ex b/f ,

[Jen]

My ex and i have been friends for almost 2 years, we talk all the time and have good laughs and crys together. one thing that i made clear was that i was not to get back with him and that i really liked him as a friend.we got along better as friends.

 

anyways one night i left a message for him that i would like it if he could come over as we wereall having a get together. there was couples and non couples. anyways i recieved a call from his g/f saying that he was telling me not to call him again. that i would not take a hint. she really upset me as she was inplying untrue statments. i told her that he was to call me nd if this is what he wanted then i would do this.

 

i heard from him a few days ago, i asked him if he recieved my message he said that he was not aware of this. i asked him if he wished for me to stop calling him, he told me that means it is causing problems he thinks that i should. i want to express my feelings about this to him, however i do not want to call him, i wish to write letter. i stood by him to help him and to hear him through his problems, i helped him get out of a few situations, i helped him obtain visits with his kids. i did this in a friendly manor but now i am shut out because she is insucure of his female friends,

 

ok question, show i write the letter? i am moving back home to edmonton alberta and right now i am living in toronto, ontario, i do not want to write it for the fact that i hope that he anmd i talk again only to express my feelings..

 

think that it is wise? anyone please answer..

 

thank you

[sparkle]

No matter how much you try, it's pretty difficult to have a lasting friendship with your ex. Focus your attention on something else or someone else now. He has an immature girlfriend...but that is not your problem. He'll figure that on his own, and can deal with it on his own.

 

He agreed with you saying you should stop calling him since it's causing problems. Well stop calling him and leave it at that. If he contacts you on his own, then maybe he wants to be friends. But otherwise, in the meantime, get on with your life and forget about him.

[Tony T]

Don't write a letter, just butt out. This guy already knows you're hurt. Don't make a pain or a fool of yourself.

 

I have been exactly where you are. It does hurt. But a romantic relationship will ALWAYS take priority over friendship anyday for most people and you are just going to have to respect that fact.

 

If you cared for him at all as a friend, the greatest love you could possibly show him is to ride softly and proudly into the sunset, celebrating all your days of romance and friendship and treasuring those memories.

 

He made a very major statement by telling you maybe it's best if you don't call him. To me, that includes any kind of contact whatsoever. What he was trying to tell you nicely is that he doesn't want you to interfere in his present relationship. Maybe you didn't hear that part of it...but I am here to tell you.

 

If you're a decent person at all, you love yourself enough to want to carry on without him in a healthy fashion and you'll love him enough not to want to cause further problems.

 

If you must write a letter, by all means sit down and write your heart out. But then tear it up, burn up the pieces of paper or delete the letter from your computer and move on with your life.

 

As hard as it sounds, that's just the way it is. I have dozens of female friends that I love more than life itself but I contact them only on RARE occasions because as a friend I respect the boundaries that are part of a healthy romantic relationship...and as a male friend I must remain outside those boundaries.

 

It simply isn't practical in most cases for a friendship to be retained under these circumstances, althought sometimes it happens...but it's rare.

 

Show yourself to be a mature, evolved human being with a great amount of class...and stay away from this guy...and don't write him.

[Jen]

well he did not say no more contact, he said that it would be best that i do not call because she can get into the answering machine, he did say that we would meet for coffee. i do have respect for myself and i really do love life. i know for a fact that i am not interested in anything to do with this oerson now that i have seen him being sneaky. i wanted to write the letter to express my feelings , yes hurt feelings, yes disapointing feelings, and yes anger. i will not write any letter, i might to myself then yes get rid of it..

 

thank you

Don't write a letter, just butt out. This guy already knows you're hurt. Don't make a pain or a fool of yourself. I have been exactly where you are. It does hurt. But a romantic relationship will ALWAYS take priority over friendship anyday for most people and you are just going to have to respect that fact. If you cared for him at all as a friend, the greatest love you could possibly show him is to ride softly and proudly into the sunset, celebrating all your days of romance and friendship and treasuring those memories. He made a very major statement by telling you maybe it's best if you don't call him. To me, that includes any kind of contact whatsoever. What he was trying to tell you nicely is that he doesn't want you to interfere in his present relationship. Maybe you didn't hear that part of it...but I am here to tell you. If you're a decent person at all, you love yourself enough to want to carry on without him in a healthy fashion and you'll love him enough not to want to cause further problems. If you must write a letter, by all means sit down and write your heart out. But then tear it up, burn up the pieces of paper or delete the letter from your computer and move on with your life. As hard as it sounds, that's just the way it is. I have dozens of female friends that I love more than life itself but I contact them only on RARE occasions because as a friend I respect the boundaries that are part of a healthy romantic relationship...and as a male friend I must remain outside those boundaries. It simply isn't practical in most cases for a friendship to be retained under these circumstances, althought sometimes it happens...but it's rare.

 

Show yourself to be a mature, evolved human being with a great amount of class...and stay away from this guy...and don't write him.

[Tony T]

I really don't think you understand. If this lady doesn't want you calling her guy, she certainly doesn't want you meeting him for coffee in person.

 

Again, for Gawd's sake, show some class and back off. To the degree you can show yourself as a real friend is the degree that you may be able to reinstate the friendship later.

 

I promise you, this guy will not feel comfortable meeting you places because if word gets back to his lady it will be all over if she's that sensitive about your calls.

[Jen]

ok mis communication, i said that he said for us to meet for coffee, i did not say this.

 

just to clear the air

I really don't think you understand. If this lady doesn't want you calling her guy, she certainly doesn't want you meeting him for coffee in person.

 

Again, for Gawd's sake, show some class and back off. To the degree you can show yourself as a real friend is the degree that you may be able to reinstate the friendship later. I promise you, this guy will not feel comfortable meeting you places because if word gets back to his lady it will be all over if she's that sensitive about your calls.

[sparkle]

It does NOT MATTER whether you said it or whether he said it. The fact is, he has a girlfriend. She does not like you calling her boyfriend. Respect her wishes, as you would someone else would do if you were in her situation.

 

Now he clearly knows that she does not like you calling him. Trust me...I'm sure she's discussed it with him. So if he's going behind his girlfriend's back to ask you to meet, that just makes things worse.

 

I'm with Tony 100%. Show that you have class and self-respect...and leave him alone, no matter whether he's asking you to meet him or not.

[BeenThere]

The advise you have gotten here is right on. I know you're feeling slighted, even hurt. But to pursue this matter any further will only serve to prove to the new girlfriend that your interests in her boyfriend is more than just *friends*. I know you've known him longer, and have been there for him long before the new romance, but as a true friend its time to step aside and allow him to find happiness with whomever he chooses...perhaps another lucky lady who may turn out to be both a best friend AND a lover. And if you care for him as you say, you wouldn't want anything less for him.

well he did not say no more contact, he said that it would be best that i do not call because she can get into the answering machine, he did say that we would meet for coffee. i do have respect for myself and i really do love life. i know for a fact that i am not interested in anything to do with this oerson now that i have seen him being sneaky. i wanted to write the letter to express my feelings , yes hurt feelings, yes disapointing feelings, and yes anger. i will not write any letter, i might to myself then yes get rid of it.. thank you

[Jen]

ok this has really went funny, i have not called him in over a month because of his wishes, i do not nor did i want to do this, i was asking about the letter, that was it, tony said some mean things and it got out of hand between him and i but lets forget this posting that i put, it has went way beond the point that iwanted it to go..

 

thanks,

 

PS, I was leaving him alone.

 

thanks

The advise you have gotten here is right on. I know you're feeling slighted, even hurt. But to pursue this matter any further will only serve to prove to the new girlfriend that your interests in her boyfriend is more than just *friends*. I know you've known him longer, and have been there for him long before the new romance, but as a true friend its time to step aside and allow him to find happiness with whomever he chooses...perhaps another lucky lady who may turn out to be both a best friend AND a lover. And if you care for him as you say, you wouldn't want anything less for him.