Are you avoiding me

[amgine]

ok married guy who i had a thing for (but nothing ever happened), has occassionally asked me that question

"Are you avoiding me?"

He has also mentioned if he'd seen me around or if he hasn't

Has told me if i hadn't gone into his place of work on a particular day.

 

I am trying to put him behind me now have start to notice some other guys who are appealing, single i don't quite know, but no rings.

 

Now the real question is how do i respond to such a question as i've been told it is just male humour, an attempt at conversation to find out what you think of him.

I've been told and i agree that its a difficult question to answer without giving away whether you want to see him or not.

 

 

So how do i respond to such a question?

[CrushedOrgans]

it sounds like you're awfully concerned about what this married man thinks.

 

if you're not avoiding him, say no. if you are, say yes. if you have no intentions for him, make it clear. try "avoiding is a harsh word, i just have been doing other things." it's not his business what you're doing anyway.

 

and i've not heard of "are you avoiding me" as a typical male-humor-conversation" bit. it sounds like he wants to know for some reason.

[serial muse]

ok married guy who i had a thing for (but nothing ever happened), has occassionally asked me that question

"Are you avoiding me?"

He has also mentioned if he'd seen me around or if he hasn't

Has told me if i hadn't gone into his place of work on a particular day.

 

I am trying to put him behind me now have start to notice some other guys who are appealing, single i don't quite know, but no rings.

 

Now the real question is how do i respond to such a question as i've been told it is just male humour, an attempt at conversation to find out what you think of him.

I've been told and i agree that its a difficult question to answer without giving away whether you want to see him or not.

 

 

So how do i respond to such a question?

 

 

amgine i read your earlier posts - this is the guy you had the thing for a few months back?

 

as crushed organs said - just tell him you're busy with other things. blase and uninterested is the way to go. his question is not harmless and it's not male humour. he's trying to start up the flirting with you again, just when you're getting interested in other guys and ready to move on.

 

shut him down, is my advice, by being blase. and focus on those other guys you think are cute.

[BUTAFLY]

Serial muse is right he's just trying to be charming and flirtatious. Shut him down!!

[amgine]

Hi thanks for replying

 

crushed organs.

Not awfully concerned but guess its just my nature that i don't want to be horrible to him. Guess i can be too nice at times

 

serial muse yes you're right it is him. And what you say does make sense with things he has donew/said in the past. Amazing how loud the bells ring so long afterwards. Hindsight and all that

[UnknowingOW]

"are you avoiding me"=Yes I am....you are married.

[Guest]

I'm in a similar position - started as a pretty good friendship with a MM. He started confiding details of his marriage to me which garnered my sympathy. I'd say we were having an EA, though I wasn't even aware at the time. Then the flirting began. I couldn't resist his compliments and his goo-goo eyes so stupidy, I flirted back.

 

Things were so so close to turning physical. At first when he'd get very close to me I'd get uncomfortable and he'd back off and apologize up and down. But he kept it up until I was used to it, until I was enjoying it. Then "accidentally" touching me, bumping into me, etc. We were spending a lot of time alone. I had worked myself into a horny frenzy over him. I believed at the time I would have done anything to be close to him.

 

Then something in me just snapped. I wondered if he worked the same spell over his wife and how she would feel if she knew what he was up to. I realized that he would never take a chance that he might be separated from his child. I wondered if she was really as bad as he said she was, and if he would say the same (or worse) about me if I were in her position.

 

What the whole point of this is (other than me letting off steam) is that even though he appeared to be one of the most innocent, unassuming men I'd ever met, he knew damn well what he was doing. I backed waaaaaay off. I got the sad, hurt goo-goo eyes. His goo-goo eyes are like a drug to me and I did backslide a time or two and became lost in him again, just because I felt guilty. I still don't like the thought of hurting him. But - is he really even hurting or is this part of his game?

 

I recently got the "You're avoiding me, aren't you?" comment. I almost fell for it. I wanted to say "Why, no, of course not!" and come up with an excuse, to spare his feelings. Then I realized this would make me vulnerable to him again so I said "I am? I don't know. Could be." and WALKED AWAY. I got sad eyes at me but resisted the temptation to meet them. I went home feeling like a real @sshole. I cried. But i realize this is the best thing FOR ME.

 

I can only be hurt MONUMENTALLY by becoming more involved emotionally or physically with this man. I come here and read in moments of weakness. Even the "happiest" endings here involve a dispoportionate amount of pain and suffering for everyone involved. Most of the endings are not happy - they are sad. Most of the people here are suffering more than anything. Read what these people go through. It will really open your eyes. You will see a familiar pattern in the behavior of these MM.

 

Avoid becoming part of his game. He's not thinking of your well-being or happiness.

[amgine]

Dear guest

 

Thank you for your reply. Your post sounds so familiar i feel tingles down my spine

 

The flirting, the eye contact.

The moments where i feel a line has been crossed and wonder if his wife could see how she would feel. How i would feel if she was me.

 

I too have tried the backing off a few times but he would somehow getting those feelings stirred up again in me.

 

I understand him doing stuff the accidently touching until i'm used to it i see it as him taking small steps in the touching, eye contact etc, until i except it as normal before increasing yet again.

You don't notice these small stages before you know it he is hugging and embracing you takes you by surprise and you ask yourself how did i get here.

 

So thank you hope it continues to work out for you.

[lovernotafighter]

answer a question with a question...always works for me.

 

say he ask you "are you avoiding me?" you respond "why would I do a thing like that?" or " does it really seem that way?" ...after say I've been real busy..like now..gotta go,bye.