maidofhonoragain Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 I know that no one is perfect and that you can't really change a person unless they want to change. But which relationship do you think has a better chance of lasting? Bachelor #1 and his fiance- SO is very irresponsible when it comes to money, he goes through job after job filled with months of unemployment. He changes his mind about a career direction constantly. One day he wants to be a mechanic, then next week he wants to be a police officer. He never follows thru on any of his dreams. Fiance has to work to pay all bills. She used to have perfect credit, be responsible, but now is on medication for depression, creditors are hounding everyone in her family. SO stresses her out by not working. His fiance is much like his mother, cooking, cleaning for him even though he's not working. She resents him at times but needs the emotional support as she doesn't seem to get any from her family. But SO is very emotionally supportive and affectionate to her. He is always there for her and very attentive to her emotional needs. Except that the fiance wants to move closer to her friends and family and SO won't hear of it (even though he has no ties (job) to the area they live in now. Is there any hope that he'll become responsible and actually keeping a job for some period of time if he finds what he likes to do? He has unrealistic plans but he's a very nice guy and very charasmatic and charming. Everyone loves him so they overlook his lack of stability and direction. Bachelor #2 Is very responsible. He has perfect credit, his own home, cars etc. He doesn't make a ton of money but is a very hard worker. He is very stable and would be a good family provider. His fiance loves him but feels there is an emotional connection lacking. There are also trust issues in the relationship as SO #2 has a habit of saying one thing and doing another to avoid arguments. He doesn't like conflict and is emotionally unavailable at times. SO is emotinally lacking, he is affectionate to her but he doesn't really share his thoughts and feelings with anyone. He is open with his feelings about others (his family) but doesn't share much info about his own feelings. He is also a workaholic who puts work before anyone else including his fiance. He can be emotionally supportive at times and other times completely the opposite. When he gets angry because he doesnt' like to argue he will make blanket statements about how horrible women are in general. Neither SO is abusive, or has any substance abuse problems. Both are from 2 parent families who are both still married. Both are from families of 3 children (one is a twin). I know the obvious answer would be for no woman to mary either of this men but which is the greater evil? Lack of responsibility/money problems or lack of emotional support/ openess? Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 I don't think there is a "correct" answer to this one. Different people need different things in their relationships. Either of these relationships could work for some woman, but not for the other. In addition, there is no "perfect" relationship or perfect man. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 Gosh, that's a tough one! I agree with Bab. With the RIGHT woman either of these guys can have a good marriage. I couldn't be with either of them myself. I've thought and thought about it and I can't even say which is worse. They would BOTH be deal breakers for me. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 The one with the bigger d*ck Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 The one with the bigger d*ck I was going to ask if one of them were better in bed...... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 I'm going to give the edge to Bachelor #2, primarily because #1 has her depressed, on medication, and with creditors hounding her and her family...that's a bit much, no matter how 'emotionally supportive' he might be. #2 seems to have his act together and no one is on medication. The support and conflict resolution ssues can be worked out through better communication and/or marriage counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
kulyok Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 I'd ask both guys to have their heads examined: marrying a woman who is choosing between two guys _at the point of marriage_. It's not dating, it's not a casual fling - it is marriage we are talking about, and she is choosing between two live people much like a kid would choose between Mars and Bounty chocolate bars. There's no talk of love there. Link to post Share on other sites
maidofhonoragain Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 I'd ask both guys to have their heads examined: marrying a woman who is choosing between two guys _at the point of marriage_. It's not dating, it's not a casual fling - it is marriage we are talking about, and she is choosing between two live people much like a kid would choose between Mars and Bounty chocolate bars. There's no talk of love there. Sorry, I didn't quite make myself clear. This isn't one woman choosing between two men. These are two separate relationships and I was just wondering which one had a greater chance of divorce or which one's problems could be more easily overcome. The bachelor #1 is my sister's fiance. THey are getting married next summer. Bachelor #2 is my close friend's husband-to-be. I've never been in a relationship where my SO wasn't responsible, didn't have a job etc. So that is a deal breaker for me. I'm not sure how my sister can deal with it. I have been in a relationship similiar to my friend's with #2. The guy I dated was not big on expressing his feelings. It was a very lonely relationship. So I'm not sure I could deal with that again either. I just wondered what some opinions were on who may have the "best" marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
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