dating

[HELP ME]

OK I dont really know how to begin this so bare with me. All throughout high school I dated many guys and even had 2 long term relationships (over 1 year and 1/2 each). SO dating wasnt a problem for me back them. Now Im kinda scared to date. Its my second year in college and I have dated VERY LITTLE. I live in poverity and it seems as though every time the guy I like finds out he stops talking to me even though I dress and act like a million bucks. I dont have a car (fear more then no money, my sister was killed in a car accident)and when the guys I start to date find out that I dont like driving they seem to distance themselves from me. I dont know what to do. The main reason Im looking for advice is that theres a guy that I see a couple times a week at a bowling alley (Im in a league) and I know (for a fact) that hes liked me for about 3 years and I just recently got to know him and we flirt ALL the time. I would really like to date him but he comes from a very wealthy family and I dont know what he would do if he found out that Im poor. PLEASE HELP ME.

[Lilly]

The guys who've stopped talking to you and distanced themselves after finding out you don't drive and aren't related to Bill Gates have done you a big ole favour, like huge even..... talk about shallow!. The kind of person you want to be dating is someone who wants to be with you because of who you are, not because of your bank balance or your driving abilities. You want to date someone with a bit of depth and character, no?.

 

This guy has liked you for 3 years and is flirting with you because of WHO you are. He's either going to stop flirting and liking you should he find out you're not as well off as him or he's not. It's his loss if he does. If he doesn't, hang onto him, you might have a gem on your hands.

[Laurynn]

Hi there,

 

You say you live in poverty but that you 'dress like a million bucks'....tell us, girl, what's your secret? LOL

 

First of all, it sounds like you maybe think less of yourself (or that you ?don't deserve a guy) because of your financial position. Put that thought right out of your head!! Your "worth" is based on your personality, your character, the kind of heart you have....not whether or not you have money in the bank. A "real" man will want to be with you because of "YOU"....not whether or not you drive or can afford trips to Paris.

 

It's very possible that you've just met some real "DUDS" so far. Who knows, maybe they didn't give a damn about your financial position, maybe they were just jerks OR maybe they didn't feel you were compatible for other reasons.

 

There are lots and lots of people in this world who live in poverty or just under the poverty line. That sure doesn't mean these people deserve love or kindness or a good partner any less!

 

Don't be hard on yourself. Think of all the great qualities you have, the ones you can't put a price tag on......and remember them, then pursue this dude at the bowling alley, why not?!?! You have nothing at all to lose...and if he's a good guy, a sincere guy, and mature enough to see the 'real you', he won't give a crap as to how much money you don't have.

 

Let us know how it goes, good luck!!

 

L

[Tony T]

Wow, to get rid of the worthless, scuzzbags so quickly is something that women would envy until their last day. If a guy doesn't like you because you don't drive, and that's all you've really indicated here, he's about as undesireable, low class, closed minded as any human being could possibly be.

 

So you seem to attract men who are looking for a lady to chauffer them around, run errands for them, etc. Interesting. If a guy doesn't want a gal who doesn't drive, that sort of means he's a selfish bxstard and doesn't want to have to shuttle her around, go pick her up and take her home, and all those other things. Do they even ask you why you don't drive?

 

Listen to me closely. Any guy who would reject you because you don't have a car or don't drive is not worth your time. If he would take this very closed-minded attitude about your driving, he would be that way about lots of other things which would make him highly incompatible with you and highly undesireable as a mate for anybody. Fact is, most ladies who do drive will probably not be able to learn this until after they marry the bums. How lucky you are.

 

I have no idea where you live or how you find these guys, but I have dated many women and I have never asked, nor have I ever cared one iota, whether or not they drove a car or whether they had a penny in the bank.

 

Now, if a lady had a great job and made lots of money and she was penniless, I could still love her and would encourage her to get some help in the savings area.

 

Also, let me tell you something you may not know. A good 90 percent or more of the ladies in college are poverty level or worse. Oh, their parents may send them a few dollars now and then, pay their tuition, etc., but they live from meal to meal...so what makes you think you're any different???

 

And the girls I've seen on college campuses these days don't dress like a million bucks...more like a few cows.

 

So you get no pity from me, babe. You're the luckiest lady on campus and you just don't realize it. Why in heaven's name would you ever, in your entire lifetime, want a guy who would reject you because you don't drive or because you may not have a big bank account?????????????????????????

[Ed]

The first thing I thought when I read your post was, Cinderella.

 

Most college students don't have much money. This is not unusual. There is no good reason for a man to stop dating you because of your living conditions as long as you live in a reasonably safe part of town and your living quarters are kept clean (at least from a health standpoint).

 

If you do live in a "bad" part of town, you have extremely poor housekeeping habits or your home is infested with bugs and/or rodents, this could be a major turn off for some guys, but there are others that would not be bothered by it. If this is the case, try dating guys that live in your same neighborhood. They are less likely to be judgmental of your current situation.

 

It is not unusual for a college student to live without owning a car. It's an unneeded expense in situations where the majority of your time is spent in areas within reasonable walking distance or areas that have safe, inexpensive, easily accessible public transportation. Here again, not having your own car is no good reason for a guy to not date you under these or similar circumstances.

 

There are some people (men and women, but mostly women) that would not even consider dating someone that did not have their own car under any circumstances. If you have run across a man like this, you are obviously much better off without him.

 

What concerns me about this car business is your statement that the reason you don't have a car and/or don't drive is because of a fear related to the loss of your sister (my condolences). This is a perfectly normal reaction to an event like this. You did not say how long ago the accident occurred but this fear should naturally subside over a period of time. If, after some time has passed, this fear has not subsided enough for you to carry on a normal life (including being unafraid to drive) you may want to seek counseling to help you get over this traumatic experience.

 

Overall, I see you as a Cinderella. As a once popular Country & Western song went, some guys may only see you as an ole chunk of coal, but some will think you could be a diamond some day, if not already. There are numerous guys who would be glad to date you, no matter how you live your life. Don't give a second thought to the ones that don't think you live up to their idea of a gem.

OK I dont really know how to begin this so bare with me. All throughout high school I dated many guys and even had 2 long term relationships (over 1 year and 1/2 each). SO dating wasnt a problem for me back them. Now Im kinda scared to date. Its my second year in college and I have dated VERY LITTLE. I live in poverity and it seems as though every time the guy I like finds out he stops talking to me even though I dress and act like a million bucks. I dont have a car (fear more then no money, my sister was killed in a car accident)and when the guys I start to date find out that I dont like driving they seem to distance themselves from me. I dont know what to do. The main reason Im looking for advice is that theres a guy that I see a couple times a week at a bowling alley (Im in a league) and I know (for a fact) that hes liked me for about 3 years and I just recently got to know him and we flirt ALL the time. I would really like to date him but he comes from a very wealthy family and I dont know what he would do if he found out that Im poor. PLEASE HELP ME.

[velvet]

You said you have seen him for 3 years but have just now got to know each other a little, I wonder why he never took the initiative to do so earlier. These are the things you can find out with a little one on one.

 

One night after bowling ask him if he would have some coffee or a slice of pie with you right there at the bowling ally. Than get to know each other. You dont have to tell him you dont have money right away or that you dont drive. You can leave that for your second date.

 

OK I dont really know how to begin this so bare with me. All throughout high school I dated many guys and even had 2 long term relationships (over 1 year and 1/2 each). SO dating wasnt a problem for me back them. Now Im kinda scared to date. Its my second year in college and I have dated VERY LITTLE. I live in poverity and it seems as though every time the guy I like finds out he stops talking to me even though I dress and act like a million bucks. I dont have a car (fear more then no money, my sister was killed in a car accident)and when the guys I start to date find out that I dont like driving they seem to distance themselves from me. I dont know what to do. The main reason Im looking for advice is that theres a guy that I see a couple times a week at a bowling alley (Im in a league) and I know (for a fact) that hes liked me for about 3 years and I just recently got to know him and we flirt ALL the time. I would really like to date him but he comes from a very wealthy family and I dont know what he would do if he found out that Im poor. PLEASE HELP ME.

[HELP ME]

My living conditions are very clean, my mother is a total neat freak and my dad was a total perfectionist and I live in a nice part of town. I have lived in poverity since I was born so I know how to spend money wisely and I know how to spot bargins when I shop for clothes.

 

The first thing I thought when I read your post was, Cinderella. Most college students don't have much money. This is not unusual. There is no good reason for a man to stop dating you because of your living conditions as long as you live in a reasonably safe part of town and your living quarters are kept clean (at least from a health standpoint).

 

If you do live in a "bad" part of town, you have extremely poor housekeeping habits or your home is infested with bugs and/or rodents, this could be a major turn off for some guys, but there are others that would not be bothered by it. If this is the case, try dating guys that live in your same neighborhood. They are less likely to be judgmental of your current situation.

 

It is not unusual for a college student to live without owning a car. It's an unneeded expense in situations where the majority of your time is spent in areas within reasonable walking distance or areas that have safe, inexpensive, easily accessible public transportation. Here again, not having your own car is no good reason for a guy to not date you under these or similar circumstances.

 

There are some people (men and women, but mostly women) that would not even consider dating someone that did not have their own car under any circumstances. If you have run across a man like this, you are obviously much better off without him. What concerns me about this car business is your statement that the reason you don't have a car and/or don't drive is because of a fear related to the loss of your sister (my condolences). This is a perfectly normal reaction to an event like this. You did not say how long ago the accident occurred but this fear should naturally subside over a period of time. If, after some time has passed, this fear has not subsided enough for you to carry on a normal life (including being unafraid to drive) you may want to seek counseling to help you get over this traumatic experience.

 

Overall, I see you as a Cinderella. As a once popular Country & Western song went, some guys may only see you as an ole chunk of coal, but some will think you could be a diamond some day, if not already. There are numerous guys who would be glad to date you, no matter how you live your life. Don't give a second thought to the ones that don't think you live up to their idea of a gem.

[HELP ME]

The reason we havent done anything so far is because when we first met I was in a serious relationship but I have been out of it for over a year now and I want to have some one on one with him.

You said you have seen him for 3 years but have just now got to know each other a little, I wonder why he never took the initiative to do so earlier. These are the things you can find out with a little one on one. One night after bowling ask him if he would have some coffee or a slice of pie with you right there at the bowling ally. Than get to know each other. You dont have to tell him you dont have money right away or that you dont drive. You can leave that for your second date.