I Don't Trust Men

[Jersey Shortie]

Come on, Jersey, do you really expect me to believe that you've never thought or fantasized about an emotional or physical relationship with a man other than your SO?

 

LVspecB

 

 

No your right, it isn't that I never done these things but with men..it's just so over whelming the amount men do it and expect women to be okay with. Guys are always thinking about sex, look at porn regulary (not to mention that all these women look a certain idealized way that is a good reminder of how you don't measure up to his expectations), get off on oppurtunties when they can get away from their old hag of a girlfriend to enjoy new girls..(ie: strip clubs), ultimate fantasy is two women because they can't ever just be happy with what they got. Its just so freaking over-whelming the amount of things I am suppose to *deal* all in the name of him being a guy because he can't be happy with what he's got.

[honeybunch2k5]

Jersey, I really feel ya. I haven't had a boyfriend in over a year. I meet a guy, it seems like he loves me. It develop feelings for him, then he dumps me for whatever reason. Mind you, I rarely have arguments with the guys I date. My friends have been dating the same guys for several years. I just haven't had that kind of luck.

 

Seeing guys ogle (notice I said ogle not glance)at other women and never having anything nice to say about me got old real fast. Then they wonder why you get mad and why they don't get laid. If they made me feel sexy they would get laid a lot more often!

 

Just wanted to let you know again you're not alone...

[Green]

Jersey girl we should go out so I could tell you about how your the only girl for me in between long glances at slightly more atractive women. I would probably have atleast 2 other girl friends who you didnt know about but I'd tell them about you and we'd laugh. I'd also bang hookers, watch porn and go to strip clubs just to pass the time when I wasnt with one of my many girlfriends. At work me and my construction worker friends would be sure to cat call and whistle at any female that came into range. Then one day after I got bored of having sex with you hopefully within the first two months I would Leave a message saying my job was making me move and from that point I would ignore any calls from you.

[HennyPenny]

Doesn't the second statement overlap the first? In judging men "unattractive ... most of the time", aren't you "shallow" and "preoccupied"?

 

Sounds like you are looking, judging and appraising the opposite sex on a regular basis. And yet, should a man do this, he is "ogling", "perving" and "disrespecting" his woman.

 

Double standard...

 

LVspecB

I think my post also mentioned that I was wrong in my thinking, that I have flaws, and that I feel crappy about myself which affects my outlook on life and the people I attract. In other words, I know I'm f***ed up.

 

I have to clarify my statement regarding men and attractiveness, however. Women are made aware of their level on the attractiveness scale continuously. This is why you never see an old, fat disgusting-looking woman harrassing young, gorgeous men in bars, for example. But do we see extremely unattractive men humiliating themselves chasing after gorgeous women? Go to any bar. Hell, I can go to work and see that going on. It's a matter of conditioning more than anything else.

[TheDiva]

I think my post also mentioned that I was wrong in my thinking, that I have flaws, and that I feel crappy about myself which affects my outlook on life and the people I attract. In other words, I know I'm f***ed up.

 

I have to clarify my statement regarding men and attractiveness, however. Women are made aware of their level on the attractiveness scale continuously. This is why you never see an old, fat disgusting-looking woman harrassing young, gorgeous men in bars, for example. But do we see extremely unattractive men humiliating themselves chasing after gorgeous women? Go to any bar. Hell, I can go to work and see that going on. It's a matter of conditioning more than anything else.

 

Honey, NEVER go for a man you meet at a bar.....

 

That said I can illustrate your point with an experience I once had.

 

When I was oh about 23, I was working at a convience store. There was a regular customer who would come in. She was about five foot tall, and showed every ounce of her overweightness (is that a word?) She was very sweet and funny. Guys wouldn't look at her once, much less twice or even smile in her general direction. Well she started a fad diet, and changing how she ate. She also started parking at the furtherest point from the building when she went to stores. Making small changes with BIG results. Within a few months she was an itty bitty thing. More and more guys started paying attention to her.

 

Well one day, after she had gotten to her goal weight. This was one day at one of our most busy times. I saw her park across the parking lot and walk to the store. She was dressed in a nice dress, a little short but certainly not indecent or lust inducing.

 

Now guys that NEVER would have noticed her before where walking into stuff, one of them even turned over a display because he was too busy looking at her. It was funny. Funnier still, most of these guys had just left work. Most were filthy and stinky. Stringy (some) long hair, and some of them looked like they hadn't seen a bathtub in a few weeks. One had some crusty stuff in his unkempt beard There were a couple of nicely dressed business men as well. Now there is a long line in the store, cause its rush time. And all of the men in the store let her go before them. She only had a pack of gum and a drink. She paid them no undo attention, but they were all smiles to get a "thank you" from her for allowing her to go ahead. And as she left one man that was about 70 pounds overweight and had 3 teeth missing, commented about how he would like to "hit that."

 

 

Now I am going to take the chance of sounding like a b!$%h. I really liked the girl. She was sweet, funny, and didn't have a mean bone in her body. A little unassuming and very insecure. She had blonde hair and striking green eyes. But she wore too much bright makeup (for my taste) and no kind of base she wore could cover up the blemishes, and pock marks from acne. I wouldn't consider her beautiful by conventional standards. What made her pretty (2 me at least) was her personality, which sadly changed after the weight loss. Instead of being friendly after the weight loss she seemed to consider me an adversary. I suppose I was now competition for male attention?

 

Don't worry ladies, it's a chore to weed through the toads. All people look at others. This doesn't mean they aren't trustworthy. Just human. The ones that go to strip clubs regularly when in relationships, dump to the wayside post haste. Porn watchers...that's a gamble. It can go either way there.

 

I suspect you want to put a lady down because your guy is looking at her. DO NOT VOICE THE NEGATIVE. This for some reason makes guys do it more and sadly makes you feel worse about yourself. If you feel the need to comment, find something positive about her to voice to him. This acknowledges that you see him looking, while making you seem unconcerned. This tells a guy you don't think she is competition! Now you are a confident beautiful woman, that knows her worth, and knows she can find a better partner if the need arises.

 

 

I am glad I am married. I hate the dating game.

[Jersey Shortie]

KMT:

 

"At work me and my construction worker friends would be sure to cat call and whistle at any female that came into range."

 

I sure dodged that bullet then KMT. Construction workers don't do it for me.

 

 

 

 

 

I suspect you want to put a lady down because your guy is looking at her. DO NOT VOICE THE NEGATIVE. This for some reason makes guys do it more and sadly makes you feel worse about yourself. If you feel the need to comment, find something positive about her to voice to him. This acknowledges that you see him looking, while making you seem unconcerned. This tells a guy you don't think she is competition! Now you are a confident beautiful woman, that knows her worth, and knows she can find a better partner if the need arises.

 

 

 

I don't put other women down if he is looking at another chick. It isn't their fault. I don't acknowledge it to him but at the same time it bothers me inside. I don't think I could find something nice to say either about her. To me, it like saying that I don't get hurt and even like when he gives other women attention. And it is hurtful.

[Timberlane]

You don't trust men? No one said you had to trust all of them. Trust a few, or just one and see how that goes.

[Jersey Shortie]

Trust a few, or just one and see how that goes.

 

 

I tried that. It doesn't work out very well.

[Timberlane]

I tried that. It doesn't work out very well.

 

Your statement is a gross generalization and your bias against men is only going to confirm that each and every one is in your view "untrustworthy." So your outcome is predetermined. I have never thought or stated any such thing about women, despite having two girlfriends who were cheaters. I looked at it as a problem with individuals.

[Jersey Shortie]

Your statement is a gross generalization and your bias against men is only going to confirm that each and every one is in your view "untrustworthy." So your outcome is predetermined. I have never thought or stated any such thing about women, despite having two girlfriends who were cheaters. I looked at it as a problem with individuals.

 

 

I know it is but there just seems to be too many untrust worthy men out there compared to good ones and I am frustrated. I don't not want to trust men or feel the way I do about them lately. I do think men are great, fantastic creatures who have the ablity to make me feel alot of strong things for them and make me feel beautiful. But on the flip side they do have a way of making you feel ugly and unimportant too. It's like men *never* give up seeking out other women in some way shape and form and I am just overwhelmed and sick of it.

 

My white knight has fallen off his horse to stare at Sleeping beauty's ass apparently.

[LVspecB]

I But on the flip side they do have a way of making you feel ugly and unimportant too. It's like men *never* give up seeking out other women in some way shape and form and I am just overwhelmed and sick of it.

I just don't think prejudicial bias ever serves the holder well. Since you don't qualify your opinions with "some men" or "the men I've dated", they are just as invalid as the "all women are gold-digging b**ches" rants I hear from equally uninformed guys.

 

Regardless, Jersey, what are your other choices for romantic companions? Let's see, there's other women...animals...aliens...

 

LVspecB

[Jersey Shortie]

I just don't think prejudicial bias ever serves the holder well. Since you don't qualify your opinions with "some men" or "the men I've dated", they are just as invalid as the "all women are gold-digging b**ches" rants I hear from equally uninformed guys.

 

Regardless, Jersey, what are your other choices for romantic companions? Let's see, there's other women...animals...aliens...

 

LVspecB

 

 

You are arguing a [sIZE=2]technicality. I know not *all* men are like this. But enough of them are to make me have the opinion I do.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]Believe me, there have been many times lately when I wished Iwas a lesbian. Unfortunetly for me, I like men. I just have a lot of bitterness because of them.

[/sIZE]

[CynicalP]

You are arguing a [sIZE=2]technicality. I know not *all* men are like this. But enough of them are to make me have the opinion I do.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][/sIZE]

[sIZE=2]Believe me, there have been many times lately when I wished Iwas a lesbian. Unfortunetly for me, I like men. I just have a lot of bitterness because of them.[/sIZE]

[sIZE=2][/sIZE]

 

 

I highly doubt that lesbians are immune to issues of trust and infidelty. Everybody has failings, weaknesses, wants, and desires. Women are catching up to men in the infidelty stats department as well. With your trust issues, it almost seems your in a self fulfilling prophecy cycle where your so focused on them that maybe subconsiously you are trying to validate your belief system; that is all men can't be trusted. It's easy to find failings when your searching for it.

[calalily]

You know, the feedback you get from men is that that women always assume that they're the same, and everytime you tell people you don't trust men, the more you're going to get a guy who conforms to your world view.

 

I know really nice guys - honourable, masculine, upstanding, and the last woman they want to be with is one of the "all men are bastids" group - they perceive that they cannot win.

[Jersey Shortie]

I know you are right calalilly. I just feel like I can't win either I guess.

[LVspecB]

With your trust issues, it almost seems your in a self fulfilling prophecy cycle where your so focused on them that maybe subconsiously you are trying to validate your belief system; that is all men can't be trusted.

You know, the feedback you get from men is that that women always assume that they're the same, and everytime you tell people you don't trust men, the more you're going to get a guy who conforms to your world view.

Two good pieces of advice. The suggestion is that your attitude is steering you to a certain type. What do you think?

 

LVspecB

[Jersey Shortie]

Two good pieces of advice. The suggestion is that your attitude is steering you to a certain type. What do you think?

 

LVspecB

 

 

I think you are making it more simplistic than it is.

[LVspecB]

I think you are making it more simplistic than it is.

Au contraire, Jersey, I think it's your over-simplified insistence on looking at "men" as a whole that holds you back. Regardless, better luck in your future relationships...

 

LVspecB

[calalily]

I was actually talking to some of the men I mentioned. And they agreed with me. They said that they would steer clear of someone like that, because they would feel like they could never prove themselves, so why waste their time and yours.

 

One fundamental difference between men and women is that women say things like "oh, I would never be that kind of person". Men are still largely connected with thoughts of what it is to be "a man". Men say things like "I would never be that kind of man" - so by saying "I don't trust men" you are attacking the core of their identity in which the good ones base that goodness. That is why you will always attract the ones who don't have any goodness - it is based in a faulty idea of being a man.

[Woggle]

I was actually talking to some of the men I mentioned. And they agreed with me. They said that they would steer clear of someone like that, because they would feel like they could never prove themselves, so why waste their time and yours.

 

One fundamental difference between men and women is that women say things like "oh, I would never be that kind of person". Men are still largely connected with thoughts of what it is to be "a man". Men say things like "I would never be that kind of man" - so by saying "I don't trust men" you are attacking the core of their identity in which the good ones base that goodness. That is why you will always attract the ones who don't have any goodness - it is based in a faulty idea of being a man.

 

I fully agree. Women that hate men give off this vibe that men pick up on and any decent and sane man will stear clear of her. No rational person wants to deal wth that baggage.

[Jersey Shortie]

I was actually talking to some of the men I mentioned. And they agreed with me. They said that they would steer clear of someone like that, because they would feel like they could never prove themselves, so why waste their time and yours.

 

One fundamental difference between men and women is that women say things like "oh, I would never be that kind of person". Men are still largely connected with thoughts of what it is to be "a man". Men say things like "I would never be that kind of man" - so by saying "I don't trust men" you are attacking the core of their identity in which the good ones base that goodness. That is why you will always attract the ones who don't have any goodness - it is based in a faulty idea of being a man.

 

 

 

Well I don't hate men and I dated good guys but either way, it seems like no matter what you do for a guy, it is never good enough because he is still going to look at porn, think about sleeping with other women, probably thiking about sleeping with everyone from your sister to the girl that does your hair, and want to go to strip clubs.

 

You say guys will say "why bother" if they feel like ou don't trust them and I say "why bother" if no matter what I do it is never good enough for him that he is still seeking out other women on some level, even if it is a shallow level.

[Green]

Jersey Shortie you are a bitter, you are way to negative and unless you change your attitude even your father is going start look at porn and say good bye to you

[CynicalP]

Well I don't hate men and I dated good guys but either way, it seems like no matter what you do for a guy, it is never good enough because he is still going to look at porn, think about sleeping with other women, probably thiking about sleeping with everyone from your sister to the girl that does your hair, and want to go to strip clubs.

 

You say guys will say "why bother" if they feel like ou don't trust them and I say "why bother" if no matter what I do it is never good enough for him that he is still seeking out other women on some level, even if it is a shallow level.

 

So basically you feel that if a Man views porn or visits a strip club or briefly finds another women arousing he is basically cheating on you.

[calalily]

Well I don't hate men and I dated good guys but either way, it seems like no matter what you do for a guy, it is never good enough because he is still going to look at porn, think about sleeping with other women, probably thiking about sleeping with everyone from your sister to the girl that does your hair, and want to go to strip clubs.

 

You're not actually dating good guys, and doubt you ever will. My husband did not have any porn until I bought it for him (and he has now ditched it), hasn't slept with anyone else, or thought about it, and has never been to a stripclub.

 

You say guys will say "why bother" if they feel like ou don't trust them and I say "why bother" if no matter what I do it is never good enough for him that he is still seeking out other women on some level, even if it is a shallow level.

 

I do agree with CynicalP here, your standards are rather high - you're not just into bodily control, but mind control as well. Yet at the same time, you're treating men like peices of dirt (showing lack of control over your own thoughts). If you don't like or want them, just become lesbian or celibate, and never deal with them again.

 

Some guys can be jerks, but by seeing them all as jerks, you're missing out on a lot of really nice guys.

[Ladywithafan]

Well I don't. I wish I did. But it seems that every time your man isn't with you, and even when he is, he is still always seeking out other women on some level.

 

 

Girl, men and women are supposedly the highest form of animal life...and today...with the media, internet, tv/movies...how could you not expect men to be looking????

 

Could be just from looking at another chick and thinking about her or looking at porn, or going to strip clubs.

 

We're all looking...but that little insecurity bug tends to bite us women hard...I liked what someone else said, either don't even acknowledge it or make a positive comment which shows that you recognize what ever seems to be positive about what your man is looking at, then flash him a tease & a smile & say nothing...

 

Porn can be enjoyed together...anything can get out of hand...could be chocolate cake that's turning him on too much & giving him a sugar condition...at least porn's not fattening!....strip clubs are best left to bachelor parties...when yes, it can be time for a last hurrah...and if the man gets one, then it should be available to the woman as well...equality in the strip club...

 

Why can't men just be loyal to their girl? It's like guys don't really care about their women. And if they do have a woman, all they want is new women to think about.

 

I know this is going to sound dumb, bu a lot of time our feminine insecurities drive them away...they do not need to hear all of our feelings, that's why we have the internet...men do care about their women, their brain is just totally programed differently...otherwise, get a gay man to tell your troubles to...they can deal with the drama...straight men do not want to hear about all of our little nuiances....as for new women...well, a woman is only new until she drives them crazy...

 

It's making me bitter to men and I don't want to be but I don't have alot of faith in men and their loyality or love of the women they are with.

 

Listen, my xhusband was an MD who got his nurse pregnant 3x and I divorced him, and spent a good chunk of change on cocaine...went through hell because of it and ended up putting an article in the paper about how I spent $5K a week on it with my boyfriend and how we came out of our substance abuse...that story hit the front page and you know all his fellow MDs read it.....I figured I paid for it and got in trouble for it and the truth needed to be known...but hell....if he had been loyal to me, the whole thing would have never happened....but not all people, men or women know how to be loyal because they didn't have it in their own families and are afraid to trust their true feelings...low self esteem is an attribute many a cheater has...

 

Not to mention that the things they are thinking about in porn and strip clubs are all these idealized versions of female beauty from fake hair extentsions to fake breasts. How is a normal girl suppose to feel pretty to her guy?

 

I'll tell you a secret...every man has a certain part of the female anatomy that makes him freak....it's just not all about the fake boobs or the fake lips, or the lipo'd thighs....men are not as shallow as you think...they do actually go a lot easier on us than we do on ourselves or other women......

 

A normal girl should take her best attributes and focus on them....and that beauty from within will shine much more! I didn't have cellulite till about a year ago...(I'm almost 45...probably look 35) but you know what...the hell with it....I'll wear my bikini & if someone stares, I'll have a witty remark about it...like, "can you believe, I woke up this morning and lo and behold I found I had cellulite...now, when I went to sleep last night, it was not there...I checked!"

 

I don't want to be bitter about men but I am.

 

Being bitter will just put frown lines on your face....I don't know how old you are but life is way too short to be hating....