embarassing question

[anonymous]

I have a question abotu social phobia. I think I have it because I have read about its symptoms and I have all of them - sweaty palms, diarreah, etc, and they occur only in social situations when I am afraid of getting less attention than I'd like to, or afraid of people making fun of me, or evaluating me. I am aware of all this, but not sure how to deal with it. Nobody thinks I'm shy - I easily go ahead and talk to people. I don't easily flirt with them, however - that's hard for me to start on. This phobia is majorly reducing my chances with the opposite sex - a lot of times a guy will flirt with me, but I cannot do it back, I stay sort of serious - like I'm in a lecture - I cannot just let go and have fun with it. Only after several drinks. Also, I cannot do things when being watched - for example, if I'm singing and I notice somebody is listening, I immediately stop or make a mistake. I am also afraid of doing public speeches - though most people tell me they're good when I do them. But just the fact of 30-50 people staring at me makes me VERY self-conscious. This whole deal mainly bothers me because it won't let me have fun - I dream of the day I can relax, stop worrying about what I seem like to others, and just go out there and LIVE. To be able to meet a guy, flirt with him, and not freak out over it - whichever way it goes. (yes, i freak out even if it went well) I don't freak out only if I didn't like the guy, so I don't care. In which case, they usually like me. I guess the ones I do like can sense my tension.

 

The website that described this phobia's symptoms suggested solutions such as therapy. I'd love to avoid something as extreme as that. WHat other solutions are there out there? I do put myself in social situations often enough. One "solution" I see is making sure I get lots of attention from the opposite sex, because that helps me build confidence. What else can I do? I am trying to take my life's focus off studies and party more, because I think studying and working a lot has made me too serious. To the point where I don't enjoy my life much.

 

Any comments? Advice? Experiences to share? All ideas welcome

[Gweedo]

I have a question abotu social phobia. I think I have it because I have read about its symptoms and I have all of them - sweaty palms, diarreah, etc, and they occur only in social situations when I am afraid of getting less attention than I'd like to, or afraid of people making fun of me, or evaluating me. I am aware of all this, but not sure how to deal with it. Nobody thinks I'm shy - I easily go ahead and talk to people. I don't easily flirt with them, however - that's hard for me to start on. This phobia is majorly reducing my chances with the opposite sex - a lot of times a guy will flirt with me, but I cannot do it back, I stay sort of serious - like I'm in a lecture - I cannot just let go and have fun with it. Only after several drinks. Also, I cannot do things when being watched - for example, if I'm singing and I notice somebody is listening, I immediately stop or make a mistake. I am also afraid of doing public speeches - though most people tell me they're good when I do them. But just the fact of 30-50 people staring at me makes me VERY self-conscious. This whole deal mainly bothers me because it won't let me have fun - I dream of the day I can relax, stop worrying about what I seem like to others, and just go out there and LIVE. To be able to meet a guy, flirt with him, and not freak out over it - whichever way it goes. (yes, i freak out even if it went well) I don't freak out only if I didn't like the guy, so I don't care. In which case, they usually like me. I guess the ones I do like can sense my tension. The website that described this phobia's symptoms suggested solutions such as therapy. I'd love to avoid something as extreme as that. WHat other solutions are there out there? I do put myself in social situations often enough. One "solution" I see is making sure I get lots of attention from the opposite sex, because that helps me build confidence. What else can I do? I am trying to take my life's focus off studies and party more, because I think studying and working a lot has made me too serious. To the point where I don't enjoy my life much. Any comments? Advice? Experiences to share? All ideas welcome

[Gweedo]

(Sorry about the previous non-existant posting.)

 

Just a couple of ideas for you: Some counseling is free and doesn't involve long-term therapy; maybe it'd be good just to get another opinion from someone. There are some situations where I get nervous, too, and I bet most people would be nervous singing in front of dozens of people. But maybe you could try loosening up a little bit (without all the beer to help). Sometimes this nervousness snowballs; the farther you get into a certain situation, the worse it gets. For me, there's always a little self-doubt in social settings. I just try to ignore it and go with the flow, be myself. I know that sounds incredibly simplistic, but it helps me. Try ignoring your self-doubts. People, in all likelihood, probably want to hear you sing or hear what you have to say. Good luck.