Second thoughts on break-up

[Pooch]

I broke up with my girlfriend of a year and a half last night. Now I am doubting myself as to whether I made the right decision or not. We love each other, but for a while now I have been wondering whether I'd be happier with someone else (I'm 30, she's 20). I know this is a significant age difference, but for the most part she is very mature for her age.

 

She has been very jealous of girls who she imagines I'm interested in, even though I would never cheat on her. This has been building up, with every encounter between me and another girl (even co-workers) meaning something--in her imagination. Two nights ago, we got in an argument and she called me a nasty name and freaked out when I got up to leave. She was hysterically yanking at her hair and bawling and begging me to stay. I was, naturally, very freaked out. I stayed overnight because i was afraid she'd harm herself.

 

I told her last night that to go on, I thought she should seek some kind of counseling (I told her I would partcipate, too, if needed). She refused, saying it wouldn't work. So I broke up w/ her because I didn't see anything getting better. Now I have doubts. I miss her and want to see her. I know it's only been a day, but perhaps I made a mistake. Should I stick to my guns and ride out the hurt, or should I give her another chance?

 

Thanks for your time.

[clia]

Personally, I think that part of her behavior stems from the age difference. I know you say she's very mature, but I think younger girls have a tendency to not be as sure of themselves, and are thus more prone to petty jealousy.

 

You need to at least give the gut feel you had last night a chance. Of course you miss her now and have doubts--a year and a half is a long time, and it's a huge life change to suddenly have that person out of your life. That said, you don't sound like the kind of person who would dump her without reason. You had a reason last night. Please remind yourself of it. Try to give yourself at least a couple of weeks to think things over, no matter how much it hurts. If you break up with her and then immediately go running back, you will be setting a precedent. Look at it this way: if you stand your ground, it may inspire her to go and get some counseling. If you don't, she won't see any reason to, and things will continue as they are. But I think you should stick to your guns, at least for a few weeks.

[Tony T]

Don't stay in a relationship out of obligation or because you're afraid what the other person may do to themselves.

 

No matter who you break up with, there are always doubts, second thoughts, etc. But those pass. There was a very good reason you broke up with her, unless you're nuts and you sound pretty level headed. People just don't break up for nothing.

 

As in any major move, you should always give such a thing long, hard consideration. I'm assuming you had been thinking of this alternative for a while.

 

Be decisive and act decisively. Stick to your guns but do a lot of hard thinking. After the passing of time, if you feel you can't live without this lady, by all means call her and see if she wants to get back with you.

 

By the way, age has nothing to do with it...but maturity does. If she's still a child, your relationship hasn't got a chance. You need to go out with someone who has grown up.

[velvet]

If you do give her a second chance the tantrums wont stop. I would give her about two years before she grows out of it. Its up to you, how to control them. When the tempers happen, you have to step in as a father figure.

 

Only time will help her. If she cant control them herself then tell her she needs to have a doctor treat it if she wants you to stay in the r/s.

 

 

 

Don't stay in a relationship out of obligation or because you're afraid what the other person may do to themselves. No matter who you break up with, there are always doubts, second thoughts, etc. But those pass. There was a very good reason you broke up with her, unless you're nuts and you sound pretty level headed. People just don't break up for nothing.

 

As in any major move, you should always give such a thing long, hard consideration. I'm assuming you had been thinking of this alternative for a while. Be decisive and act decisively. Stick to your guns but do a lot of hard thinking. After the passing of time, if you feel you can't live without this lady, by all means call her and see if she wants to get back with you. By the way, age has nothing to do with it...but maturity does. If she's still a child, your relationship hasn't got a chance. You need to go out with someone who has grown up.