Wife is horrible in bed

[bpax275]

Me and my wife have been married for over a year and a half. We didn't have sex until after marriage but did some foreplay. At the beginning of our marriage I was just happy to have sex whether it was bad or not. How ever the past 6-9 months have been horrible.

She only wants sex about once every 2-3 weeks and its usually 3 o'clock in the morning after I we fall asleep at 10 and I have to be at work in 4 hours to pull a 12 hour shift. Or she will wait till I have to go the store or go to college making it seem like I don'r want to have sex. This to me is really unfair.

Even more recently however I don't even want sex anymore. She doesn't do any fore play, any suprises, or anything interesting. It is basically her saying," Do you wanna?" Then a walk to the back room, lights off, me going down on her, me being on top, her being to shy to make noises or to do anything to show apreciaition, one long moan at climax and if I haven't went I gotta finish myself off because she is tired.

I have tried reading books, buying toys, outfits, suggesting ideas, sex games, different positions, and yes sitting down and just telling her.

She thinks the sex is outstanding and it doesn't need improvement. What do you think? What would you do?

[norajane]

You're the poster couple for why people don't wait until after they're married to have sex.

 

She thinks the sex is outstanding. What does she say when you tell her that YOU don't think it's outstanding and have stopped wanting to have sex with her at all? Doesn't she want it to be outstanding for you, too?

 

How's the rest of your marriage? Do you have other problems outside the sex arena? Are you good at communicating about other problems? How do you resolve other issues that come up where you disagree? Are there religious issues where she might think sex is dirty or bad? Can you get her a subscription to Cosmo?

 

Maybe if you tell her that you're so unhappy with your sex life that you feel the need for marital counseling, she'll realize that you're serious about this?

[Pink Amulet]

Can I just say... if she is just lying there motionless, and mute, it is unlikely she is then all of a sudden overcome with a groundbreaking orgasm resulting in a "long moan".

 

I venture to guess she thinks it is as crap as you do.

[taubenweg]

Can I just say... if she is just lying there motionless, and mute, it is unlikely she is then all of a sudden overcome with a groundbreaking orgasm resulting in a "long moan".

 

I venture to guess she thinks it is as crap as you do.

 

:laugh:

[Walk]

Yeah, but if this is all she knows about sex then as long as she comes she's going to think its okay. Its like, if you only ever ate noodles with no sauce, you'd think it was good... until that day you had noodles WITH sauce.. Then you have a comparison.

 

Does she have a comparison?

[Walk]

I think there might be two issues going on here. One, she's inexperienced with sex. Two, is repressed about sex, or feels guilty about expressing herself through sex.

 

Do you two talk about sex out side of the bedroom? Do you tell her your ideas, thoughts, fantasies? Maybe she's clueless about sex, and thinks the wham bam thank you ma'am is the epitomy of sex.

 

My bf bought me a great book.. Can't remember the name now, but found it at Barns and nobels in the "self help sex" section. It was written by women detailing out their sexual fantasies. There was a huge serious of them. But it actually helped make me feel more comfortable in having sexual fantasies and acting on them. It's one thing to think others have these thoughts, another to read about it. Maybe you two could read a couple chapters together and see where that leads.

 

Make a point to re-introduce sex back into your communciation as well as your activities. It takes a lot of effort, but worth the results.

[Touche]

Maybe she just prefers noodles without sauce?

 

Ok, sorry bp. How about if you tell her that the next time you want it when and how YOU want it. That it's YOUR turn. It's only fair.

[Buttaflyy]

Can I just say... if she is just lying there motionless, and mute, it is unlikely she is then all of a sudden overcome with a groundbreaking orgasm resulting in a "long moan".

 

I venture to guess she thinks it is as crap as you do.

 

I disagree PA. I think that she's inexperienced and doesn't know really what to expect and as he said prolly too shy to be vocal. To her it prolly is great! She has nothing to compare it to.

[Brittanyjean06]

Inexperienced, perfect. I really shoulden't be as volger to say about my experiences since I am not too experienced but lets just say I did have a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and I didn't have anything to compare too. I was very insecure in that relationship so maybe that explains why I was " motionless" not as in too the sex as he was. I kind of just wanted to lay there, maybe it was out of laziness.

[Brittanyjean06]

Inexperienced, perfect. I really shoulden't be as volger to say about my experiences since I am not too experienced but lets just say I did have a boyfriend for 2 1/2 years and I didn't have anything to compare too. I was very insecure in that relationship so maybe that explains why I was " motionless" not as in too the sex as he was. I kind of just wanted to lay there, maybe it was out of laziness.

 

 

Everyone has alot of sexual bizzare fantasies? whos willing enough to feel comfortable enough to act upon them? Just curious!

[BuckeyeBabe]

She definitely sounds inexperienced and unsure, but I would like to throw out another option. If she does not initiate often, picks bad times, and does not reciprocate, that sounds like a plan to fail! It's as if she she is trying to make it as unenjoyable as possible for you. ( Unless of course she really just doesn't know any better ) Is the rest of the marriage in good standing?

[Brittanyjean06]

If the sex is bad, than I'm guessing the other things in the marriage are kind of stale? Doesn't it take one need to make another need? Well I'm sure shes not intentionally trying to make the sex bad, nor is she really fixated on it as much as you are. She probally doesn't see the problem with it and thinks that the sex you two have is as good as it gets. ^^ " having nothing to compare to". Talk to her about it, make the initiative to bring new things to your sex life. Sex toys some lube haha Just bring sex up as much as possible maybe you'll catch her in a fiesty mood

[Buttaflyy]

She definitely sounds inexperienced and unsure, but I would like to throw out another option. If she does not initiate often, picks bad times, and does not reciprocate, that sounds like a plan to fail! It's as if she she is trying to make it as unenjoyable as possible for you. ( Unless of course she really just doesn't know any better ) Is the rest of the marriage in good standing?

 

yeah good point. I was thinking that too, she makes no effort to change things and is kind of selfish about it. I think she is inhibited about sex overall. She probably doesn't know better and is too inhibited to change anything. She has to change her views of sex in order to fix this.

[blind_otter]

get a copy of the kama sutra. Read it.

 

People always joke about this, but my copy doesn't even have illustrations, OK? The written content of the book is great. Not just sex, but foreplay and different kinds of intercourse.

 

When I was a young, inexperienced girl of 19 I happened to be involved with one or two older men who took control of the situation...to be honest, I don't think I had the opportunity to just lay there.

[bpax275]

I am her first so she does not have any experience but me. I know I am good because I have experience. I can get her to scream my name and shake all over and go completely numb head to toe. But everytime I do that is just like any other time, I get c average enjoyment tops and its been a while since it's been even that. I do talk about it as much as I can without being seen as one minded. There is more in this marriage then just that. We both work and go to school. But I work 60 hours versus her 20, I go to school 20 hours a week versus her 5. I should be the one struggling to please her. But its the complete opposite. I have so much stress and I just want some sexuall healing. She has no excuse other than lack of experience. She brags to her friends all the time. I know because when I ask them for some help on this issue they explain to me that Austin feels that sex is outstanding and the best feeling ever.

 

Also... she is very in secure. At least once or twice a month she accuses me of talking to a girl behind her back or watching porn or flirting too much. I don't have time for talking behind her back, and I wouldn't anyways. I don't watch porn anymore because I promised I would stop after we were married, which sucks because I thought sex with her would be worth quitting. Either way I have stopped to keep my promise to her. The flirting thing is all in her head and she has gotten me to the point where the only time I talk is to her friends when she is around and even then she might accuse me after they leave. All I want is a good sex life with my wife but I feel hopeless all the time. I feel unwanted and un appreciated all the time. Before we were married everything was perfect. After the wedding and a couple weeks that all changed fast and I have been struggling to fix it ever since and I am on my last piece of patience.

[bpax275]

I am her first so she does not have any experience but me. I know I am good because I have experience. I can get her to scream my name and shake all over and go completely numb head to toe. But everytime I do that is just like any other time, I get c average enjoyment tops and its been a while since it's been even that. I do talk about it as much as I can without being seen as one minded. There is more in this marriage then just that. We both work and go to school. But I work 60 hours versus her 20, I go to school 20 hours a week versus her 5. I should be the one struggling to please her. But its the complete opposite. I have so much stress and I just want some sexuall healing. She has no excuse other than lack of experience. She brags to her friends all the time. I know because when I ask them for some help on this issue they explain to me that Austin feels that sex is outstanding and the best feeling ever.

 

Also... she is very in secure. At least once or twice a month she accuses me of talking to a girl behind her back or watching porn or flirting too much. I don't have time for talking behind her back, and I wouldn't anyways. I don't watch porn anymore because I promised I would stop after we were married, which sucks because I thought sex with her would be worth quitting. Either way I have stopped to keep my promise to her. The flirting thing is all in her head and she has gotten me to the point where the only time I talk is to her friends when she is around and even then she might accuse me after they leave. All I want is a good sex life with my wife but I feel hopeless all the time. I feel unwanted and un appreciated all the time. Before we were married everything was perfect. After the wedding and a couple weeks that all changed fast and I have been struggling to fix it ever since and I am on my last piece of patience.

[Walk]

I don't think I was comfortable with sex til I hit my late 20's, early 30's.

 

Actually, I had a couple reasons for why I wasn't too into sex. But I HATED foreplay. I'd skip it. My ex kissed like a friggin' vacuum. Foreplay didn't turn me on, so I didn't see a reason for it.. I always got horny when he left. Or when he wasn't around. I wasn't very vocal during sex, and especially didn't offer alternatives or suggest change.

 

Figured out that it's really really hard to offer ideas if you don't have any about what you like. And I think that's what is really the problem here.

 

I started to not like sex because my ex didn't turn me on. He was too harsh, too demanding, too "get r done." I was WAY too embarressed to tell him that what he was doing wasn't working. (he was pretty inexperienced too) Embarresed the hell out of me to even say he should move up, down, whatever. Basically, I left him in the dark and then I wasn't happy with the results. Not fair to him.. but oh well. that's life I guess.

 

Anyway... my bf's great regarding my 'issues'. Keeps reassuring me he wants direction, wants me to tell him what feels good, wants me to be more vocal, etc.. I think it's really helped me overcome a lot of the embarressment.

 

Maybe you could try that with your wife. Plan on it taking a year or so.. but keep reassuring her that you want to know what goes on in her head, what feels good, want her to express more interest in pleasing you, and want her to experiement more with things she may like. Even if they don't work out. But reassurance might help her come out of her shell.

 

Or get her a vibrator, and tell her to go to town with it.

[blind_otter]

Before we were married everything was perfect. After the wedding and a couple weeks that all changed fast and I have been struggling to fix it ever since and I am on my last piece of patience.

 

Well you guys need to work on this issue together. Be open and honest, communicate your needs CLEARLY (this is the issue, a lot of people communicate. Hell, everyone communicates. But very very few people do so in a manner that clearly indicates where they currently are, how they feel right now, where they would like to be, and ideas on how to achieve that goal).

 

It's utterly useless to say to your W "I'm not happy with our sex life"....you really have to go to her with some details. What exactly are you unhappy about? What would you like to do, in addition?

 

Also, maybe you guys should watch some porn -- TOGETHER.

 

The older men I dated when I first started having sex, and even the ones my age, introduced me to porn and I learned a lot. I approached it like I would approach studying for an exam, -- but it's a great visual aid and idea generator.

[JadeStar]

I say look a little further into why shes accussing you. Sure it might be from insecurity but theres a chance it might be another reason for her accusations.

 

 

 

Jade

[Guest]

I think she loves you but sex is difficult...maybe you both have issues. Whatever you do don't be horrible or critical. Tell her you love her. Be affectionate without sex. Cuddle her & kiss her without an agenda. Let her set the pace. Be patient. She will respond.

[Guest]

In every relationship there are two kinds, the Teacher and the Student. You know for this reason you are the Teacher therefore you're wife needs you to show her the way you WANT it. Actually this is the perfect opportunity for you to mold her to the way you want because of her lack of knowledge with sex. You just have to teach her or even just guide her. If you want something done a certain way you have to lead since you're the one with experience. Be patient your wife wants to be with you or else she would have not married you. She saved her virginity for the man she want's to be for the rest of her life, which is YOU. Remember when you first had sex and how most likely you were'nt the greatest and till to this day you are still in the learning process as everybody is. She is just innocent she just needs to come out of her shell and then maybe someday you'll be the saying pls. STOP I can't handle it anymore =). Your lucky you hit her first now a days you have to worry about how many guys went through her (you'll probably loose count.)

 

Ask her if she'll see some XXX with you, that might open her up a bit.

 

Good luck!!

 

Xana

[InTheMachine]

MY WIFE IS HORRIBLE IN BED!

 

No she isn't! She's pretty good, actually. A solid 8.5. Maybe even a 9.0 after a couple of Fuzzy Navels.

 

 

She thinks the sex is outstanding and it doesn't need improvement.

 

That is not what she told me. She mentioned the word 'limp' a lot. And halitosis. Not sure where she was going with that.

 

 

I am her first so she does not have any experience but me.

 

Hmm. Okay. Right. Hey, I have some beachfront property you may be interested in. It's in Yuma, Arizona. Great views of the Brooklyn Bridge. Gimme a call.

 

 

I know I am good because I have experience

 

Sure. Because most people who spout a line like this are as good as they think they are. Of course. Listen, I'll actually throw that bridge in for you, cheap. What do you say? Trust me. I know I'm good at bridge sales. I have experience.

 

 

I can get her to scream my name and shake all over and go completely numb head to toe.

 

So when exactly did she go from lying there motionless, emitting a single anti-climactic moan, to suddenly screaming your name and going numb? Interesting change-up in the story, don't you think? It does sound better this way.

 

But personally I would have been much more impressed if you'd said you could make her meow like a kitten. Now that's talent. Roar.

[HokeyReligions]

Ask her what her mother told her about sex. She could be projecting a different generations' idologies about it. I did that with my husband. I was always told that men are happy to have sex and that was it - I didn't need to do anything. I know different and I want different, but maybe she's got whatever her mother said to her locked in her mind and doesn't understand that he needs to be an active participant, not a passive participant.

[bpax275]

Machine immaturity of your remarks match a broken down jackass who hangs around highschools trying to score. Everytime someone like you has smart remarks during a discussion like this you show what a dumb a** you really are. Your advice is about as helpful as a nurse with down syndrome. I mean who are you to say such things to me like your 'cool' or something. Don't you have a sophmore highschool slut to hit on or do you finally realize what a low life s*** head you really are? I am through with you...f*** off.

[RecordProducer]

bpax, I find your case very interesting. She likes the sex, but not you. She doesn't need foreplay, but you seem to seek "extreme" paths to excite yourself - things that so many of us never do or even think about.

 

The foreplay, I agree, would add some spice. But sex should be great even without it, especially if it happens rarely, especially for a new couple, especially for men, and especially when you have never had sex before (or at least not too often).

 

Your wife orgasms regularly, but you need extra time. It's usually the opposite: the woman needs a foreplay and extra time to climax, especially if she is inexperienced. Are you sure you were her first?

 

I wonder why you can't find satisfaction and take more initiation in the "regular" sexual activities, not by suggesting various games. In other words, why is vanilla sex boring and non-satisfying for you?

 

Are you sure you're not gay?