sister proposing to bf at my place - eep!

[flat_lander]

My sister asked me if it's ok if she proposes to her bf at my house at xmas. I didn't really know how to respond, so I said ok, but now I kinda regret it. The bf is ok, they've been together for about a year, living together for most of that time, but my sister has never really been single. She was with her previous bf for 2 years and "overlapped" that relationship with her new bf. She dumped the last guy b/c he wouldn't commit for the long haul.

 

The new bf has been married before, not sure why they divorced, but I'm afraid if she asks him to marry her, he'll say no. And that would be bad in front of family at xmas (they'd be coming in from out of town). I'm concerned that she's proposing to end any fears of being alone (she's nearly 28, he's 35), and I'm concerned b/c he might not want to get married again.

 

Am I worrying too much? What do you suggest? Even if she still decides to propose, is there a gentle way to get her to do it somewhere other than my house (she doesn't take criticism well)?

 

Thanks in advance,

[Almost]

Sounds like a really bad idea on her part.

 

So she is going to propose to this guy, in front of family and friends at xmas, putting this guy on the spot? Guys don't usually like that.

 

If I were going to propose to my girlfriend in front of everyone like that, I would want to have a pretty good idea that she would say yes right on the spot in front of everyone. No maybes or let me think about it or awkward moments in front of the family.

 

It sounds like she's planning to do this way in advance without having any clue as to what his reaction will be. If she is thinking that by heaping on the pressure that he will have no choice but to say yes, I think she will be in for a very disappointing reality check.

 

Why can't she wait for him to propose to her? It sounds like she is really in a rush for some reason. She dumped the other guy because he wasn't ready for committment. Now it sounds like she is going to pressure this guy into a committement and she's setting herself up for major disappointment.

 

At minimum, you should bite the bullet and tell her she can't do it at your house in front of everyone. Make her pick another place and time. Try to convince her that doing it some other way would be more romantic or with less risk or something, and try to make it seem like her own idea.

[norajane]

Maybe you could suggest that her engagement would be overshadowed by Christmas festivities (and family squabbles and stresses), and wouldn't she want to have it be a special, romantic day all their own?

[Sand&Water]

Flat_lander,

 

Tell your sister everything you just said in your original post. No excuses, no running around the bush, and no stress. Even though you said she doesn't take criticism very well, that is no reason to not confront her about the situation. Or, rather your discomfort.

 

Your sister is your family. These type of conversations are meant to be had with family. If it was your girlfriend or a simple friend, then one would understand the sensitivity of the subject. However, she needs you by her side now more than ever. [presuming that the sister bond is healthy]

 

With that said, I suggest you calmly talk to her about your change of mind. And, sneak in the idea that it is possible the man may reject her proposal.