I'm the other woman!

[Guest]

Ok. Here's the deal. My ex and i dated for almost two years, he broke up with me because he "didn't feel the same about me" anymore. Well, we remained friends... it took awhile because we were both hurting and getting over eachother but we finally decided that we cared about eachother too much and trusted eachother too completely to not be friends. So now we're the best of friends. Here's the deal, he has a girlfriend. Now, as of three days ago, that didn't bother me. I had accepted it and he accepted that i didn't ever want to hang out with them together. So the other night, we hung out til like five in the morning, just talking. And he kept "looking" at me... you know what i mean? In a way that friends usually don't. I ignored it and everything was okee. The next night he met me after work and we drove down to a park to hang out. He wanted to skinny dip because we always said we would, but never got a chance. I wasn't going to, i was jsut gonna go in my underwear. But all of a sudden he comes up to me and undoes my bra, but i'm holding it on... He starts just kind of staring in my eyes, and then BAM he just starts kissing me. I push him away and say "you have a girlfriend"... he says "meh..." and blows it off, and starts kissing me again. In the end i push him away andtell him to stop and we have a long talk. We say things like "i don't ever want to lose you in my life" he said "i may have broken up with you, but i will always love you" and he tells me "i'm not fully over you" and i remind him "you broke up with me." with tears in my eyes, and he holds me and tells me how sorry he is. We leave as closer friends than ever and i promise him i won't tell, either will he. The next day we hang out again and he knows something is wrong... so i got it all out... i yelled at him because he didn't feel guilty at all! He never cheated on me and he said it was exciting to do something he's never done before (which is cheat on his girlfriend) who by the way, he is supposed to be exclusive with and says he loves her to her face. Oh and they were the best of friends before they started dating. And this guy... i don't know... when he was with me he was totally sweet and got pissed at his friend for cheating, he is so not himself when he's with her. I don't know what happened or why he's doing this, but movin on... i yelled at him and he said he didn't feel bad, he said it was exciting and he missed me a lot and wanted to feel what he felt with me back when. This was only four months ago so i was still not fully over him. I told him "it took me four months to be ok with you having a girlfriend, you cannot play with me". He said he wasn't trying to. We had another long talk and in the end, ended up making out and becoming "friends with benefits". The night ended with me asking myself "what the hell are you doing?". The thing is, if I were his girlfriend, i know he would never do this. He felt so guilty about having one drink of alcohol (when we were underage and he knew i hated underage drinking) that he called me up immediately and told me. And that was towards the end of our relationship. This girl has made a cheater out of him. And i guess i'm playing into it too. I'm just as bad as him. If we're ever caught, both of us will lose all of our friends. It just kills me that he doesn't feel bad AT ALL... it excites him! I hate the bitch he's with because she did some horrible things to me, and lied to him... but still. It's like he can't make up his mind which woman he wants, so he's trying ot have both. I'm still deciding whether or not to throw caution to the wind and live a little, or back off and tell him no. He told me he wouldn't cheat with anyone else in the world but me. And he told me if i wanted to stop, just to tell him and he would never even talk about it again and we'd still be best of friends. And it's not like i'm lesser to her... i know for a fact he cares about me equally if not more than her. But gosh! I've never done this before. Advice?

[mental_traveller]

Advice? Read through the "other woman" threads on the forum archive, see how they turned out, then ask yourself is this what you want? Have some self-respect and don't play along with these games. If you are sure you want to get back with him (which is iffy because now you know he's capable of cheating), then simply give him an ultimatum, you or her. His choice will tell you how much he actually cares about you. Right now he can have his cake and eat it, it's easy for him. Make him choose if you must, either that or refuse to see him again.