Ariel Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 Why do people cheat? My b/f cheated on me. I am crushed and confused....why did he do this? He said he loved me. I thought we were moving to a new level in the relationship and then this happened. We were talking about marriage too. Was he not serious about anything he told me? Could he really love me and still do this? Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 I got cheated on in my past relationship too, even after talking about marriage. I was almost about to get engaged to the girl! It is best to dump this person. It was only more pain for me to hang on longer (and get cheated on again). People cheat simply because you do not meet their standards, and they find someone with something that you don't have, that something is something they want. He cannot still love you, but will say he still does. After my last relationship, I find NO reason for cheating except this mentioned above. Cheaters should get what they deserve, leave him. I hate cheaters. There is someone out there that will not cheat on you. Cheating just says "I don't love you, I like this other person and what they have to offer". No matter how good it seems to get after this, if you give him the chance, you will not be able to trust him fully, EVER. Think about it. Why do people cheat? My b/f cheated on me. I am crushed and confused....why did he do this? He said he loved me. I thought we were moving to a new level in the relationship and then this happened. We were talking about marriage too. Was he not serious about anything he told me? Could he really love me and still do this? Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 1. Why do people cheat? For many reasons. First, because the opportunity presents itself. Second, because they think they can get away with it. Third, sometimes because they're pissed at the partner and want to get back at them. Fourth, sometimes because they have a weak sense of themselves and they need assurances that they are attractive to other people...and on and on. 2. why did he do this? Only he will know this. Intuitively, I'd say most likely just for a strange roll in the hay. 3. He said he loved me. Just because somebody cheats on you, it doesn't mean they don't love you. They could love you more than life itself. Sex and love are two different things for most men. Women are far more likely to link feelings of love with the sex act. For men, love is one thing and getting their rocks off is in a whole different department. Yes, most men do value making love...but that's different than sex. In a weak moment, anybody can be seduced or seduce another and it's nothing more than raw, animal sex that's over and hopefully forgotten a day or two later. 4. We were talking about marriage too. That may be why he thought he better go out and get some final bit of nookie...before he made a marital committment he didn't want to break. It happens all the time. I've had some lady friends who went to bed with ex lovers and even strangers the night before their wedding just to get a little in before the knot was tied. Hey, welcome to planet earth. Strange things happen here and they aren't obligated to happen the way you think they should. 5. Was he not serious about anything he told me? I'd say he was probably very serious. That has nothing to do with cheating. Cheating is a primitive, animal thing done in a weak moment by weak-minded people with various agendas. You can forgive him if he asks or you can dismiss him from your life. Your call. 6. Could he really love me and still do this? Absolutely. He could love you more than life itself. Sex with someone a person doesn't love is just a step or two above shaking hands. Of course, it has hurt you and the fact that he didn't take more caution to be sure you didn't find out leads me to believe there's a serious problem here. You're going to have to talk to him. I couldn't tell you if he would ever do this again. He probably couldn't tell you either. And you probably can't honestly say that if you were in the right state of mind and in the right circumstances you wouldn't cheat either. You just don't know any more than you know whether or not you will win the lottery in the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gweedo Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 Dump him. And don't look back. Yes, it hurts like hell, but this will happen again if you let this slide. Why do people cheat? My b/f cheated on me. I am crushed and confused....why did he do this? He said he loved me. I thought we were moving to a new level in the relationship and then this happened. We were talking about marriage too. Was he not serious about anything he told me? Could he really love me and still do this? Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 I agree with tony ... if it was a one-night stand type deal - whatever, its just sex ... if it was an affair of considerable length - dump his ass ... to me, ##### doesn't amount to cheating ... emotional involvement w/ someone else does. -yes Why do people cheat? My b/f cheated on me. I am crushed and confused....why did he do this? He said he loved me. I thought we were moving to a new level in the relationship and then this happened. We were talking about marriage too. Was he not serious about anything he told me? Could he really love me and still do this? Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariel Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 This isn't a one night stand, they have been messing around for over 6 months now. She was an ex girlfriend. I found out through a friend of his. He even had tons of erotic pictures of her. He even took alot of them at his own place. I asked him if he cared for her, he said no. But it really doesn't sound that way to me. Do you think he's being truthful, does he want her more than me? Should I try to trust him again? I agree with tony ... if it was a one-night stand type deal - whatever, its just sex ... if it was an affair of considerable length - dump his ass ... to me, ##### doesn't amount to cheating ... emotional involvement w/ someone else does. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 He doesn't even deserve a goodbye. He knows damn well what he's done and he knows it will hurt you. He knowingly hurt you! "This isn't a one night stand, they have been messing around for over 6 months now. " 6 months is 6 months too long. Travel back in the time machine and dump him 6 months ago. *As the time machine is not available yet, you can't do that. Just dump him as quick as possible. He thinks this is a buffet, where he can get a taste of all of the girls before he decides on one. Do you want to be on this platter? Pfft! "She was an ex girlfriend." He obviously still has feelings for her. They both obviously have problems if she knows that he is going out with you. Don't give him the chance to explain, it will make it worse. What explaination could he have? Say goodbye and give this loser what he deserves. This isn't a one night stand, they have been messing around for over 6 months now. She was an ex girlfriend. I found out through a friend of his. He even had tons of erotic pictures of her. He even took alot of them at his own place. I asked him if he cared for her, he said no. But it really doesn't sound that way to me. Do you think he's being truthful, does he want her more than me? Should I try to trust him again? Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 Dont give him the satisfaction of an argument over this. The best thing for you is to make him think you have dropped from the face of this planet. Just disappear from his life. Let him live to regret it. If he wants another chance with you I would give him a few years to think about it. But I believe once a cheater always a cheater. Tony hit everything on the money, I would go back and read his post again. Some men will take any sex that is offered to them. Your b/f may not be looking to have sex with anyone, but once a women say's "you gotta dick? Put it here" he will take her up on the offer. Yes, women involve feelings in with sex. We can put our heart and soul in to it, but it doenst mean that males do. Men and Women have differnt brains. Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus. and dont take it lightly! Why do people cheat? My b/f cheated on me. I am crushed and confused....why did he do this? He said he loved me. I thought we were moving to a new level in the relationship and then this happened. We were talking about marriage too. Was he not serious about anything he told me? Could he really love me and still do this? Help!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BeenThere Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 ...Start evaluating your self worth by comparing yourself to this other woman! What does it matter who he wants more? This isn't a popularity contest and don't make this looser the boobie prize in some lover's tug-a-war! If your boyfriend wanted to be with you exclusively, than he wouldn't have had an affair. And if he loved this other girl more he wouldn't be with you. Truth be known, when a man (or woman) cheats, its not because the other one is prettier, or smarter, or a better person. They cheat because that other person is just *different* than the one they're with. I know it will take some time for you to process all of this. I think what hurts us more than the thought of our partner having sex with someone else, is the fact that we were lied to and decieved. Trust is a fragile thing, and once broken we can carry the grudge from one relationship into the next. It doesn't matter "why" he did what he did, or said the things that he said. I assure you, all the justifications in the world won't make it right even if he finds the balls to spill his guts. And the apologies and "I love yous" in the world won't prevent it from happening again. This guy is not ready for a committed relationship, even if he's convinced he wants one. Actions speak louder than words. Ignor the lip service you've been getting from this jerk and take some action of your own. Don't get even --- Get Out! This isn't a one night stand, they have been messing around for over 6 months now. She was an ex girlfriend. I found out through a friend of his. He even had tons of erotic pictures of her. He even took alot of them at his own place. I asked him if he cared for her, he said no. But it really doesn't sound that way to me. Do you think he's being truthful, does he want her more than me? Should I try to trust him again? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyndsay Posted February 8, 2002 Share Posted February 8, 2002 I know you are hurting and I have been in your situation and I decided to stay with the man who cheated on me, it is not all his fault, some woman are just persuasive and do not stop until they get what they want, also I think that it is a man thing that they want to be with as many woman as they can, even when they are in a relationship. With my b.f after he slept with another woman his first and last and I believe him he said that he appreciates more what we have together and he just wanted to know what it would be like to make love to a gorgeous woman who turned out to be a money greedy bitch and now he loves me more for who I am and even though I was hurt and still am I do understand where he was coming from..it is still no reason to make love to another woman but I think that he understands that looks are not everything when it comes to relationships.. Take care the hurt eventually goes away in time been there I know Link to post Share on other sites
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