To ladyjane14

[luvstarved]

That is too hilarious. I was referring back to the old thread trying to remember something you posted...and tried to send you a private message but it wouldn't let me...meanwhile, you were posting to my new "success" thread.

 

This is what you posted that turned out to be so important to me:

 

Try this... type into your browser, "the three states of mind in marriage, marriagebuilders", and read the article you find there.

 

Ironically, I did not follow up on that, but somehow my husband found this site on his own and shared it with me...THAT is where we got the emotional needs questionnaire and it was his idea to check out a marriage retreat!!

 

I coulda saved some time if I had taken your advice to heart. Others in this forum might do well to check it out, too.

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH EVEN IF I WAS BEING A BONEHEAD!!

[Ladyjane14]

I'd love to take credit for that, doll .... but I only just regurgitate back some of the cool things I've read. Dr. Harley is a genius in my book. I can't take credit for any of that.

 

Weirdly enough, I didn't happen upon marriagebuilders until after I'd already done something of a rough "Plan A" during the crisis in my own marriage. It went against the grain at the time. I was flying by the seat of my pants.... but it worked!!!

 

So, when I found MB, it made total sense to me because I had already done it. It had ALREADY worked. I had put my total energy into my husband, almost nurse-to-patient (although it was with a recalcitrant WS, and of course MUCH more intimate). But even as unnatural as it sometimes felt.... it WORKED.

 

I could have left LS long ago. True, I learn a little every day I'm here... but at the end of the day, I'm still EXCITED by the idea that it's possible to revitalize relationships that might seem IMPOSSIBLE. Mine was... and yet here we are.

[luvstarved]

Well it just struck me when my husband showed me the site...hmmm...that sounds familiar...

 

You certainly have something going on if you used a similar method on your own. I think Dr. Harley is a genius too. I have looked at marriage websites before and they just didn't entirely hit home with me, especially the ones that like to so cagily say "we have the secrets for a great marriage...send money and we will tell you"...in fact, as my husband has brought up going to a marriage retreat, I find myself looking for one and wishing that we could go to the MB one coming up (timing isn't right for the next one coming up). The thing is, you really have to know the philosophy behind in those situations, and MB is the first one that hit both of us like bricks as making perfect sense...so I am not sure where else to look but I really love the idea and hope we get to do that soon...in the meantime, I think I'll stop by the bookstore today and see about picking up his workbook...the emotional needs quiz results made for a great feel good conversation, even where we slipped into a negative column here and there. Just breaking out the honesty is a very soothing thing...

 

Thanks again and best to you...