Glamour Posted February 9, 2002 Posted February 9, 2002 Well, me and my boyfriend have been together for about 6 months now, but because of my parents being on a business trip I am in another state for a few months and wont see him. Valentine's Day is coming around I give that boy hints every day I say Valentine's Day is coming soon, I've even told him I am getting him something. Then yesterday he is talking to an associate of mine and she asks if he is doing something for me and he says he can't do nothing from here. Meaning he cant do nothing for me. I am mad I mean what the heck go to flowers.com and find me something.I never told him I wanted something b/c I don't like asking guys for stuff that makes me feel I don't know I am just not comfortable doing that. But I want him to get me something just like I am getting him something. If he cared he would right. I mean he has money a lot of it. SO what should I do, should I just wait until I go home and then expect something from him, or should I be like you better buy me something. I don't know why I am a lil bit pissed off but I am. So what should I do?
Scorpio Posted February 9, 2002 Posted February 9, 2002 If you want him to get you something this badly, Glamour, I think you should go right out and say it. I can't imagine he'd take offense. I suppose I agree you shouldn't have to and that he should have taken some of your hints by now, but some of us guys are pretty thick when it comes to hints and innuendo -- even hints you consider obvious -- so it can pay to be a little more proactive. Your hints might not have penetrated, he might think you'd be insulted by something as generic as flowers for Valentine's and therefore not want to bother unless he can do something really special, he might have just TOLD your friend he wasn't getting you anything to spring a big surprise, your friend might be misquoting him or missing his point, he might consider Valentine's Day meaningless and not realise you disagree, you might be a hard person to shop for and he can't think of anything to get you... there are a million possibilities here, not all of them bad. The next time you talk to him, tell him how much Valentine's day means to you and how it would mean a lot if you got a little reminder from him on the day to show he cared. Tell him flowers are nice. That's being a lot more direct than you are now, without being pushy. It might help, and it can't hurt. Well, me and my boyfriend have been together for about 6 months now, but because of my parents being on a business trip I am in another state for a few months and wont see him. Valentine's Day is coming around I give that boy hints every day I say Valentine's Day is coming soon, I've even told him I am getting him something. Then yesterday he is talking to an associate of mine and she asks if he is doing something for me and he says he can't do nothing from here. Meaning he cant do nothing for me. I am mad I mean what the heck go to flowers.com and find me something.I never told him I wanted something b/c I don't like asking guys for stuff that makes me feel I don't know I am just not comfortable doing that. But I want him to get me something just like I am getting him something. If he cared he would right. I mean he has money a lot of it. SO what should I do, should I just wait until I go home and then expect something from him, or should I be like you better buy me something. I don't know why I am a lil bit pissed off but I am. So what should I do?
Tony T Posted February 9, 2002 Posted February 9, 2002 I think he ought to dump your butt. First, you don't even know whether or not he's getting you something for Valentine's Day...all you know is what he may or may not have told someone else. Second, you are obsessed with getting something in return for your getting him something. If your giving is contingent upon getting something in return, you aren't fit for a relationship. Things just don't work that way all the time. Third, you're obsession with "getting" is sickening. I hope you aren't this selfish and self centered in general. In my opinion, your words are those of someone who is not nearly mature enough to be in a relationship. Fourth, if you feel so strongly about this and you are sure he's getting you nothing...then get him nothing and give each other a nice kiss or a phone call and let it be. If your romance is based on what you get from him, it's a terrible relationship and one you should terminate. Yes, it's wonderful to get something special from your sweetie on Valentine's Day. But giving has to be spontaneous and from a willing giver. If your guy is not so inclined and you require gifts on special holidays to prevent yourself from going berzerk, go find another guy. Most guys do enjoy doing special things for their ladies on Valentine's Day, their birthday, anniversaries, Christmas, etc. If I were dating you and I caught wind of your attitude regarding this, I would give you something very special for Valentine's Day...the BOOT!
midori Posted February 9, 2002 Posted February 9, 2002 Dear Glamour, Valentine's Day is not like an office Secret Santa party, where everyone is obliged to buy a gift for someone. Valentine's Day has been blown waaaay out of proportion in the U.S. -- it's what I call a "Hallmark Holiday," that is, an occasion that the makers of greeting cards, crappy chocolates & other gift-type things want us to mark by spending money needlessly. Is it really "romantic" to get a cookie-cutter gift on a prescribed day? Is that how your loved one should demonstrate that he's thinking of you? I don't think so. There's almost no thought involved, with all of the advertisers out there blaring their "don't forget to buy" messages. I don't even have a special someone this year, and still I catch myself sometimes thinking "oh right, gotta buy some flowers or chocolates" when I hear radio commericals or pass a window display full of red hearts. Sounds to me like you're focused on the appearance of things. What will people think if your bf doesn't come through with obligatory flowers/chocolates? Who cares?? Do you like him? Does he like you? That's what matters. If you like him and you are moved on this retail "holiday" to purchase something for him as a token of your affection, great. Do it and take pleasure in his pleasure. If you're only doing it because you expect your gift to be reciprocated, I think you've missed the point (well, you haven't missed Hallmark & Fanny Farmer's point, which is to Spend Your Money on Their Products). You say that you don't want to ask him outright to get you something because that would somehow sully or lessen the value of the gift. But you're ticked off that he hasn't read your mind. Hm, are you dating him for the pleasure of his company or for the material benefits you expect to derive? If this kind of thing is genuinely important to you then maybe this isn't the guy for you. Now I know lots of guys who are a Bit Dense and who, despite the advertisers' best efforts, Somehow Don't Get the Valentine's Day Message to Buy Something Special for Their Special Someone. They are the despair of this country's best marketing minds. The only thing you can do in such circumstances is to say something like, "I can't wait till you see what I've gotten for your Valentine's Day gift. And by the way, in case you're wondering I much prefer tulips to roses -- and purple tulips are my favorite. Also, I do not like nougat-filled chocolate. Just in case you were wondering. I can't wait to see what you're getting for me -- isn't Valentine's Day exciting?" Given the hard times our country is facing, you could even consider it your civic duty to get your man to whip out his wallet and do his bit to help the economy.
Glamour Posted February 9, 2002 Posted February 9, 2002 Thanx Midroly and Scorpio, yeah you are right thanx a lot.I told him what I wanted and he understood.And Tony and whatever your name was you know what, get a life.
yes Posted February 9, 2002 Posted February 9, 2002 Asking for a gift is humiliating. The guy will also feel pressured ... i mean if he wanted to do something for her, he would. Getting a gift having asked for it sort of defeats the purpose - i.e. the attention. Yes u get your choclate, but hey - u could've bought it yrself. anyway - I agree with tony. i personally don't like V-day because it is so commercialized. when my ex got me a big gift for v-day, i was almost disappointed that he was so damn brainwashed by the media... good luck -yes Dear Glamour, Valentine's Day is not like an office Secret Santa party, where everyone is obliged to buy a gift for someone. Valentine's Day has been blown waaaay out of proportion in the U.S. -- it's what I call a "Hallmark Holiday," that is, an occasion that the makers of greeting cards, crappy chocolates & other gift-type things want us to mark by spending money needlessly. Is it really "romantic" to get a cookie-cutter gift on a prescribed day? Is that how your loved one should demonstrate that he's thinking of you? I don't think so. There's almost no thought involved, with all of the advertisers out there blaring their "don't forget to buy" messages. I don't even have a special someone this year, and still I catch myself sometimes thinking "oh right, gotta buy some flowers or chocolates" when I hear radio commericals or pass a window display full of red hearts. Sounds to me like you're focused on the appearance of things. What will people think if your bf doesn't come through with obligatory flowers/chocolates? Who cares?? Do you like him? Does he like you? That's what matters. If you like him and you are moved on this retail "holiday" to purchase something for him as a token of your affection, great. Do it and take pleasure in his pleasure. If you're only doing it because you expect your gift to be reciprocated, I think you've missed the point (well, you haven't missed Hallmark & Fanny Farmer's point, which is to Spend Your Money on Their Products). You say that you don't want to ask him outright to get you something because that would somehow sully or lessen the value of the gift. But you're ticked off that he hasn't read your mind. Hm, are you dating him for the pleasure of his company or for the material benefits you expect to derive? If this kind of thing is genuinely important to you then maybe this isn't the guy for you. Now I know lots of guys who are a Bit Dense and who, despite the advertisers' best efforts, Somehow Don't Get the Valentine's Day Message to Buy Something Special for Their Special Someone. They are the despair of this country's best marketing minds. The only thing you can do in such circumstances is to say something like, "I can't wait till you see what I've gotten for your Valentine's Day gift. And by the way, in case you're wondering I much prefer tulips to roses -- and purple tulips are my favorite. Also, I do not like nougat-filled chocolate. Just in case you were wondering. I can't wait to see what you're getting for me -- isn't Valentine's Day exciting?" Given the hard times our country is facing, you could even consider it your civic duty to get your man to whip out his wallet and do his bit to help the economy.
BeenThere Posted February 9, 2002 Posted February 9, 2002 Whoa, glamour! Kinda feel bad for you that you were hit so hard by the folks here on the forum. I think I understand what your *real* complaint is here... It's not about the "gift" as much as it is about his lack of thoughtfulness. Am I correct? Some people are just clueless, especially guys. You don't want to put yourself in a position where you find yourself *demanding* an exchange of sentimental tokens and gestures. Continue to be the generous romantic that you are, but don't expect this virtue to be inherent in everyone that you meet. Perhaps you can *hint* around just by setting an example. If in time your boyfriend doesn't catch on and reciprocate, than all you can do is surrender to the fact that you're stuck with a "lug"...or you can move on to someone who is more like you. Romance should never be one-sided. And may I ad, if he *does* get you something, no matter how silly it is, be appreciative. Most people forget that its the *thought* that counts...and thoughtfulness in any relationship, whether friendly or romantic, is a MUST if you you want to make it last.
Laurynn Posted February 10, 2002 Posted February 10, 2002 No offense, but HOW pathetically desperate and annoying you must come across as, to your poor boyfriend, to devote each day to reminding him about Valentine's Day. Geezus, why don't you just rent a billboard or a neon sign and spell it out for him, that if you don't get something from him you're going to pout and stomp and be all pissed. How old are you anyway? You've already got the poor guy on death row and Valentine's Day isn't even HERE! The real meaning of this day is about showing love to those you love. And love is truly about GIVING, not GETTING or DEMANDING. If you MUST keep riding his ass about this, leave him a note asking him to get you a big block of cheese..to go with your annoying and childish, selfish WHINE. (and I already got a life, thanks)
Laurynn Posted February 10, 2002 Posted February 10, 2002 I don't know if you're male or female, but I simply don't understand your advice on this. What the hell is a gift if it's one that was given ONLY because the giver was guilted into giving it, or hounded, or pestered, or manipulated? A gift is something you give to someone, done so without ANY sort of obligation....and it should come from the heart. What kind of selfish moron would go up to their partner and ASK them to give them something for Valentine's Day? What does that prove? ..what, that if they DO give you something, that it likely was given out of obligation or guilt? So then how meaningful or special is that gift? She really needs to get off the guy's ass and let him do what he wants to do. If he doesn't give her a gift, then cut the ties and let the poor dude go so that he can find a woman who isn't so materialistic and so in the dark about what "gifts" are really all about. Sheeesh! It's no wonder men are so confused about women, it's no wonder that some men think women are just materialistic wenches........un-freakin-believable.
Miss Mojo Posted February 10, 2002 Posted February 10, 2002 hi glamour, valentine's day is not something that everyone believes in, and rightly so. while some people think of it as a day to show your loved one how you feel, i belong to the school of thought that believes it is a load of crap. i would be rapt if a guy were to pick me a flower or take me out for a nice dinner on any given day of the year (pick any out of the other 364), just because he felt like it...no particular date because society has made it that way or because he feels he should just because it is february 14 or because there are adverts everywhere reminding him that he has a girlfriend. if there were no such thing as valentine's day, we'd hardly be sitting there thinking, "jeez...we're 45 days into the year and i STILL haven't received anything....b@stard!". valentine's day has become so commercial. it's all about the hard-sell nowadays. some of the best relationships i know have never done anything for valentines day. these are relationships that don't need one particular day of the year to tell their partner how they feel. their feelings are no less or no more special on february 14. these feelings are constant and no amount of advertising or social pressure will affect that. just understand that not everyone likes valentines day. some people see it for the hugely commercial day it is, which for some, cheapens their notion of legitimate affection. no one should be pressured into acting a certain way because of their partner or doing something they're not comfortable with. if he's not treating you bad, then don't stress about it. put pressure on him, and you might just get the one thing you don't want....the single life again. if you come across as materialistic to your boyfriend as you did in your post (hey, i'm being objective) then he's not gonna want you hanging around for long. best wishes
Scorpio Posted February 10, 2002 Posted February 10, 2002 I'm amazed how much controversy this topic has generated! By way of explanation, I meant to suggest she tell him Valentine's Day is important to her, because he probably doesn't feel the same way and might act differently upon receiving a non-ambiguous signal. (and according to her, that's exactly what happened) In my opinion, Valentine's Day is like a birthday. Some people (like me) don't give a rat's arse about their own birthday, while others think their birthday is the most important day of the year. Does this mean I'll ignore the birthday of one of those people just like I'd ignore my own? Probably not. They consider it their special day, so it's no big deal to do something for them. That doesn't mean I've been pestered into it, or badgered, or manipulated, and it doesn't mean I'd take offense if that person let me know how much importance they attach to their birthday. Fabricated Hallmark Holiday or not, I'd feel the same way about Valentine's if my girlfriend mentioned it was important to her for some reason. Anyway, perhaps the most important point here is that Glamour is just a kid, and I personally think her post needs to be seen in that light. Remember when you were in school and people passed out those little valentines? It was nice to get one, and a bit depressing when you didn't. Well remember this girl seems to be in high school (probably early in high school) and is not too many years removed from those days, and lets all cut her a bit of slack. She had to follow her parents when they travelled to a different state on business for a couple of months -- she can't be older than 16. I agree she'd be considered a bit out there for, say, a college student, but for someone in their first couple years of high school this is normal, and I rather doubt you were much different. It's not because of people like her that men think women are "materialistic wenches"! (I like that line, by the way) It's because of people like Anna Nicole Smith. Oh, and one more thing. I'm a freakin' guy!!!! Laurynn, this is the second time you've become confused over my gender (though the first time was under a different name a while back). I don't know what the deal is, but I'm starting to suffer some sort of psychological complex thanks to you. Now I'm going to go drink beer and build things with my power tools so I feel better... ((sniff)) I don't know if you're male or female, but I simply don't understand your advice on this. What the hell is a gift if it's one that was given ONLY because the giver was guilted into giving it, or hounded, or pestered, or manipulated? A gift is something you give to someone, done so without ANY sort of obligation....and it should come from the heart. What kind of selfish moron would go up to their partner and ASK them to give them something for Valentine's Day? What does that prove? ..what, that if they DO give you something, that it likely was given out of obligation or guilt? So then how meaningful or special is that gift? She really needs to get off the guy's ass and let him do what he wants to do. If he doesn't give her a gift, then cut the ties and let the poor dude go so that he can find a woman who isn't so materialistic and so in the dark about what "gifts" are really all about. Sheeesh! It's no wonder men are so confused about women, it's no wonder that some men think women are just materialistic wenches........un-freakin-believable.
Tony T Posted February 10, 2002 Posted February 10, 2002 Don't knock laurynn too much. I thought you were a girl too. I guess it's because I once dated a Scorpio, the meanest chick I ever encountered. But I'm sure your a nice guy...it's them scorpio women who can be hell. So you are a guy, uh? Well...great!
sparkle Posted February 11, 2002 Posted February 11, 2002 I agree with you about her being a kid...she sounds like she's in her early teens. Boy she has got a lot of growing up to do!!!
Miss Mojo Posted February 11, 2002 Posted February 11, 2002 ...some of us guys are pretty thick when it comes to hints and innuendo... i knew you were a guy, scorpio. just a bit of detective work. *chuckle, chuckle*
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