Triangular problems

[Worried]

So here's the deal:

 

In college, most of my friends were guys, including my best friend. I have no problem with this - I still managed to get my fair share of dates. One of these friends and I got quite close over the past year and a half, and it was through him that I met my current boyfriend. I thought everything was going all right, but around three months into our relationship, I started getting that oh-so-delightful "smothered" feeling, and I told the boyfriend (hereon known as "Fred") that I needed some air. Being the sweet and kind person he is, "Fred" acquiesced and things started running on an even keel. Or so I thought. Ever since (for about the last three months), I've been noticing a gradual dissatisfaction with everything in the relationship, even though I do care for "Fred". He's two and a half years younger than me (I'm 22, and that's a huge gap at our ages), he doesn't seem to understand me half the time, even when I try to communicate everything clearly. He just needs to grow up a little, and I knew that coming into it - not that it helps. I'm not IN love with him, and I don't know that I ever was, but it is an emotion stronger than friendship.

 

In the meantime, the friend who got us together has been just awesome - very supportive, knows when to shut up and when to listen, and able to commiserate on relationship snafus because he's had his share. He knows all about my side and has tried to be as neutral as possible because otherwise he'd be caught in the crossfire, being both of our ("Fred's" and my) best friend. Good, good man. Well, we have a ritual that we go out for a drink every once and a while to catch up. Last night, we both got a little hammered, and out of nowhere, he, who has never expressed anything for me besides platonic friendship, throws out that he could fall in love with me. That he could marry me. That we fit together well in our careers and in life - and that if I would want to start anything with him, I should talk to him.

 

Needless to say, I was a little stunned by this revelation, but I realized that this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Everything he listed, and it was a lot more than I've written was pretty unbiased statements of fact. I also had a horrible realization - everything I like about "Fred" he learned from my friend. They're very close, and my friend is my age, so "Fred" kind of looks up to him.

 

I never thought about this friend in any other way because we'd decided not to screw up a great friendship by going further (this was waaaayy before "Fred"), but now I wonder if it wasn't him I was after the whole time. And poor "Fred" - if I drop him for his best friend, this affectionate, loving, but slightly naive man gets nailed between the eyes. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I'm not going to go and do something rash, but I could use a little help.

 

PLEASE!

[happy girl]

First of all, whether or not you like your best friend, the truth is you're not into Fred. Pretending to be is much worse than dumping him. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want to be with someone who felt this way about you? If you end the relationship with Fred (and I think you should) give yourself sometime before proceeding with the other guy. You might be just into him because you are looking for an excuse to stop seeing Fred. Let your head clear up and then see where things go. GOOD LUCK

So here's the deal: In college, most of my friends were guys, including my best friend. I have no problem with this - I still managed to get my fair share of dates. One of these friends and I got quite close over the past year and a half, and it was through him that I met my current boyfriend. I thought everything was going all right, but around three months into our relationship, I started getting that oh-so-delightful "smothered" feeling, and I told the boyfriend (hereon known as "Fred") that I needed some air. Being the sweet and kind person he is, "Fred" acquiesced and things started running on an even keel. Or so I thought. Ever since (for about the last three months), I've been noticing a gradual dissatisfaction with everything in the relationship, even though I do care for "Fred". He's two and a half years younger than me (I'm 22, and that's a huge gap at our ages), he doesn't seem to understand me half the time, even when I try to communicate everything clearly. He just needs to grow up a little, and I knew that coming into it - not that it helps. I'm not IN love with him, and I don't know that I ever was, but it is an emotion stronger than friendship. In the meantime, the friend who got us together has been just awesome - very supportive, knows when to shut up and when to listen, and able to commiserate on relationship snafus because he's had his share. He knows all about my side and has tried to be as neutral as possible because otherwise he'd be caught in the crossfire, being both of our ("Fred's" and my) best friend. Good, good man. Well, we have a ritual that we go out for a drink every once and a while to catch up. Last night, we both got a little hammered, and out of nowhere, he, who has never expressed anything for me besides platonic friendship, throws out that he could fall in love with me. That he could marry me. That we fit together well in our careers and in life - and that if I would want to start anything with him, I should talk to him.

 

Needless to say, I was a little stunned by this revelation, but I realized that this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Everything he listed, and it was a lot more than I've written was pretty unbiased statements of fact. I also had a horrible realization - everything I like about "Fred" he learned from my friend. They're very close, and my friend is my age, so "Fred" kind of looks up to him. I never thought about this friend in any other way because we'd decided not to screw up a great friendship by going further (this was waaaayy before "Fred"), but now I wonder if it wasn't him I was after the whole time. And poor "Fred" - if I drop him for his best friend, this affectionate, loving, but slightly naive man gets nailed between the eyes. I don't want to hurt anyone, and I'm not going to go and do something rash, but I could use a little help.

 

PLEASE!