Mz. Pixie Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Him: <getting frisky> Her: "Oh God - you don't want sex now, do you?" Him: "Um .. well yes, I mean .." Her: "Look - I'm tired!" [A minute of silence while she continues reading her magazine] Him: "What's the matter? It's been over 3 weeks? Is there something wrong?" Her: <Rolling her eyes> "No .. I'm just tired. I had to teach 2 classes this morning, I had to wake up at 6 AM, then I picked up the kids from school, then I had to meet so and so for coffee at Starbucks, and I've been driving all day and I just want to relax. OK? And besides - it hasn't been 3 weeks. You always exaggerate." Him: "It has been at least three weeks ..! Is there anything we can do?" Her: "Yes, I want to get away from this house. Let's go to the Ritz and get a suite overnight. We can have wild sex there!" Him: "Great - I'll book it for this weekend!" Her: "No - not this weekend, we're having the Joneses over for dinner, remember? I told you last week! You never listen to me!" Him: "Ok .. how about the week after?" Her: "No - I have a Pilates seminar to go to- I told you, and the week after we have that thing at the Smiths' house,. I bet you forgot , too. Maybe in October we can do it". Him: "I see .." Her: "Anyway, I have to go to bed now - goodnight" Him: "Honey, this just isn't going to work .." Her: "I'm too tired - can we talk about it tomorrow?" That was the usual conversation at my home. You guys are stereotyping based on your experience. It doesn't mean that all women are the same way or that all men are the same way. I asked the basic questions so I could get a more complete picture of what's going on because damn, it CAN go on in some marriages. I would have given anything for my exhusband to even lift a finger to please me the way some of you guys knock yourself out for your wives. But he refused to do so. NOT EVERY MAN DOES WHAT IT TAKES ANY MORE THAN NOT EVERY WIFE DOES WHAT IT TAKES!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Oh and by the way- he promised to change all the time too- and to try to do things for me of a romantic nature that I wanted. Not flowers or gifts or trips just actually touching me every now and then or giving me a kiss instead of freezing out in front of the TV. Not to much to ask. Like it's not too much to ask for your spouse to stay home the weekend you find out your child might have Down's Syndrome but he couldn't do that either. He would change for about two weeks and then he'd be back to his selfish self. So don't bother trying to say all women are the same, they are not. Link to post Share on other sites
Hard2Think Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 I wasn't suggesting that at all. Seriously. I know a couple of friends of mine that have wives that show them affection after years of marriage. I'm envious sometimes. The other day, I caught one grabbing her hubby's ass real quick . It's those small gestures that mean so much. Oh and by the way- he promised to change all the time too- and to try to do things for me of a romantic nature that I wanted. Not flowers or gifts or trips just actually touching me every now and then or giving me a kiss instead of freezing out in front of the TV. Not to much to ask. Like it's not too much to ask for your spouse to stay home the weekend you find out your child might have Down's Syndrome but he couldn't do that either. He would change for about two weeks and then he'd be back to his selfish self. So don't bother trying to say all women are the same, they are not. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 this is a classic example of another married man getting the short end of the stick. there really are not very many valid reasons for a man getting married. Link to post Share on other sites
Author difficultposition Posted September 8, 2006 Author Share Posted September 8, 2006 You seem to have experiences what I'm going through, How did it end up for you. What was the result. Funny but your right, only the missionary position , nothing more. No oral sex, nothing, it's the equivalent of just get it done. Link to post Share on other sites
CynicalP Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 I am curious what other men think. For me, I would be prefectly happy with just a BJ or a hand job a couple times a week. It's enough sexual contact that would keep me happy and would suggest my wife cares enough about me and the relationship to maintain a minimum amount of sexual intimacy. Link to post Share on other sites
ddw5195 Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 My wife and I have been married for 20 years. We have 2 lovely kids 5 and 11. We never have had a great sex life but now it is non-existent. Once a month if I'm lucky. I have brought this up that my needs are not being met, she is always tired. She says she will try to change but the yawning continues. I still lover her but am feeling like I'm wasting the best years of my life, I'm now 44. I've told here that I end up masterbating, she doesn't seem to care or make any effort to change the frequency of our sex life. I've talked about counseling to here, here reply "you make the appointment but I'm not talking about sex to anyone". I'm considering leaving be worried about the kids. I don't want to put them through a divorce. So, what do I do, The woman has no sex drive, it's completely gone. dont really have any advice except I am 32 and husband is 36 and we have a 5 year old and have been married and together for 18 yrs. I was 15 when we meet and he was 19 I married him right out of high school. be lucky that you are getting it once a month!!! that would be a blessful heaven. I probly get it 2 a year. he has the issues not me. I do want to tel you though I saw on a show once that was concerning sex or no sex. it said that women that have young children between the ages newborn to 10 or 12 or when they are not so dependent taht the sex life droops alot because before children thier was desire to be wanted and loved and touched etc. but when women have children and the children are in constant need and are in constant grabing and loving and tugging on mom this desire is meet. no way in a bad means but the desire of beeing needed and wanted is meet along witht he pawing of little hands so it most cases this is an action of less sex for the spouse. you know I hate it cause I am not that way and is confusing for the husband to be that way but we have far worse issues than just the sex it is like living with a roomate. he has serious issues of needing to chang cause I have relized that he does not love himself therefore he cannot love me. if I got into all what is going on I would be here for days but I will tell you this. I love my husband and would never leave because of the issue of sex. it is terrible and I am suffering but my love is more and I came from a broken home and cannot bare the thought of my child going through a bid"D" because I am not sexualy satisfied. However, I am in the numb stage of our relationship and my daughter does not see us fight but the chapter is about to come to an end and the big "D" is about to happen weather I want it to or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 My wife and I have been married for 20 years. We have 2 lovely kids 5 and 11. We never have had a great sex life but now it is non-existent. Once a month if I'm lucky. I have brought this up that my needs are not being met, she is always tired. She says she will try to change but the yawning continues. I still lover her but am feeling like I'm wasting the best years of my life, I'm now 44. I've told here that I end up masterbating, she doesn't seem to care or make any effort to change the frequency of our sex life. I've talked about counseling to here, here reply "you make the appointment but I'm not talking about sex to anyone". I'm considering leaving be worried about the kids. I don't want to put them through a divorce. So, what do I do, The woman has no sex drive, it's completely gone. Does your wife know just how deeply this is effecting you? Maybe if she knew you were on the brink of thinking of other options, such as leaving, she might make an effort. At least, one would hope so. All in all, I can understand why you feel the way you do. And I don't think she is thinking about you enough or making the effort she should and that isn't fair to you. I think you need to sit down with her and have it out and tell her just how seriously this is an issue for you. If she decides she still doesn't want to make the effort, leaving your wife is better then being unhappy. You can still be a part of your kids life and it is probably much better for them to have a happy father then an unhappy one. Although, I really hope she takes your concerns seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
napoleandynamite Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 I empathize with you. I am a 27 year old, may I mention, recently MARRIED woman, and our sex life was never that spectacular, even from the begining! I'm sure this may sound odd, because I'm the woman and he's the man, and here I am hoping for more sex! Unfortunetly, I'm not alone. My sister has the same problem with her husband and so do other female friends of ours. I guess regardless of what gender the person is, a low sex drive could be to blame. Some people have high drives, others low (and in between!). As a couple, it sounds you are not sexually compatible, as there are some men out there who are satisfied with once a month. Don't worry though-it's not the end of the world and there is no need to end your marriage...but believe me, I know why you feel that way. Sex IS important, and for those with high/higher sex drives, lack there of can sure make the relationship take a nose dive. Why don't you try new things in bed with her? Maybe there is something she would love which she never told you about? Try a different approach and see what happens. And askingyour spouse to give you "more sex" can be a lousy approach (yes, although I say this, I have certainly done it!). By doing that, you make your spouse think they are not able to satisfy you sexually. People like to feel like they are a sexual turn on and can be satisfying. Trust me, it's harder being a woman asking your hubby of only 3 months that you need sex more often. So try new things. See what happens. If it makes you feel any better, the longest my husband and I never had sex was 5 months (out of our 6 yr relationship altogether). This was due to stress, relationship problems,etc. My husband and I have sex 1-3X a month on a regular basis (nothing great, huh?). And my sis could tell 'ya she'd be thrilled to get sex once a month! you don't have it THAT bad...trust me. Good luck & hope all goes well:) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 Having just gone through the year from hell in my marriage and a hell of a lot of counseling, I can tell all of you that the problems in the bedroom aren't just lack of desire for sex. There's more going on between you and your spouse than just a lack of interest. If your spouse won't go for counseling, get yourself in there and learn how to deal with the issues, not just the lack of sex. Lack of sex is only a symptom of something deeper. I know from experience and I know that once those issues are brought to the surface, worked on and forgiven, things can and will get better. Take a long hard look at yourself before blaming your spouse. Been there, done that and it didn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 I'm considering leaving be worried about the kids. I don't want to put them through a divorce. So, what do I do, The woman has no sex drive, it's completely gone.Don't just consider it, start planning it. Talk to a lawyer. Organize your finances. Think about what you can pay in child support. Start thinking about where you'll live. Make sure you both have credit cards in your names. ("Honey, you really should have credit established in your name in case something happened to me...") Take care of any home repairs... If this process makes you feel better (it did me) set a date in your mind and count the days down to your freedom!!! Link to post Share on other sites
reddog63 Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 I think MEN would do better to grow bigger balls. We take to much crap from women. This has to do with the feminization of society. Lets all just get more practical...............wife doesnt find it important enough to have sex with hubby no matter how many times he trys to explain it as a problem..........then f in leave. No more.........treat her better or maybe it is medical or bring her flowers.........life is too short. And yes, I am generalizing, and it does not fit every situation..........but so what. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 Think about what you can pay in child support. Actually this rate is usually a set amount by the state. It's not about what you think you can pay unless the two of you negotiate this up front and agree to more or less than is the state rate. Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 Actually this rate is usually a set amount by the state. It's not about what you think you can pay unless the two of you negotiate this up front and agree to more or less than is the state rate. True, Virginia has an on-line calculator even. To me, it seemed a bit low though and the amount does have to come into your planning. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 True, Virginia has an on-line calculator even. To me, it seemed a bit low though and the amount does have to come into your planning. That may be after certain other things are taken into consideration such as half of all daycare expenses. Certain states have provisions for that too. Link to post Share on other sites
napoleandynamite Posted September 21, 2006 Share Posted September 21, 2006 I think MEN would do better to grow bigger balls. We take to much crap from women. This has to do with the feminization of society. Lets all just get more practical...............wife doesnt find it important enough to have sex with hubby no matter how many times he trys to explain it as a problem..........then f in leave. No more.........treat her better or maybe it is medical or bring her flowers.........life is too short. And yes, I am generalizing, and it does not fit every situation..........but so what. Hey, Reddog, not all men think like you. I mean, not all men seem to need sex that bad...unless it's just the one I'm married to and the others I have dated in the past. Never had the joy of meeting a man who just wanted sex. Men seem to NEVER want sex, I think women are FAR MORE NEEDY than MEN when it comes to SEX! Where are these men who want sex all the time??????? I need to find one and FAST! God bless men who are like you! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 22, 2006 Share Posted September 22, 2006 Where are these men who want sex all the time??????? I need to find one and FAST! God bless men who are like you! Oh, napoleandynamite, don't tempt me like that! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
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