same ol threads

[MySugaree]

The MM is the proverbial 800 pound gorrilla peacefully squating in the middle of every adultery forum discussion. Often, he's not the direct focus because he is not here. On these sites, the dialogue (if one can call it that) most often is between the OW camp and the MW camp. Like farmers and cattle men or Cain and Abel, the married women and the usually outnumbered other woman are locked in eternal conflict about rules, religion, morality, responsibility, self-interest, etc. The focus is on the posters.

 

The MM, however, looms silently in the background while the women engage in their very own battle of wills. And the winner is? The MM , of course. He stays married and gets to have alot of fun, too. He's having too much fun to post.

[silktricks]

by the way - just so there's no further assumptions made about me. I've also been the MP.

[Spinderella]

I suppose that when the other women come here to vent, they say angry things about the MM and how he tricked her. In many ways, he absolutely tricked her, not always about the fact that he was actually married, but about his availability for a promising relationship.

It would be the same as when the BS vent, they say angry things about the OW in the infidelity forum. When people are coming to terms and dealing with a situation, and especially the end of a relationship, the person who rejected them, or gave them heartache is usually the focus of alot of anger. In many ways it is perfectly understandable that the OW would feel a victim in such a relationship, as would a BW. The BW though feels a victim of two parties, the OW and the MM, whereas the OW usually feels a victim of MM only.

[UnknowingOW]

First, I had no idea you were an OW; my bad. It doesn't read that way from your post. They seem rather one-sided with anger at the OW. Is this because you are still mad at yourself for being an OW?

 

Secondly,your post sounded like bashing and I realize now it's not your H's EA, and I apologize for making the wrong assumption. I am grateful you have moved on and are in a better place with your marriage...I mean that sincerely.

 

I have personally thanked you for helping me in the past when I was deciding on whether or not to tell the xMM wife about him. BTW, you made me laugh, which was needed that day. This man really messed with my heart and head.

 

All parties are responsible for the affair.

 

As you know, I had known my xMM for 5-years, and he never once told me he was still married; I knew him to be divorced. I ran a background check and found out he was married. So I was in love with him prior to knowledge of his still being married. Yes, love grows with time. Do blame him...abolutely for lying to me about his divorce. Do I blame him for pulling me into something I NEVER would have done...ABSOLUTELY. The thing I am grateful for is I never saw him again after I found out the truth about his marriage.

 

I guess we have two differening perspectives when it comes to an affair. I too have experienced both sides of the affair. I did not seek my affair, but I nipped it in the bud when I learned the truth.

 

I was not trying to be cold and callous with my words. I am not a bashing kind of person, but I do tend to be very direct with my words. Again, this wasn't meant as a Silk bash...I wasn't trying to do that.

[silktricks]

First, I had no idea you were an OW; my bad. It doesn't read that way from your post. They seem rather one-sided with anger at the OW. Is this because you are still mad at yourself for being an OW?

 

No, it's usually because so many are obtuse and self-centered. I was also obtuse and self-centered at the time. I don't like to see people think only of themselves - there's too much of that in our society (when I say our, I mean primarily American).

 

As a woman it also distresses me to see women make horrible mistakes, and then talk about the mistake as if it happened TO them. It simply pisses me off to see women take the victim role. I'd rather take responsibility for my worst mistakes, learn from them and not ever repeat them than act as if I didn't have any choice in the matter and was simply a victim. But that's me.

 

All parties are responsible for the affair.

That's absolutely right. And that really truly does mean ALL parties. It includes the wife, much as most wives don't want to see that.

 

As you know, I had known my xMM for 5-years, and he never once told me he was still married; I knew him to be divorced. I ran a background check and found out he was married. So I was in love with him prior to knowledge of his still being married. Yes, love grows with time. Do blame him...abolutely for lying to me about his divorce. Do I blame him for pulling me into something I NEVER would have done...ABSOLUTELY. The thing I am grateful for is I never saw him again after I found out the truth about his marriage.

 

I do know that you weren't aware that he was married. Most are, though, and I don't have much patience with them.

 

I guess we have two differening perspectives when it comes to an affair. I too have experienced both sides of the affair. I did not seek my affair, but I nipped it in the bud when I learned the truth.

I don't know that we do. I think we make some assumptions based on the things that we read. You aren't in favor of affairs, neither am I.

 

What I am all about is personal responsibility, and that's what I try to get across in my posts.

 

I was not trying to be cold and callous with my words. I am not a bashing kind of person, but I do tend to be very direct with my words. Again, this wasn't meant as a Silk bash...I wasn't trying to do that.

Well, I'm pretty direct too. So, if you weren't trying to bash me, I appreciate that and thank you. I truly wish you a wonderful life.

[pricillia]

Not at all .

My situation is a little different from the typical stories on LS. I am looking at this from a complete non bias point of view and I just don't see how the MM is continuously overlooked. But like I said above, I kinda get. But just you posing that again makes me shake my head ...I hate to see women point the finger at eachother. Why can't anyone have a different perspective?

 

 

Butafly,

 

By me reposting that I was not pointing any fingers at all, and I was merely asking if someone was blaming you or are you feeling guilty?

 

Yes the MM is often overlooked in the scenerio, being the OW is not easy by any means

[johan]

I did as you requested Johan, ...

 

That's right, you did. Women always do what I say.