Author plexus Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 she is confused.......that's why the contradictions....I know the feeling all too well. I'm confused about one thing....you are married, so she really can have "all" of you.... My MM has said the same thing to me, the truth is, if I wanted it.....would he REALLY be available. He has had many opportunities and more than enough reason to leave his M, yet he is stilllllll there. I think she is torn between her feelings for you and her marriage. she wants to believe that she would be fine without you.....she doesn't want to "need" you so much. do you know what I mean? I feel all those things, guilt, confusion, etc.....and the truth is when my MM is in my life and we are seeing one another and being intimate, I always want more. then I come home to my H......and I like it there as well and then question what I am doing.....Oh the webs we weave. Unfortunately there is always hurt, there is always pain in an A situation. I don;t remember what you said, are you happy at home? I know there are kids involved. you prob. would be fine if you stayed, correct???? As far as the NC and her breaking it........I take it you respond to her as well b/c you dont HAVE to respond. In my situation, I have been the one for NC and I have been the one who has broken it 99 percent of the time. I hope that answered some questions...... Now I have one for you, if she left her husband, would you really leave to be with her??????? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hi Plexus, I think I would leave my W for her. In fact I know I would. I just think that there are things she is thinking that she will NEVER share with me. I think she is torn between our love and our connection and the safety and history of her M. She has called me at least 4 times today and emailed me. She wants to talk about stuff in her life. I have the feeling she cant do that with her H. Anyway, I just wish I knew what she was thinking. As far as my W is concerned, we have two great kids, and we get along really well. We are good friends and we have a lot in common. The thing is our M is like a business relationship as opposed to a love affair. We hardly tell each other we love one another and we never hug or kiss or touch. We have sex maybe once in 3-4 months. When we do have sex it lasts about 5 min. So while we get along, have great kids, have succeeded in life, we are business partners and thats about it. I suppose I can live out my life like that but I dont look forward to it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 well your first answer was "I think I can leave my wife"......believe me, I am not judging you b/c I get the whole thing but can you really really leave?????? Think about it. did you ever try to put that passion back in your marriage? I mean you are good friends, get along well..... I hear you say your MW belongs to someone else, dont you??? My MM says the same things. he too belongs to someone else, bad good or indifferent..... omg....the "feeling" that she is thinking of you and visa versa.....I have that ALL the time with my MM. Are you him lol lol anyway, yes the connection is unbelievable....I too was with my MM today and it was amaaaaaazing. then this evening my husband and I went out and had a great time.........the chemistry thing is not the same but there is such a long history and a friendship.......and true caring although some people here would say that how can I betray him.... I'm not here to defend myself though.........anyway, I looked way back for someone to give me the things I was missing........then I learned how to get them at home although at that point my MM and I were in deep. there are days when the whole thing is ok and there are days where I am tortured by it all........ Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 also.....you keep saying you wish you knew what she was thinking.......why dont you just ask her :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Hi Plexus, I was with her last night. It was amazing! We are so good together. At first she didnt want to but then she warmed up and she was all over me. The interesting part of it was that I think if I dont dwell on it and we just let nature take her course then beautiful things happen. She feels so wonderful I cant tell you how I feel when I'm with her! As far as asking her what shes thinking is concerned I have. I know she holds back and doesnt share with me completely. I know she is lonely in her marriage and the fact that we can be together now and then will do for now for the both of us. Its funny she is the best lover I have ever had but she tells me over and over again that she doesnt consider herself a real sexual being. Wow is she wrong. I agree that this is not real life and who knows if we did have our relationship in real life we might not experience that kind of passion over the long term. All I know is when we are together its like nothing I have ever experienced. Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 I gotcha there guest........EVERYTIME I see my OM, it is truly amazing.......like nothing I have ever felt for the last 2 and a half years...... maybe that's why we are both still with them lol..... Once saw a show on Oprah about infidelity and they said that everyone who has cheated on their spouses said the number one reason was how good the other person made them feel....... P.S. you also never addressed what I asked you before in my post about how you said she can have all of you when in reality she really cant..... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 Why do you say that? Do you think one of the reasons she decided to stay with her H is because she felt I wouldnt leave? I have always thought that if I left first that she would have been more motivated to leave her H to be with me. That never happended. In fact over the past year I have talked to her about me leaving my W but,,, Im still at home. Maybe she looks at that and says "Whew, am I glad I didnt leave! He never intended on leaving!" Maybe thats what it was......What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to decieve..... Link to post Share on other sites
lizad Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 my OM says the same thing and when last year we discussed wanting to be together....he actaully fot to the part of separation papers but never followed through and is stil there like you I guess. I think in his heart he feels I will never leave so why should he uproot and be out there alone when he can live a facade of a marriage, not got through the devastation of a divorce and still get to see me????? You really can't promise her all of you while you are still there. Would you consider leaving if the OW was not in your life???? Link to post Share on other sites
lizad Posted September 16, 2006 Share Posted September 16, 2006 by the way, plexus is my other alias......... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 So Lizad/Plexus How do you think my OW would react if I left my W? do you think she would run away more or do you think she would run to me? Also I saw my OW today and while we had a good time she is in full avoidance mode. Since we were together sexually last week she wants to forget it happened. When we are making love she tells me how she wants me and how I turn her on like no one else can. Then she tries to act like it never happened. Then we chat on the computer and I tell her I love her and that I miss her and she blows those comments off and acts like I never said them. It is very frustrating but I just back off and act like I never said them. I hate sacrificing my feelings for this relationship. If she would just acknowledge them I would feel so much better. I would love to hear your insight on this whole thing.. Axiously awaiting your response, Guest Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 first off guest, why dont you register under a name so that your posts will post immediately......... Ummm let me think about that question. Not sure, seems like she is happy your situation. Have you discussed leaving your spouses for one another? Do you really really think you can leave....... I dont think mine would even if I promised him I would leave mine....so do you really think you can leave??? Has she said that if you leave your wife, she would leave her husband? Part of me is happy that he is still there b/c then we are on the same page so to speak. When I am with him, I am so caught up in him, I dont want to be anywhere else......then just when things get really good ( b/c we argue a lot, which is so funny to me b/c I never argue with my husband) he does something that pisses me off and I back away........maybe it's me just making sure I dont get too close if you know what I mean. I know all his faults but I dont live with him.......I dont even know if I could ever live with him, even if I was available. I could never completely trust him and I am sure he can say the same...... There is some crazy connection that I cant let go of and yes, it is like a drug when I see him......so good and I dont want to give that up as selfish as it is.... you keep asking about leaving and giving her all of you and so on........is that what you really want? how come you told her you have talked about it for a year but are still there??? would you leave if your OW was not in the picture???? C'mon guest give up the truth????????? lol and get a registered name......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 also, maybe she is afraid of wanting you too much for fear of getting hurt and maybe she feels like no matter how much you tell her you love her, that you really wouldn't be able to leave...... she is protecting herself. Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLate Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Just call me guest plexus. All I know is I want her. She wants me but wont admit it. What are ya gonna do..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 18, 2006 Author Share Posted September 18, 2006 you say you want her, but you didnt answer my questionsssssssssss Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLate Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 I havent left because she hasnt left and last year she told me she wasnt going to. So I guess I decided that I would stay too because I didnt want anyone else but the OW and I still dont. We havent talked about leaving spouses because she has said repeatedly she doest want to. But through it all we have this connection that binds us together. I dont expect that my OW and I will ever separate completely but she seems to live with the guilt that she loves me but is married to another. I know it makes her feel terrible and I know that sometimes she wishes she never got involved with me but its too late for that now. If she would leave for me then yes I would leave for her. Will I leave independent of what she does, no probably not.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 you must be my OM lol lol where you from? Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLate Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 To answer another of your questions the answer is yes. I want her more than you can imagine. Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 do you not live with guilt over what you are doing? Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLate Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 yes I have a lot of guilt. Sometimes it bugs me that guilt doesnt stop me but I cant seem to stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 well maybe as much as you want her..........you cant really leave and she knows that. maybe deep down you are glad that she is not asking you to leave Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLate Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 I'm from the west coast of the US and you? Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLate Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Ive often thought that. Sometimes she really gets me. i will tell her how I feel and she totally blows it off like I never said anything...I dont know why she does that guilt? who knows... Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 east but I do love the west coast lol Link to post Share on other sites
NeverLate Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 I'm just a mess.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author plexus Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 the fact is you are still there no matter how much you claim to love this OW, why dont u leave and see if she will come, if you want her that much. Link to post Share on other sites
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