Tshepi22 Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 My boyfriend i have been seeing each other for five years.... In this 5years, it has been lies and hurt... He has lied to me so many times, im a 22 years old, when i met him he was already working in Europe, but we kept caling each other, until 3years ago. I heard trough his friend's girlfriend that he has a child(Girl) she is leaving in europe as well... Wha shocked me was that the mother of a child is also there, when i asked him he told me that they are no longer 2gether, they are staying in 2 separate houses. What i dont understand is that he does not want me to visit him, he has stored me on his mobile as A.Tokyo, his family does know me, but he wants to be known @ my place...He has neva bought me a gift on my birthday.... Since last year after his visits, he has started being serious, like calling me everyday telling me that he loves me and all that. So during his visits this year the mother of a child started call him everyday when i was with him and he would tell that he will call later he is still driving or busy, he would not tell this woman that im still with my girlfriend i will call you later. When i asked him he said he did not think that it was a big deal, i also found a used condom in his room during his visits (when i questioned?) he lied saying it belonged to one of his family members... Last month he proposed marriage, he then said he was coming over in October to sort Lobola things out, a week later he changed! he said he was coming in december to give me an engagement, then he will sort everything later next year. He claims that he loves me and that he will never let me go.... But the truth is i dont trust him anymore... Three years ago he bought a big house and he did not bother to tell me, i had to find out by mistake through his friends. Ok i spend a few nights @ this house,Guess what i found some womans clothes in the wadrobe and some facial and hair things in the bathroom, when i questioned again, he said they belonged to his sister..... I dont love him as before because of the lies... But now he calls me every hour everyday to check up on me, he claims to love me and there will be no life for him without me. Please help. Im comfused by this... Regards Angela... Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 This sounds long distance? Has it been this way for 5 years? When are you planning to be together? There seems to me to be a lot of red flags in what you say. Used condoms, womens clothes etc., the lies, the baby momma... How often do you see each other? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 We see each other once a year! by the way i see it, he wants to us to get engaged first, then he told me that he will and got and work in Europe for 3or4 months, the come back.... He heard me saying i want to start a business , now he is pushing me to it, he says he will support me fanancially to start, so that he can come back and be with me... The thing is, even if we get married, im not sure if i can trust him again P.S. Im not allowed to go out with friends to movies or malls, he said he hates my friends.... but i thnk im ready to move on Link to post Share on other sites
britchick Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 We see each other once a year! by the way i see it, he wants to us to get engaged first, then he told me that he will and got and work in Europe for 3or4 months, the come back.... He heard me saying i want to start a business , now he is pushing me to it, he says he will support me fanancially to start, so that he can come back and be with me... The thing is, even if we get married, im not sure if i can trust him again P.S. Im not allowed to go out with friends to movies or malls, he said he hates my friends.... but i thnk im ready to move on There are lots of warning signs here. For a start the control thing, you say you are not allowed out with friends. If you see him once a year how does he stop you doing these things? If you get involved with him on a business level as well and allow him to support you financially, he is pretty much going to control every aspect of your life. Not having your real name on his mobile phone - to me this would signify that he is hiding you from someone who has access to his phone. Like a wife. As for the used condom - I just wouldn't believe it. If you were staying in someones home, wouldn't you take care not to leave something like that laying around. I would run a mile from this one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 11, 2006 Author Share Posted September 11, 2006 There are lots of warning signs here. For a start the control thing, you say you are not allowed out with friends. If you see him once a year how does he stop you doing these things? If you get involved with him on a business level as well and allow him to support you financially, he is pretty much going to control every aspect of your life. Not having your real name on his mobile phone - to me this would signify that he is hiding you from someone who has access to his phone. Like a wife. As for the used condom - I just wouldn't believe it. If you were staying in someones home, wouldn't you take care not to leave something like that laying around. I would run a mile from this one. Well he claims he is not perfect, he is only human but he has changed... The other thing is that when he was around S.A. i found the Identity Document which belonged to this woman in his car and he also used the womans credit card to hire a car while he was around. He tells me that we compromise some of the things in order for us to get a good life, im told to stop buying myself some clothes, like now in December me and a friend of mine are planning to go to Cape Town or Durban, when he heard he freaked out, saying i have nerve to go on a holiday without him. But he owns a big beautiful house that i was not supposed to know about it, im evevn told that the house will be given to the mother of the child because he does not want his child to stay on the streets, but me and him we must work hard so that we can get a house of our own. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 He is not going to change, no matter what he tells you. I think you know it very well no matter what you want to believe. I'm sorry that you wasted 5 years of your life on such a lying, double-faced excuse for a human being. I hope you are not even considering, or playing with the idea of putting your life on hold for more years(or months, or days) hoping for such a person to change. Because he won't. I do hope you will cut your losses, go no contact and get tested for STDs. Link to post Share on other sites
Hitman10000 Posted September 11, 2006 Share Posted September 11, 2006 Dump him, fast. Ugly girls might put up with this, and I don't think you're ugly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 Mhhhh... good people im really comfused, he called me last night, saying he has made up his mind.... He wants to be with me, im the only person who cares for him! those were the words from his mouth.... I 4got to mention that when he was around during his holidays, he told that when he was relaxing @home when an old flame from high school came to see him and told him that he is the father of her 17 year old girl, (almost my age) Guess what she brought the gal with her... What i really dont understand is that! he sad when we get married he does not care wheather we have kids, he loves me as i am. What made more comfused is that lsat weeknd he called me @ five in the morning all the way from Europe to South Africa to ask me that do i know that he makes beautiful kids. When i asked him what is that supposed to mean, he told me that i must get ready to be the mother of his beautiful kids People im really comfused by this guy, he told me that if i dated som1 else, he'll shoot himself and die... Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 So he's apparently fathered two different children already? He's giving one of them a nice big house. He might or might not want children with you. You see him once a year?! He lies continuously. He's controlling and nasty. Do you love this man? Really? My advise is to run, run away fast and don't look back. Find someone to have a real relationship with. One based on love, honestly and affection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 But people do u think he has changed as he is saying? he's asking me to please trust and give him a chance to show me that he is a changed man.... Ladies and Gents please tell me if you believe that he can change! just please put yourself in my shoes.... Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 12, 2006 Share Posted September 12, 2006 I don't think for a moment that he has changed (nor that he has even tried to). He's playing you. If you are crazy enough to marry him you'll be in a very unhappy marriage. Being cheated on. Possibly lied to - that is, if he won't be doing things in your face(like he's basically already doing). People im really comfused by this guy, he told me that if i dated som1 else, he'll shoot himself and die... Oh, well. Date someone else and call his bluff (but inform him that you will not take the hassle of going to his funeral). Or date someone else without telling him. I might come off as harsh, but it's nothing personal against you -I just don't like this scumbag you are in love with. If you married him your beautiful children would have a lovely, caring mother and a lousy father, while if you dumped his ass and cut him out of your life, they could have an adorable, sweet, caring mother AND a caring, nice and affectionate father who loves their mother as she deserves. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 12, 2006 Author Share Posted September 12, 2006 He just called me to tell me that he can feel that im busy running way from him, ( I promise my Angel will make it up to you, Im no longer the person i was before) That's him....Im a man who knows what he wants now from life... Im not even convinced.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 14, 2006 Author Share Posted September 14, 2006 People thnx for the advises that i have been getting from you, they really helped me.... i have decided to leave him abd move on with my life. Though he told me that i will never find another guy who will love me like he did, he claims i will come back to him coz the lonliness wll hunt me. he told me that even if i find another guy he will hurt me, but i have made up my mind! i dont need him in my life. Is it true what he is saying? .....he says i will start comparing the new guy in my life with him , then see that he was the best...Is true...??? Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted September 14, 2006 Share Posted September 14, 2006 Hey! This is so good news, I am so glad to know that you hade made up your mind and decided to leave him. Though he told me that i will never find another guy who will love me like he did, he claims i will come back to him coz the lonliness wll hunt me. You will find *plenty* of guys who will love you much more than he did!! It sounds like he is starting to show his true colors. he told me that even if i find another guy he will hurt me, I hope he is just bluffing....since he lives in another country he is probably just threatening. Anyway the way he reacted says a lot about him. I do hope that after his words you are even more determined to leave him. but i have made up my mind! i dont need him in my life. Yes! You go, girl!!! Is it true what he is saying? .....he says i will start comparing the new guy in my life with him , then see that he was the best...Is true...??? Find out for yourself. What is most likely to happen is that once you start comparing him to your next boyfriend, you'll realize what a scumbag he is and you'll start wondering how you could waste so much time on such a loser!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 Thnx a lot, im moving on.Actually for the first time in ages, i feel free.... Thk you good people Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 He has lied to me so many times, He claims that he loves me and that he will never let me go.... But the truth is i dont trust him anymore... He can love you and still lie to you. And as you said: I dont love him as before because of the lies... You cannot have a good relationship with a liar. We see each other once a year! by the way i see it, he wants to us to get engaged first, You've seen each other 5 times in 5 years, things have not been so good, he has lied to you.. and you would marry him? I didn't think so. Im not allowed to go out with friends to movies or malls, he said he hates my friends.... but i thnk im ready to move onSounds like a controlling piece of sh*t to me! But people do u think he has changed as he is saying? he's asking me to please trust and give him a chance to show me that he is a changed man.... Ladies and Gents please tell me if you believe that he can change! just please put yourself in my shoes....The lies he has spilled are not innocent at all. He has obviously been with all these women while fooling you. he told me that i will never find another guy who will love me like he did, he claims i will come back to him coz the lonliness wll hunt me. he told me that even if i find another guy he will hurt me, but i have made up my mind! i dont need him in my life. Is it true what he is saying? .....he says i will start comparing the new guy in my life with him , then see that he was the best...Is true...???This is bullsh*t! Thnx a lot, im moving on.Actually for the first time in ages, i feel free.... Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tshepi22 Posted September 15, 2006 Author Share Posted September 15, 2006 Thnx sweetie, im strong now to make it on my own....Im evevn getting myself a new car, of which i was not allowed to buy..... Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted September 15, 2006 Share Posted September 15, 2006 congratulations with seeing the light and moving on.....I think I read somewhere that you were ALMOST 17.....I am almost certain that he was way older than you, (not just a little) You can have such a precious life ahead of you, one that doesnt need to be wasted on such a vile piece of good for nothing. Good for you!! Just make sure you stick with it, dont let him worm his way back into your heart. Protect yourself, and your heart. You deserve the world. Remember that. Link to post Share on other sites
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