the person they love. So, first, conduct your relationship with your guy irrespective of the people around you, including this other couple. What the two of you do on Valentine's Day, what the two of you give each other, is YOUR BUSINESS and nobody elses. You shouldn't be with another couple on that day...it is special and personal just between the two of you. If the other couple, who don't do very much for each other for Valentine's Day, is STUPID enough to ask the two of you what you did or what you got for Valentine's Day...if THEY want to open up that can of worms...be honest with them and let them know. Now, don't rub it in their faces and don't go on and on, but be honest. If this other couple has special, dear feelings for each other...what you or anybody else does or gets for Valentine's Day will be of no significance whatsoever. If their relationship is so tenative and so on the rocks, maybe they need the information so they can see just how badly they need to break up and go find people who aren't so crazy into what people do and get for Valentine's Day. But your boyfriend is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG for being so concerned about this. You tell him his relationship is with you and to think about YOU on Valentine's Day and EVERY OTHER DAY. Let the other couple handle their own head stuff.

 

Tell your boyfriend to live his life for himself and not for other people. It's really nice to be considerate and that's nice. Don't say much about your Valentine's Day experience if that will hurt other and but have the most special day you can. Does your boyfriend refrain from having cavities filled because his friend is afraid of doing to the dentist? Is he afraid his friend might see him as more courageous?