Guest42 Posted September 8, 2006 Share Posted September 8, 2006 This is a long story with a lot of angles, but I will make it short. I was married this past summer. I am just finding out that my H has possibly told me some HUGE lies. I say possibly because I haven't confirmed all of this stuff. My heart does not want to beleive all this, but I can't ignore it, or can't imagine how the rest of the world could be lying and my H is not. H was divorced last yr. (We are both in our 40's, previous marriage each, no kids) He said everything was over and done with. In the mail, I discovered a ltr from ex-wife's lawyer. He missed a hearing this month----to dock his salary for more an amount more than $10,000 owed to his ex. One of these court judgments was for ER expenses. Come to find out thru various sources, he put his ex-wife in the ER after he attacked her. Bill was for over $3000, police were involved, etc. I don't know if he was charged and has a police record, yet. I have never seen a side of him that was violent. I can't beleive this is the same person....he has never given me an inkling that he could be violent. I called my FIL to ask him what he knew about all this.....he wasn't aware of this incident. (They live in another state) In the course of the phone call, I mentioned to him my H was thinking of returning to law school, and I was encouraging him to do this. FIL said law school? What are you talking about? It took him 6 yrs. to get his B.S. He never went to law school. I wondered why I had never seen any transcripts as we were moving in before the wedding and getting organized. I asked about them; he said ex-wife must have ripped them up. I haven't confronted him about any of this. To tell the truth, I'm a little frightened to do so. I am so confused; I wonder what other lies he might have told me. He has said so many things that have made me very proud to be married to him that are extraordinary---he was on a cycle team as a teen, and they were olympic understudies. He took flying lessons, but as his company makes him move a lot, he didn't get to complete them to get his pilot license. He was on the gameshow Jeapordy as a teen. He had the highest math scores on the SAT ever in the state he grew up in, and was on local t.v. And other things.....such as his biological grandfather (his dad was illegitimate) was very wealthy, and all he and his brother had to do was change their last name to his, and they'd be part of his family & their wealth. These are really only the tip of the iceburg.....written here all together they do sound too fantastic, but if you were with him over a period of time, you'd see how believable he is. I am confused, and just crushed. If all these are lies, and he really did hurt his ex-wife, where does that leave me? I have become married to a stranger overnight! I am also so very angry.....I have emotionally, financially invested in this man I hoped to be with for the rest of my life. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 How close is your own family? Do you have friends that live near you? Invite someone to come over, to be in the house somewhere while you and your husband talk. Tell him exactly what you said here, all of it. Fears, confusion, pain, and the fact you feel he is a stranger because you're finding out things about him that don't add up. Listen to your gut, if something doesn't feel right, chances are, it isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Sounds like a pathological liar to me. You might want to verify more of those things with your FIL, or even call his ex-wife's lawyer and find out what's what with the ER bill. Now that you're married, his debts become yours, too. Or have the lawyer send you a copy of the police report. Or hire a PI to do a background check... Unfortunately, I think you'd best get some support from friends and family, and do not confront him alone. He'll probably just keep lying, but he might get violent. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Listen to your gut, if something doesn't feel right, chances are, it isn't. Bad idea. Your gut already lied to you once when you figured that this fellow was OK. Get evidence. Gather facts first. Use your head. If all this is true, contact a lawyer and accountant immediately, without his knowledge, to protect yourself financially and legally. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 Well it's not so surprising that he hid some things from you. This doesn't mean he is violent or a liar. Just ask him to tell you the truth. It sounds like you don't know him yet. What were you thinking when marrying someone you've known for a short period of time? When you get to know him, you'll know his real him. If you know him well and for a long time and he has been good to you then why get so suspicious all of a sudden? Perhaps he meant return to school - law school. Not return to LAW school. His ex-wife could have called the police just to hurt him, doesn't mean he really attacked her. She knew the police would believe her. About owing money to her, did you sign any prenup? If not, he doesn't owe you any explanations about his previous depts. It's $10,000 and it's HER money so it has nothign to do with you. You have to talk to him about all this. Link to post Share on other sites
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