Think my ex cheated? Should I ask?

[gulliblefool]

I broke up with my bf about a month ago. He said it was b/c he had too much stress in his life and wanted to be friends...he had no time for a relationship. I asked him more than once if there was someone else and he said no. He even looked me in the eye and promised that it wasn't b/c he was interested in someone else. We stayed friends, but now I get the feeling he is seeing a girl he was supposedly "just friends" with when we were dating. I trusted him to hang out with her and even go to her house for dinner.

 

So I thought I was just starting to survive my break up when today I go to the hair dresserand she asked about him so I am telling her about our breakup and about him. And she is like...wierd, this girl just came in the other day and explained all the same stuff about the guy she's been dating for over a month. I mean there were some major details that would be impossible to be a different person.

 

Now since my ex and I are supposed friends...and I have to go to a fundraiser that he is also going to in a couple weeks...I am wondering if I should ask him if he was honest about our break up.

 

I mean if it was b/c of this girl then I feel like a fool for telling everyone otherwise.....and for staying his friend. It makes me look stupid.

 

Should I ask him??? No contact isn't an option...he was friends with my family for years before we dated and still is...so we always run into eachother.

 

Please help!!!!! My heart is broken all over again....and if he did lie.....how do I deal with that? I mean I thought he was so sweet and honest and now I feel like a gullible idiot! Plus what do I say to my family? It puts them in a wierd spot too. I have a feeling he is bringing this girl to this fundraiser in a couple weeks......I am gonna die seeing them together....if he cheated on me!

[D-Lish]

You know something? This may sound silly, but I'd ask yourself if you really want to know....

 

That is why no contact would be better for you.... don't remain friends with this person- or at least do everything you can to avoid it. I'd especially avoid the event where you may run into them. Just take some space. Finding out that a former flame cheated can just bring you right back to square one in the healing process.

 

Personally, I'd rather not know- then I can make myself believe what I want to believe and that makes it easier for me to get past it.

Luckily for me, my ex and I live in different cities- and we have different friend groups... so running into one another is not a possibility. It sounds like you have little choice but to see this person at times.... but if you can minimize how much you see of them- you'll move on quicker.

 

And don't let him have his cake and eat it to! If he is seeing someone else, do you want to stay friends with him? Trust me, don't put yourself through the pain of knowing if this person cheated. Ask your mutual friends and family to not talk to you about it and avoid seeing him, tell him you want to move on and don't see a friendship in your future with him.

Out of sight, out of mind.

 

When he sees you moving on- you'll give him something to really think about! Act like you are happy and don't care. If you have to go to this event- bring a date yourself!!

 

My ex broke up with me abruptly after a year over three weeks ago (on the phone!) and we haven't seen each other or spoken since. I truly don't even want to know if he was even eyeing someone else, let alone cheating... it would eat me alive.

 

Just try and put as much space as possible between you and him. He's used to seeing you around. If you're absent all of a sudden- it will make him wonder, and that will force him to think about you.

 

I know that's probably not the advice you were looking for. But I feel for you.

 

Good luck,

Dee

[solitude]

Should I ask him??? No contact isn't an option...he was friends with my family for years before we dated and still is...so we always run into eachother.

 

Please help!!!!! My heart is broken all over again....and if he did lie.....how do I deal with that? I mean I thought he was so sweet and honest and now I feel like a gullible idiot! Plus what do I say to my family? It puts them in a wierd spot too. I have a feeling he is bringing this girl to this fundraiser in a couple weeks......I am gonna die seeing them together....if he cheated on me!

 

DO NOT bother to ask him abt it. Since he is not your bf anymore and he doesnt want the relationship, leave him alone. He may have planned to break up with you, because he felt guilty if he has another gf in the same time. Meaning, he actually , doesnt want to be unfair to you. So now, it is better for you to move on and just NC. I had been there before. I know how it feels . You feel betrayed n your heart is pierced but you should look it positively, that it is better to break up with someone like that. Someone who cant commit with the partner. Because to commit with someone, meaning even though you see someone who is better and even when things not going smooth, you still stick with her/him. If now , you see he doesnt have that quality, it is good to break up early.

 

And if i look back , i really thankful that he broke up with me, otherwise my life would be very normal. Now, my life is sooooo much better. So much happier and i can do things that i would never be able to do if i am with him.

Being with wrong person will only make your life worse.

Gal, dont give up.. you gonna be fine.. but you have to let it go..good luck!

[someone_here]

i feel for you... gal...

but it is better for you just to stay away from him and dont try to find out what he is doing . Just simply cut off everything that relates you to him.

Dont make your life miserable because of this guy. He doesnt deserve you anyway. Move on!

[Guest]

 

That is why no contact would be better for you.... don't remain friends with this person- or at least do everything you can to avoid it. I'd especially avoid the event where you may run into them. Just take some space. Finding out that a former flame cheated can just bring you right back to square one in the healing process.

 

That's the problem....I can't avoid him! He is my brother's best friend and he works with him as well. I am on the planning committee for the fundraiser so I can't not go. I don't have someone else to take, and I just didn't know if I wanted to hear it from his lips a couple weeks before about this girl so I can prepare...or if I want to just see them show up and be happy in front of me. We live in a small community where everyone knows everyone.....you can't avoid hearing about him or people knowing your bussiness.....

 

I took our break up bad to start with b/c everything seemed so perfect we never even fought once! And after a month I was still hurting but was getting on with my life and now I am back to that first day.......I can't do this!

 

And to find out from your hairdresser of all people sucks! I had to try act so calm in the salon. I just want to know if he has been playing me for a fool....I want him to know that I KNOW!!

 

Love sucks!!!