Friend/Lover?

[velvet]

I have had a 10 year friendship with someone I've worked with and he has also bonded with my fathers side of the family.

 

Sometime over a year ago we became intimate and told me that if he is anything to me, than he is my boyfriend.

 

I was flatered to hear that.

 

Well this intiamte r/s started right after his divorce. During the period of a year we dated off and on because the more loved me the more he would distance himself from me. Than out of the blue he would come back at me for a r/s like a freight train. Completely made me feel like I was going nuts. I havent understood why he gets his rocks off on this rubber band effect.

 

When he backs off, I back off completely too. Than he talks like he made a mistake backing off and than wants me again.

 

It's hard to talk to him about it because if I bring it up to get some sort of answer from him he gets up and leaves all pissy. He managed a few weeks ago to finally tell me something. He said that we are just friends. So I have left it at that. I respect his decision.

 

In the past when we were intimate he wouldnt spend alot of time with me and acted as if I was a wife he wanted to avoid as much as possible.

 

Since he decided he just wanted to be a friend he has been in my face so much. Coming by my home very often and calling very often and asking me on the weekends if we could spend time together.

 

He knows I have very deep roots for him like family and I have told him about my intense attraction for him.

 

He found out I became interested in someone and in the past when I do find someone I have a liking for he trys to get me back in bed with him. In the past I would go back to the bed with him. Now I dont want to go to bed with him, attracted or not.

 

It makes more sense to me that if someone is attracted to me and Im not to them I would back off from them for their sake. But this guy acts like he wants me to continue chasing him. I dont understand why someone can enjoy that.

 

I'm giving him exactly what he has asked for, and that was just a friendship. Even though I want him. He knows it and it feels like he is rubbing himself in my face like here I am and you cant have me.

 

Whats up with that?

[Tony T]

It's pretty obvious that he wants to continue using you as a sexual object. When you find someone else you want to pursue, that threatens his ability to use you for his selfish purposes. I'm very disappointed you can't see that.

 

You need to make it very clear to him that HE is the one who asked to be just friends and friends don't screw each other. You hold to that and if he doesn't respect that, dump him as a friend.

 

No friend would use you in such a vicious way and no friend would stand in the way of you finding true, romantic love for yourself.

 

It's very clear that this guy is not only selfish but he's way way too screwed up in the head for you to be involved with in anything but a friendship. And it may be very difficult for you to retain your friendship with him if he's going to have this attitude.

 

Tell him to cease attempting any kind of sexual advances toward you or you will have to terminate the friendship. There is no purpose whatsoever in engaging him sexually at this time and you have every reason to pursue others with whom there may be a romantic future.