Introduced As Friend

[GrayCloud]

This is my first post so, I feel funny. I just don't know what to do.

 

There is this woman I met eight years ago. We were good friends. She has this wonderful daughter, who at the time was only a few years old. We lost touch twice. First time wasn't so bad or for so long a period of time. The second time was my doing. She met someone, and the spinless guy I was didn't express anything that I felt deep down. I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle someone else being there. I couldn't handle being Just Friends indefinetly. The hardest part was watching someone take the father figure position I'd slipped into. The little girl and I were well bonded for her father was not around. Being unable to handle any of this, I stopped keeping in touch and avoided the whole matter, calls and messages.

 

Four years pass. As it is, dating is hard for me and there is few and far inbetween. I am a misfit in its world. A few scattered dates during this time were unsatisfactory. At some point I decided, to hell with it. Who cares. I was depressed but, I went from depressed to lithargic. Feeling unable to care one way or the other about dating. Complacency settled in on that and I was neither depressed nor happy without expectation. Not a warm feeling to be sure but at least not a cold feeling. For a very long time I'd not experienced a very strong emotion.

 

Recently this woman has contacted me. She isn't with anyone right now. I never thought I'd feel the feelings again that I had for her. I never thought I could miss her so. We have been spending alot of time together. We've smooched. We are not alot alike. We are enough alike where I understand her often if something bothers her. Otherwise I like to do very different things. Despite that, I really am so glad to see her. To me this is a second chance to express more freely.

 

It has only been two months or so since and last night someone she knows asked if she was my girlfriend. I did not know how to answer so I just let the question hang in the air, until the obvious. As I figured, she'd confirm this and as I expected the answer was 'friend'.

 

If it were anyone else, I wouldn't care. I'd just flip a switch and go back to my lonely life within a short amount of time. With this one, I can't. She sends my emotions soaring high and is unlike no one else. I'd miss her now even more for alot longer amount of time if her and I parted ways. I just can't imagine a day coming to say goodbye. And I'd have to, for I cannot be just friends forever with her. I could not do that and later on be seeing someone else (If that ever happens)

 

Even at my age I know so little about dating. I understand so little of relationships of romance. And most of all I do not understand those who kiss but claim only friendship. It makes no sense to me. I am conflicted between my passionate self and logical self. I know exactly what it is I am feeling. I'm never without understanding how I feel. It is what do I do with those feelings?

 

I have gone from a placid existance to all the above and just do not understand enough to finalize a decision.

 

Help.

[norajane]

It has only been two months or so since and last night someone she knows asked if she was my girlfriend. I did not know how to answer so I just let the question hang in the air, until the obvious. As I figured, she'd confirm this and as I expected the answer was 'friend'.

 

Dude - this was your cue to tell her that you'd like her to be your girlfriend!!!!

 

She answered because you didn't, and she wasn't going to say girlfriend when you hadn't yet defined your relationship between you. You're kissing and hanging out all the time! You need to tell her - go, pick up the phone NOW, make a date and then when you see her, tell her how you feel about her. Or tell her on the phone. Whatever, whenever, don't wait anymore!

[DaNziNgQuEeN1]

Have you told her how you truly feel? Have you told her that you love her and that you want to be more than just friends? If you have and you two have kissed but yet she still introduces you as her 'friend' then she probably doesn't want to be your girlfriend. She might not want a serious commitment but she still spends the time with you because she wants companionship and romance. I say you two should have a serious talk about this whole situation so that neither of you are clouded in mystery about what exactly your relationship to each other is and how each one of you truly feels for the other. Good luck!